Riding the Wave

what a couple of weeks it has been! We lost my mother-in-law to cancer last week. She put up a good fight for a year but cancer doesn't play fair. To say it has been a somber time in my house is an understatement. Still, she is free from pain and struggle so there is peace in that truth. The funeral is Saturday and it will be nice to get beyond that. My husband is an only child, but he has step-family so it's nice to have that support. I have been in shock. My own parents are still alive but my mom has COPD and I often wonder how I will handle it when she passes. I don't think I have been shy about describing her and how she has bipolar tendencies, and is quite possibly the most negative person I have met. She is caustic and loves to shame people and even though I know she is largely a product of how she was raised and abused (by today's standards at least), yet my 5-year-old self never got that memo so I learned that she was unpredictable and could hurt me worse than anyone else. So there are all kinds of mixed feelings and I am not super sure how they will unfold when she passes. In lighter news, I got my cast off last week and also got my first COVID vaccination. The first round didn't give me any side effects other than a little irritation around the injection site. I have heard the second shot is the one that makes you feel rough. I can tough it out because I want to feel protected at work. With me getting the cast off, I was giving the OK to put weight on it as long as I am wearing the walking boot. Holy cow was my doctor not lying when she told me (multiple times) "It's going to hurt. A lot. And for a long time." It feels like the skin is stuck and I'm ripping it apart where the stitches were, even though that's not really happening. That surprised me because I thought the achilles tendon would be what was sore and it's not bad so far, but the outer layers of skin hurt. I will say, I overdid it on my foot last Saturday when my dad and his wife came to visit for a late Christmas. I really didn't want to host but they aren't comfortable at restaurants with COVID so we made it work, but my husband had funeral stuff to tend to so I ended up having to handle stuff. I am using crutches to help stabilize and take a little pressure off that foot, but that day I was frustrated with the crutches in my way and just made due without anything. My balance is bad, especially with the boot being so thick and the height difference it creates between my two feet. I feel better having at least 1 crutch. I have pretty much been able to only use the knee scooter minimally at the end of the evening. There are pros and cons. When my doctor told me I can put weight on the foot she said, "You will be shocked at how much pain and swelling happen when you walk on it, but don't let that deter you." I laughed inside thinking, 'Lady, do you know who you are talking to? I have no tolerance for discomfort!' And yet, I think I am rocking my recovery. I will start transitioning to wearing a shoe late next week and that means I can slowly begin to try to drive. The doctor and her staff were trying to convince Mr to go back to work early and I told them I don't feel comfortable doing that because my workflow is very unpredictable/ uncontrollable and some days I have 10,000 steps in at the end of my shift. And being that I typically work alone, sometimes without a lunch break, about 42 hours a week, I told her I would like to at least start physical therapy first and I HAVE to be able to drive myself to work. So it's happening. Slowly but I had my tendon split in half and heel bone scraped on. Since I'm not mobile I have been ordering groceries to be delivered. For the convenience of not having to go get them, there are some drawbacks. For one, I have to plan things earlier because you have to schedule a time for your delivery and some days/timeslots fill up fast. I always procrastinate and then it comes time to order groceries and I just figure out general stuff to have around and hope it flies. Another thing is that many times there will be items that are not in stock. Sometimes the shoppers will substitute it for something similar and other times you just get nothing. Last week I was going to use grass-fed beef in a recipe and the store I shop from typically has 4 or 5 brands of it but it was not in stock and not substituted so one of my meals was not what I intended. I am not really pushing myself in any one direction at the moment, but I was making an effort to plan a menu that had some of the elements of the recent book I read (the author refers to it as a Pegan diet- a mix between veggie-heavy vegan and paleo). When I sat down to try and figure out a menu for myself I got frustrated so I just looked at keto recipes and got my mind back on track. I am not doing a keto diet but one of the basic food rules for Mark Hyman is to keep glycemic loads low and keto does that. Anyway I have some of those foods on order for next week. I am not gung-ho about it but I will make some effort. I finished reading my last chapter of my course in medical coding today. I have 4 chapter exams to take tomorrow and a class final exam (5 hours long, ugh) and then I will be able to register for the certification exam. It has felt like a long, tough road but I am so happy I had this extra time to devote to finishing. I can't imagine what it will feel like to have free time again. To come home from work and not have to spend a couple hours on studying will be amazing! After I take the class final I am going to take at least a week off of studying. The end is in site though and I'm sure as soon as I get back to my current job next month I will be reminded of why I put all that work and effort into this. I have that sense of spring dawning, like things are changing and moving and I am ready to ride the wave that this year will be. What else can we do, right? I would rather be on the wave than under it!