Rush Rush
TGIF am I right? Today my back is so stiff and getting through yoga felt like a burden. Mentally I am stale and it will be a true challenge to keep my mind positive today. It may even take (gasp) a Diet Coke. Lol. While I was doing yoga I was thinking to myself I only have one more day of having to do it in my cramped bedroom before I can sprawl out in the living room over the weekend. Then it dawned on me that today is FrIdAy, not Thursday, and I got a little happy lift!
My goal in life is to get to the point where I am excited about every day, not just a certain day/days of the week. That is the middle path. I do believe there is plenty to be happy/excited/appreciative about every single day if we look for it. I do get these moments of clarity more and more lately. Maybe it's a part of aging, maybe it is because I am open to it and really want to feel it. Sometimes I will become entranced by the sensory imput of a moment or group of moments, the colors or patterns, the sounds; smells. It is a brief time of nearly euphoric awareness and I am so grateful for every time it happens to me. In those moments, there is only sensory input, not emotional attachment or judgement of what I am experiencing, it's a magnificent awakening.
Lately I have been noticing the speed of things and it is something that causes some friction in me. Everything seems to be rushed, time-sensitive, pushing, stretching, stressing. People tailgating or looking at their watch while I help them purchase or fix glasses; deadlines and work, nothing slowing down. I have customers who are retired and they just about hop between one foot and the other trying to make their transaction go faster. Why is everyone is such a rush? And can't anyone see how being that way makes us so stressed out and unhappy?! I am noticing it and I don't like it.
When I was a teenager I remember feeling that the world was rushing in circles around me and I was the only standing still long enough to see it. At the time, it made me feel small and sad because I was different, I didn't fit in; I would always put stress on myself to try and keep up with everyone, make time such a central focus, have a purpose to be rushing around for. But now I see it as I am the one who can decide to take my time and be less stressed out. If someone is tailgating me, I slow down; they can pass me or turn off if they don't like my pace. If there is an unrealistic deadline or goal at work I tell my boss I will try my best but also realistically state my obstacles so he knows that if I don't meet the deadline there are legitemate reasons why. When I feel like my family or friends needs something and they are pushing or rushing me, I am going to be true to myself, and have my own self in mind when I answer. I have spent too much time trying to be so much for so many and it has taken a big bite out of my enjoyment of life. I am still a people-pleaser and that won't change, but it will be on my schedule.
I did this on Wednesday and was surprised at the result. I am a softee for my kids, and when they ask for something I am usually pretty much on-board, I will put myself out for them. My husband is not necessarily that way and my kids think he is strict but he likes to teach them lessons without telling them what he's doing. Anyway, my younger son loves the color red and he has been using red plastic, Solo-type cups for water but he ran out. We had a whole mess of blue and green ones that his brother wasn't using so when he asked me to please go get some more red cups, I hemmed and hawed about it. It was 6pm and I was tired from work and getting up early and just didn't feel like running to the store. I considered it for a few minutes and then told him, "It's only a few more days until I go grocery shopping, you can either use the other colors or glass glasses until then, OK?" And he agreed, which is much more mature than he had handled that in the past. My husband ended up needing to stop at the store to get some stuff for his lunch the next day and he played the softee role and got him some red cups. That was a little out of character for him and it warmed my heart. My son was tickled pink. The autism mind is a little less flexible than average so what seems like a silly thing to be concerened about (the color of a cup) is a bigger deal to him. I wasn't trying to discount him, but compromise with him while getting what I needed, some rest and a break from doing everything for everyone. My husband has been working an average of 60 hours per week and it does make me feel guilty if I don't try and accomplish everything so he doesn't have to do much, but I can't allow my guilt to drive me to uncomfortable places. Yes, I could have went to the store, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but I didn't want to and for once I said no. And I intend to start sticking up for myself more. If I want things to go slower I can. I am allowed to take up time and space. I belong where I am. Time will pass whether or not I am stressed out, and I would rather not be stressed.
