It's in these moments of reacting emotionally to my fears that I really beat myself up. And I immediately started planning to get back on South Beach Diet. Another diet. So I can yo-yo again? I don't know what the answer is. I guess I have some things to try and figure out for myself. I will take my blood pressure again in the morning, without caffeine in my system, to see where I'm at, if it's still high I'll call my dr. I was supposed to have a stress test and echocardiogram last year and had to cancel, but I think I might request to reschedule those given my recent issues. I hate how much anxiety I get about my health and I hate how it's not enough, on its own, to make me change permanently. I am digging my own grave and filling it with chocolates.
I may go back on South Beach for a couple weeks to break my sugar cravings, but I won't look at it as a lifetime restriction. I have to mesh a few different things together in order for it to work. My last semester of college starts in a few short weeks, I'd like to have a handle on some of this before then. I hate the feeling of starting something unprepared, which is sort of what I'm thinking of doing, but I have to start making healthier choices at some point. I am sick of being worried about my health, knowing I have control over so much of it. Then again, I've always known that but it hasn't convinced me to stick to anything permanently yet. I am going to admit that I'm confused and starting back on a tried and effective path seems comforting and right at this time. I can keep trying to figure the rest out as I go.