This is my last year of college, I'll get my Bachelors degree in May, shortly after we move to California. I saved my speech class for my last year because it is something I've been dreading! I know it is quite common to not like speaking in front of others, but I think it is much amplified in people with low self esteem, and I am in that category, at least when it comes to public speaking! Since my classes are all online, my speech course is modified so one speech is done via a recorded video and the others in a virtual classroom where we log on and give our speech via webcam. It is going to be uncomfortable for me regardless, and I am really hoping this semester goes fast. I noticed myself stress-eating yesterday, before recording my first speech and later when I was thinking about my next speech in two weeks. At least I am aware of it and can control it to some extent, I told myself I am being silly, that everyone else feels nervous too and that in the long run, no one will remember my speech, they'll be thinking about their own.
I can feel bad things happening to my body since I have lost my drive to fix what is broken. The exhaustion has returned, my body is stiff and sore and my clothes are fitting more snug again. I don't like feeling so old and tired. I don't like feeling heavy and hurting, especially my knee. In order to change it, I need to focus on this more. My knee is getting swollen for a reason. I have found a formula that makes it feel better, eliminating processed carbs. I have been ignoring that and slipping back into auto-pilot. But it's on my mind, my knee won't let me forget, and I know at very least, getting the carbs back under control will help me tremendously, especially with the mornings getting chillier. It's one thing to say I need to do it, and another to put my words into action, but I realize that my choice will yield the expected results no matter which way I go.