My goal in life is to get to the point where I am excited about every day, not just a certain day/days of the week. That is the middle path. I do believe there is plenty to be happy/excited/appreciative about every single day if we look for it. I do get these moments of clarity more and more lately. Maybe it's a part of aging, maybe it is because I am open to it and really want to feel it. Sometimes I will become entranced by the sensory imput of a moment or group of moments, the colors or patterns, the sounds; smells. It is a brief time of nearly euphoric awareness and I am so grateful for every time it happens to me. In those moments, there is only sensory input, not emotional attachment or judgement of what I am experiencing, it's a magnificent awakening.
Lately I have been noticing the speed of things and it is something that causes some friction in me. Everything seems to be rushed, time-sensitive, pushing, stretching, stressing. People tailgating or looking at their watch while I help them purchase or fix glasses; deadlines and work, nothing slowing down. I have customers who are retired and they just about hop between one foot and the other trying to make their transaction go faster. Why is everyone is such a rush? And can't anyone see how being that way makes us so stressed out and unhappy?! I am noticing it and I don't like it.
When I was a teenager I remember feeling that the world was rushing in circles around me and I was the only standing still long enough to see it. At the time, it made me feel small and sad because I was different, I didn't fit in; I would always put stress on myself to try and keep up with everyone, make time such a central focus, have a purpose to be rushing around for. But now I see it as I am the one who can decide to take my time and be less stressed out. If someone is tailgating me, I slow down; they can pass me or turn off if they don't like my pace. If there is an unrealistic deadline or goal at work I tell my boss I will try my best but also realistically state my obstacles so he knows that if I don't meet the deadline there are legitemate reasons why. When I feel like my family or friends needs something and they are pushing or rushing me, I am going to be true to myself, and have my own self in mind when I answer. I have spent too much time trying to be so much for so many and it has taken a big bite out of my enjoyment of life. I am still a people-pleaser and that won't change, but it will be on my schedule.
I did this on Wednesday and was surprised at the result. I am a softee for my kids, and when they ask for something I am usually pretty much on-board, I will put myself out for them. My husband is not necessarily that way and my kids think he is strict but he likes to teach them lessons without telling them what he's doing. Anyway, my younger son loves the color red and he has been using red plastic, Solo-type cups for water but he ran out. We had a whole mess of blue and green ones that his brother wasn't using so when he asked me to please go get some more red cups, I hemmed and hawed about it. It was 6pm and I was tired from work and getting up early and just didn't feel like running to the store. I considered it for a few minutes and then told him, "It's only a few more days until I go grocery shopping, you can either use the other colors or glass glasses until then, OK?" And he agreed, which is much more mature than he had handled that in the past. My husband ended up needing to stop at the store to get some stuff for his lunch the next day and he played the softee role and got him some red cups. That was a little out of character for him and it warmed my heart. My son was tickled pink. The autism mind is a little less flexible than average so what seems like a silly thing to be concerened about (the color of a cup) is a bigger deal to him. I wasn't trying to discount him, but compromise with him while getting what I needed, some rest and a break from doing everything for everyone. My husband has been working an average of 60 hours per week and it does make me feel guilty if I don't try and accomplish everything so he doesn't have to do much, but I can't allow my guilt to drive me to uncomfortable places. Yes, I could have went to the store, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but I didn't want to and for once I said no. And I intend to start sticking up for myself more. If I want things to go slower I can. I am allowed to take up time and space. I belong where I am. Time will pass whether or not I am stressed out, and I would rather not be stressed.
My first thought about the red solo cup? You played the strict role and that allowed your husband to back off and be the softie...a role he usually doesn’t get to play because he sees the need for a strict and soft balance. Your being strict not only helped your son...but it gave your husband some joy in allowing him to do something soft. :-)
ReplyDeleteMaryFran, so true about the balance. Its funny, I am the more practical, planner and creative fixer of the family, and he's the funny one who has a knack for keeping us all entertained. But when it comes to our parenting we are opposites, him more firm and me generally aiming to understand and reason with them. We fill in each others' gaps so it works. It was nice to see that soft moment though, and my son was so appreciative.
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