Scared and confused
I have putting some focus on the psychological aspects of my journey lately, but things like what happened over the weekend make me doubt myself a lot. I have been having chest congestion for a month, but no cough. I know you cannot get antibiotics for chest stuff unless it's really bad like pneumonia, so I figured I'd try some OTC medicines for sinus and chest. About once a year I get either a sinus infection or bronchitis, but honestly, l feel like my sinuses are always stuffy. Anyway, I figured a month was long enough to wait for chest stuff and it's not getting better-some wheezing and tightness as times, so I went to the walk-in to see if I could get an antibiotic for the sinus infection, knowing it would be beneficial to my lungs and ear (which gets really stuffy and gives me vertigo). My blood pressure was higher than its ever been. I freaked out when I saw it at 144/102 because my norm is 120-130/80. Sometimes even lower. The nurse didn't make a big deal about it, she checked what it was at my last visit (November 12th) 120/86. I let that stew in my mind as she listened to my lungs and looked in my ears. She seemed in a rush, and quickly dismissed me with a prescription for an antibiotic. I couldn't stop thinking about my blood pressure. I took my blood pressure again at home and it was still really elevated. I googled whether this could possibly be a side effect of the sinus infection and there was a lot of information that shows that it can be a cause. Today I took it again and it is still just as high. I googled info about the antibiotic I am on (doxycycline) and one of the side effects is that it can elevate blood pressure. I should've been comforted by that but I think it made me panic more. I wanted to hide this from my husband out of embarrassment and not wanting him to judge me,but I told him. It definitely freaks me out. There were a couple times today and in the previous weeks, that I felt a couple twangs of pain in my chest, but I dismissed it as something else. But I think I am going to call my Dr tomorrow and see if I should come in. I'm actually starting to feel better from the infection/lungs in fact I finally feel like I can take big, deep breaths again and it is such a relief! But I'm worried about my heart.
It's in these moments of reacting emotionally to my fears that I really beat myself up. And I immediately started planning to get back on South Beach Diet. Another diet. So I can yo-yo again? I don't know what the answer is. I guess I have some things to try and figure out for myself. I will take my blood pressure again in the morning, without caffeine in my system, to see where I'm at, if it's still high I'll call my dr. I was supposed to have a stress test and echocardiogram last year and had to cancel, but I think I might request to reschedule those given my recent issues. I hate how much anxiety I get about my health and I hate how it's not enough, on its own, to make me change permanently. I am digging my own grave and filling it with chocolates.
I may go back on South Beach for a couple weeks to break my sugar cravings, but I won't look at it as a lifetime restriction. I have to mesh a few different things together in order for it to work. My last semester of college starts in a few short weeks, I'd like to have a handle on some of this before then. I hate the feeling of starting something unprepared, which is sort of what I'm thinking of doing, but I have to start making healthier choices at some point. I am sick of being worried about my health, knowing I have control over so much of it. Then again, I've always known that but it hasn't convinced me to stick to anything permanently yet. I am going to admit that I'm confused and starting back on a tried and effective path seems comforting and right at this time. I can keep trying to figure the rest out as I go.