Chips and Oreos
It seems the older I get, the worse my PMS symptoms get and that makes it feel like it takes SO. LONG. TO. ARRIVE. Not only am I irritable, but moody, mopey, drained. I get mouth sores now every time it is about to arrive. That doesn't make me less crabby. Thinking back over my posts, I am two extremes, either way upbeat and feeling like life is awesome and I am one tough chick, or dragging my knuckles on the ground, feeling like I can barely get through the day much less think about improving myself. "Welcome to periomenopause!" says my doctor, in not so many words.
My mood is OK today, but I'm battling a slight headcold (mainly just a stuffy nose and a bit of a sore throat that comes and goes). I'm a day overdue for my period and I am one of the wacky ones who can't wait for it to come because I get such a lift in energy and mood. It also puts a stop to those feelings like I want to sit down with a pound of melted cheese and a fork. I crave fats like crazy when my hormones are wacked out. Which is better than craving sweets I guess, but I have been indulging in that over the past week too. Ugh.
I don't have the answer to any of it. I was doing really well before that over-tired feeling came on and as soon as that happened I felt too tired to care about what I was eating. It's not real, but I let it take over and I'm not in a place where I feel like changing it just yet. It is right around the corner though. Not everything I eat is horrible, in fact I still eat my regularly planned meals and snacks, but over the weekend I was eating in between, a handful of chips here, a couple of Oreos there. Of course I stopped tracking and I didn't work out either. It reminds me of how I used to live, when I was 225 pounds. It actually makes me feel sad that I don't treat myself better. I know it is all about my mind, how I direct the thoughts and guide them to healthy places instead of letting them bounce around uncontained.
There are so many things I have to try and train my brain for: getting over people asking me to take their measurements for free so they can order their glasses online instead of from me (yes, I do work on commissions and no we don't charge people for said measurements which I think is wrong, but I don't make the rules). I have to get over letting myself eat more or unhealthy just because I'm tired or stressed out. I have to get over people assuming I will always handle stuff just because I always have, and what I feel that implies about me. I have a laudry list of other things. Changing my mind about stuff, or finding another way to see things is really really hard for me because I am very stubborn! And, dangerously enough, I am also wishy-washy (sometimes) about what it is I really want. No wonder I have had varied results!
So I have to spend more time thinking about all these things, which was one of my New Year's Resolutions; work through more stuff in my mind so I can get closer to peace. I do know this: when I am bashing myself over shallow, silly things, I don't feel peace, so maybe that's a good place to start.
I am hanging in there, I want to get to a place where I am better able to ride whatever waves come at me with grace and a smooth, mellow flow. The extremes that I tend to live in are remnants of my mother's unpredictable mood shifts and as sure as they didn't server her, they also do not serve me; they are reactionary and done without much thought. I know that happiness is a choice and I have a ton of awesome things in my life to be happy about.
My mood is OK today, but I'm battling a slight headcold (mainly just a stuffy nose and a bit of a sore throat that comes and goes). I'm a day overdue for my period and I am one of the wacky ones who can't wait for it to come because I get such a lift in energy and mood. It also puts a stop to those feelings like I want to sit down with a pound of melted cheese and a fork. I crave fats like crazy when my hormones are wacked out. Which is better than craving sweets I guess, but I have been indulging in that over the past week too. Ugh.
I don't have the answer to any of it. I was doing really well before that over-tired feeling came on and as soon as that happened I felt too tired to care about what I was eating. It's not real, but I let it take over and I'm not in a place where I feel like changing it just yet. It is right around the corner though. Not everything I eat is horrible, in fact I still eat my regularly planned meals and snacks, but over the weekend I was eating in between, a handful of chips here, a couple of Oreos there. Of course I stopped tracking and I didn't work out either. It reminds me of how I used to live, when I was 225 pounds. It actually makes me feel sad that I don't treat myself better. I know it is all about my mind, how I direct the thoughts and guide them to healthy places instead of letting them bounce around uncontained.
There are so many things I have to try and train my brain for: getting over people asking me to take their measurements for free so they can order their glasses online instead of from me (yes, I do work on commissions and no we don't charge people for said measurements which I think is wrong, but I don't make the rules). I have to get over letting myself eat more or unhealthy just because I'm tired or stressed out. I have to get over people assuming I will always handle stuff just because I always have, and what I feel that implies about me. I have a laudry list of other things. Changing my mind about stuff, or finding another way to see things is really really hard for me because I am very stubborn! And, dangerously enough, I am also wishy-washy (sometimes) about what it is I really want. No wonder I have had varied results!
So I have to spend more time thinking about all these things, which was one of my New Year's Resolutions; work through more stuff in my mind so I can get closer to peace. I do know this: when I am bashing myself over shallow, silly things, I don't feel peace, so maybe that's a good place to start.
I am hanging in there, I want to get to a place where I am better able to ride whatever waves come at me with grace and a smooth, mellow flow. The extremes that I tend to live in are remnants of my mother's unpredictable mood shifts and as sure as they didn't server her, they also do not serve me; they are reactionary and done without much thought. I know that happiness is a choice and I have a ton of awesome things in my life to be happy about.
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| I do not own the rights to this photo but it is so good! |
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