Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Never Give Up

*this is a post from 1/10/13 that just now processed*
Today I did my post holiday weigh-in for my work's Maintain, Don't Gain contest. My result? Exactly the same weight as when I weighed in seven weeks ago. I'm a little surprised with not working out and not watching my diet. And, my in-laws are really good bakers and cooks. Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted I'm not heavier than I am, but maintaining at 175 isn't necessarily what I want for myself. Granted, that weight includes everything I've eaten this morning (weigh in was at 9:30am). I have been around 172 in the morning. Just twenty measly pounds below where I started two years ago. It makes me sad that I was once all the way down to 154 and I have gone the wrong direction, but me being a person who loves challenge, it also gets me excited to think ahead to the time when I beat that goal and keep moving forward. I know it can happen. I know it will happen.
It has been unseasonably warm and sunny the past few days ("warm" for Wisconsin winter means in the 40's"). And that makes it feel a little like spring. Winter has a way of making me feel like it's perpetual gloom will never leave, but with a lot less snow this year, and more sun, I have been able to look ahead to spring and summer and fool myself into feeling the uplift that those seasons bring me. When I think ahead to spring and summer, I see myself active and on-track, but I know if I wait until then, it'll be too late. I know if I get back on track, my body will respond fairly quickly, I just have to find a way to be consistent. Giving in to sweets is such a slippery slope, and it has been my downfall in this journey many times. When I deny myself sweets, I stop craving them and its easier to stay on track. I think when I am ready to start again, I will do a ketogenic diet for a week or two to cleanse my system of the carbs I've been allowing myself.
Lately I have no appetite, and I know that is due to what I'm eating as well as how seldom I eat. When I do eat something clean, (usually when my husband's around or when nothing else looks good) I pat myself on the back (mentally) as if I should have some sort of badge of honor. I've gotten so used to sleeping that extra hour and not having to think about what I'm eating, and I can't say it's making me happy. Especially when I look in the mirror or zip up my pants.
My knee has been much less swollen and painful for the past three days, which makes me very happy/hopeful that my time is coming. I just need to not slip on the ice anymore, that has set me back 3 times already. Am I going to be doing squats or training for a 5K? Not on your life! But right now I'm allowing it to be an excuse to not do anything, and that is just pure glut and laziness. But I'm taking a lot of positive lessons from this. I need to take care of myself, my body is already showing me some of the Hell I will face if I don't. I like feeling good, flexible, energetic, happy, proud of myself. I like the thought of shopping for and wearing cute clothes. I know I can have what I want and I have a feeling 2013 is the year I will make the positive changes I need to make in order to turn this thing back around. I'm a woman on a mission. Bad knees or tough semesters, I am going to crush my previous low, and aim to get below 150 this year. And if next year at this time I am still writing that I need to fix things, I think there should be some sort of consequence I place on myself, I just have to come up with a good one like having to wear a moo-moo in public or having to post photos of myself in a bathing suit on Facebook. I'll think of something.
So this weekend I think I will spend some time with my South Beach Diet book and my Live Fit resource, and figure out what kind of food I can stomach on-plan. I may just be ready to get back into this on Monday. That should be just in time for some of the 'resolutioners' to have dropped out of the gym. Yeah, I think I'm ready. I can work around the knee, and once it's 100% I will find out what I need to do to prevent it from happening again.
It's good to be back. I hope you are all feeling good and happy and warm and hopeful. And proud of yourselves. Happy Thursday!

Keto Boredom

Sometimes in life, we just buck-up and do what must be done, and in doing so we realize that it's really not that bad being responsible. There's a sense of pride that comes from doing what we know we should, despite the temptation to indulge in the delicious rebellion that comes from doing what we know we shouldn't.
I am on day 3 of getting back to some sense of responsible eating. I am doing a ketogenic diet, basically phase 1 of South Beach Diet, which means clean proteins and some veggies with some fats. I have committed to keto in a long time because it bores me to tears, and I haven't had the mental energy to dedicate to planning meat-free, low carb meals. But I have been letting things slide for too long, and my carb cravings were out of control.
I feel pretty good so far. I've dropped 4 pounds of water in 3 days, and while it might be pure coincidence, my knee feels much better since I dumped the excess carbs. My main goal in going keto was to break the sugar addiction, and I think it has been successful already, but I think I'll continue at least through the weekend to give it at least a full week. It isn't something I can continue very long, as I am struggling to find palatable options that are accepted on plan. The only "meat" I'm eating right now is tuna, which I have on a salad covered with veg and lime juice/olive oil. My other protein sources are pistachios, natural peanut butter, eggs, refried beans and low fat cheese. I don't think about food much on keto, but I'm constantly starving. My husband told me to learn to appreciate it, because that means my body is processing my food very efficiently, and using the good stuff. I'm not excited about my journey right now, but as my body starts changing again, I think I will be. Now that my knee is feeling better every day, I can start turning my attention back to the gym. I don't relish the thought of getting out of bed early to head out in freezing, blowing weather, but I can't only do healthy things part of the year.
So here I am, beginning again, half-heartedly, hoping I've learned enough to make it stick this time.
Here goes nothing! Again.