Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Never Give Up

*this is a post from 1/10/13 that just now processed*
Today I did my post holiday weigh-in for my work's Maintain, Don't Gain contest. My result? Exactly the same weight as when I weighed in seven weeks ago. I'm a little surprised with not working out and not watching my diet. And, my in-laws are really good bakers and cooks. Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted I'm not heavier than I am, but maintaining at 175 isn't necessarily what I want for myself. Granted, that weight includes everything I've eaten this morning (weigh in was at 9:30am). I have been around 172 in the morning. Just twenty measly pounds below where I started two years ago. It makes me sad that I was once all the way down to 154 and I have gone the wrong direction, but me being a person who loves challenge, it also gets me excited to think ahead to the time when I beat that goal and keep moving forward. I know it can happen. I know it will happen.
It has been unseasonably warm and sunny the past few days ("warm" for Wisconsin winter means in the 40's"). And that makes it feel a little like spring. Winter has a way of making me feel like it's perpetual gloom will never leave, but with a lot less snow this year, and more sun, I have been able to look ahead to spring and summer and fool myself into feeling the uplift that those seasons bring me. When I think ahead to spring and summer, I see myself active and on-track, but I know if I wait until then, it'll be too late. I know if I get back on track, my body will respond fairly quickly, I just have to find a way to be consistent. Giving in to sweets is such a slippery slope, and it has been my downfall in this journey many times. When I deny myself sweets, I stop craving them and its easier to stay on track. I think when I am ready to start again, I will do a ketogenic diet for a week or two to cleanse my system of the carbs I've been allowing myself.
Lately I have no appetite, and I know that is due to what I'm eating as well as how seldom I eat. When I do eat something clean, (usually when my husband's around or when nothing else looks good) I pat myself on the back (mentally) as if I should have some sort of badge of honor. I've gotten so used to sleeping that extra hour and not having to think about what I'm eating, and I can't say it's making me happy. Especially when I look in the mirror or zip up my pants.
My knee has been much less swollen and painful for the past three days, which makes me very happy/hopeful that my time is coming. I just need to not slip on the ice anymore, that has set me back 3 times already. Am I going to be doing squats or training for a 5K? Not on your life! But right now I'm allowing it to be an excuse to not do anything, and that is just pure glut and laziness. But I'm taking a lot of positive lessons from this. I need to take care of myself, my body is already showing me some of the Hell I will face if I don't. I like feeling good, flexible, energetic, happy, proud of myself. I like the thought of shopping for and wearing cute clothes. I know I can have what I want and I have a feeling 2013 is the year I will make the positive changes I need to make in order to turn this thing back around. I'm a woman on a mission. Bad knees or tough semesters, I am going to crush my previous low, and aim to get below 150 this year. And if next year at this time I am still writing that I need to fix things, I think there should be some sort of consequence I place on myself, I just have to come up with a good one like having to wear a moo-moo in public or having to post photos of myself in a bathing suit on Facebook. I'll think of something.
So this weekend I think I will spend some time with my South Beach Diet book and my Live Fit resource, and figure out what kind of food I can stomach on-plan. I may just be ready to get back into this on Monday. That should be just in time for some of the 'resolutioners' to have dropped out of the gym. Yeah, I think I'm ready. I can work around the knee, and once it's 100% I will find out what I need to do to prevent it from happening again.
It's good to be back. I hope you are all feeling good and happy and warm and hopeful. And proud of yourselves. Happy Thursday!

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