Happy New Year!

Well well well, 2022 is finally here! I know a lot of people had a rough year, I know COVID made things even more tough for some, and up until last week I was feeling a bit guilty that 2021 kind of rocked for me. We bought our first home, with hardwood floors and views of Lake Michigan, we moved to the most charming, friendly town with a giant beach only a ten minute walk from home, and I started a new job where I get to stay in my lounge wear and slippers and pat my dogs head during my work day. I mentioned in my last post that Christmas left me with a depressed feeling. It was so heavy and dark. My younger son was bummed out that we didn't go visit my husband's step-family because he loves to see his cousins. This son is nearly 17 and practically never leaves his room. He has autism so he didn't really make friends in school and now he goes to school online, by choice. Still, my husband and I really wanted the day to be perfect for our sons and it turns out we missed the mark. My husband kept saying, "I hope we're doing right by the boys, I hope they had an OK Christmas." After all the time and money and energy spent to try and make it so, we fell short. We will see the step family again, it's just a lot more involved now since we don't live as close and awkward without my mother-in-law. The day after Christmas was sunny and just what we needed, we got out for a drive. We drove up the lake to some summer tourist spots and had lunch and came home feeling lighter. On Monday it showed. A few inches were already on the ground when I woke at 5am and I thought about my husband and his lon commute, which takes an hour on good roads. He is very skillful and calm in driving in snow and has never gotten in an accident so I put it out of my head. I got the dog out and then did somw yoga. When I went to shut off the video I noticed I had a missed call from my husband. He never calls. He had just gotten across the 100-foot tall bridge and was changing lanes and the snow between the lanes made him spin out. He hit a concrete wall twice before coming to a stop. Fortunately, at 5:40am there weren't any cars near him so it was just him and the wall and he was completely uninjured. He was about 10 minutes from work, he almost made it. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I have anxiety about driving/traveling in snow and I worry so much about my husband driving in it too so this was a big hit to my mental health. My husband took it pretty hard, thinking that his driving skills were in question. The car is a big mystery to us. It got towed and our insurance company gave him a loaner to use until we know if it can be saved. The day after the accident, my husband worked again and the snow came down heavy in the afternoon. I was dreading it the whole time and while waiting the agonizing hour and a half it took him to get home I was seeing people sliding all over the roads in front of our house and my stomach was doing flip-flops and I felt like I was going to pass out. For the first time he admitted to not wanting to commute that long in this weather. He admitted over the week that having that happen to him makes him feel incredibly vulnerable every time he has to drive in snow now. The good thing about it is he is now seriously looking for jobs closer to home, which I wanted him to do from the start. A few days ago my older son (18 years) broke down and said his anxiety is making him feel suicidal. He feels like a failure because he graduated in June and hasn't started working yet because his anxiety prevents him from taking initiative. He also has autism and ADHD but he's got a brilliant mind. My younger son has also said he wants to get help for anxiety. So here we are, 3 out of 4 of us with known anxiety. My husband and I have been having bad dreams all week and I am started to let my anxiety over COVID creep in too as I code more and more charts of people dying from it. Our hospitals are full. I have yet to get my booster and know I need to. Even though I know it doesn't protect as well against the Omicron variety, it will give me peace of mind to get the booster. My coworker and her family are just going through their second round of COVID. She is in her 30's and fit and she has long-term lung and heart issues from her first infection. All of these things really sat heavy on our family all week and made me reassess our year. At best, it was a roller-coaster year. We overcame a lot, with losing my mother-in-law to cancer, the trials of house hunting during the absolute chaos of a seller's market, moving and adapting to so many changes in a new unfamiliar place, my husband's dance with COVID, and the accident. Overall, we have been blessed in many ways, but it still gave me a sigh and a pause on New Year's Eve. I felt like celebrating not because we were leaving the old year behind, but because as a family we overcame all of those changes and I know we are stronger because of it. So I got some frozen pizza, soda, tortilla chips with salsa and some wine and we celebrated as a family. I know logically that just because it's a new year doesn't mean we forget the old and nothing bad will happen, but the symbolic fresh start feels good anyway. I enjoyed our evening and my stomach hated me this morning. I wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed but I do know that my stomach has probably spoken to me before about my poor choices but I wasn't listening for so many years. Tonight I am cooking a keto casserole called Buttery Chicken Caserole. Hopefully that will start the new year out right! Yoga with Adriene starred the 30-day Move series today. I'm looking forward to the commitment to moving easier. I have been skipping yoga all week because I assumed I would need to work overtime this week but my team kicked booty and got caught up so no overtime needed! I am in a strange place as far as new year's resolutions go because I already started my healthier lifestyle in November so I think my 2022 goal for myself is to help ensure myself and my sons get the help we need for our anxiety. Living in fear is very oppressive and depressing. It's time to stop letting it steal so much of our happiness. I hope you all had a great time ringing in the new year. Here's to a fresh start!