Resistance

Today was my 24th day in a row of exercising, and I honestly can't remember the last time I did that. Typically, I would take one day off, and Sunday seems to be the day I really want to, but with the Peleton challenge I have joined, you have to do something on the app for 100 consecutive days. There is such a huge variety, from strength training, all kinds of cardio including HIIT, shadowboxing, pilates, Barre, dancing, walking, running, treadmill and stationary bike, to yoga, meditation and stretches. Fortunately, my company pays for my subscription,normally it would cost $13 a month, which is so worth it for people like me, who need guidance but don't want to leave the house or just stuck doing the same workout video over and over. There's always good music on Peleton and the instructors make it fun. One day when I was doing yoga, the instructor was guiding us into a deep stretch and she said to recognize what emotions or thoughts arose as the stretch began to push us to a place of physical resistance. I realized that my mind was focused on what comes next, on rushing through that moment to get to the next. Its like I didn't want to acknowledge that it was challenging. Just bringing my awareness to my body for that moment made me relax and the stretch provided a rush of blood into my muscles and everything felt warm and good. Today, as I moved through a little tougher yoga session, I realized that all this exercise was forcing me to connect with my body. I had to be aware if a one-leg balancing move was more difficult on one side, or if I could twist further into a posture on one side vs the other, or when I'm strength training, I can really tell when my push-up form is good when my chest gets fatigued more than my back or arms, or if the muscles on one side are stronger than the other. When I don't workout, the only connection I have with my body is lamenting over the areas that hurt from being sedentary. It's funny how my mind has defaulted to a place of such resistance to working out over the years. I had myself convinced that if I felt tired before working out, that I would surely just be completely demolishing any amount of energy I had in me by working out. The truth is quite opposite, I feel so awake and alive when I get done with exercise, even though my weekday sessions are between 10-20 minutes. Last Thursday I did a 10 minute strength class and it was only 4 exercises (squat jumps, push ups, forearm planks and split squats) but we did them with no rest between moves and very little rest between sets. That was challenging and I was sore for 3 days after. So, for my fitness level right now, I don't need long sessions. I have been getting in a 45 minute interval walking session on Saturdays since there are no time constraints. I have concurrently joined a work challenge to workout 600+ minutes (on the Peleton app) between January 20th and March 1. The time counts toward both challenges, so I figured it can only push me more to stay committed. Exercise is one big area of my life where I was creating the wrong kind of resistance (mental instead of physical) for so long and my body is now thanking me by relieving almost all my joint pain. Another thing I noticed recently revolves around the cold weather. We knew LA Nina was going to make this winter colder and boy has it! We have had many days where windchill made it feel like less than 10 degrees Fahrenheit. Actually, it seems like the majority of the winter has been that way. Normally in winter, I will keep my dog in the yard if the windchill temperature is less than 20 degrees because his paws get cold so fast. I also have Raynaud's phenomenon, which means my fingers and toes don't get proper blood flow due to a spasm, so they can get dangerously numb quickly. This winter, my dog seems to not want to take no for an answer where walks are concerned, and I have found myself walking him in much colder weather. To my surprise, he and I have both tolerated it much better than I expected. The cold was another area where I was creating mental resistance. I am learning to be a little more flexible with my thinking on that. Another thing I am noticing is that multiple times a day I give gratitude for things and it is building on itself. I had a bit of an aha moment when I was thinking about how I always feel so much negativity toward my upbringing and without dwelling on the dark stuff I said to myself, ...'but I'm glad I got enough of what I needed to at least get through.' It was probably the first time I ever had gratitude for the darker past, and it was an eye opener. Sure, my mom broke my spirit many times but there was just enough love/ attention/ support/food/bedtime stories or songs that I survived. We need some of that for our brains and bodies to develop properly, and I clearly did, so for the first time I gave gratitude for that instead of focusing on the negatives. It was really healing and I think that building this habit of gratitude and questioning the areas of mental resistance will help me get past some things that have kept me viewing myself as a helpless victim. Lastly, I am inspired by seeing others' success, and have happened upon fatgirlfedup on Instagram. Her success and attitude are so inspiring. I'll finish this blog with two of the memes she recently shared in hopes it inspires you!