Deep Lessons
Last week was tough. I found myself so stressed out much of the time, mostly with so many demands on my time and attention, and what felt like a huge compromise of my free time. That always makes me feel bad because that down time is what rejuvenates me and when I I don't get enough of it I get crabby, which sets off the trigger of wanting food to make me happier.
I did really well with food and exercise though, reminding myself that slacking in those areas never got me where I wanted them to.
The weekend was full but not overwhelming. We had Subway Friday night and I was surprised how many calories (more than 800) were in the wrap that I chose. I guess it's a eye-opener! I wasn't hungry at bedtime so the calories were pretty similar to any other day, but it sure makes me realize that nothing should be taken for granted calorie-wise unless I'm eating plain raw veggies. Lol.
Saturday and Sunday we spent outdoors for good chunks of the day. I got to hunt for beach glass, take an icy hike up and down a steep hill and see the awesome waves of Lake Michigan under the influence of strong winds. We also went to my husband's work gathering which led to me drinking more beer than I should have, and eating way less food than I should have. To be fair, if it's more than 12 oz of beer it's a bit much for me. I think I drank about 32 oz and felt pretty rough the next morning. Ugh.
Still, I was active all weekend without doing structured exercise. My legs are still sore from the squatting over glass-hunting for 90 minutes and that hill, but I think I did pretty good this weekend, all things considered.
I slacked on calorie counting, which felt too much of a hassle with the appetizer spread of things I didn't all know what I was eating or how much. I only ate what could fit on a salad plate so I didn't go crazy with calories.
Today I took some time to listen to some of the Geneen Roth workshop that I purchased. There were points where I cried because what she was saying really hit home. One point she made is that when we are growing up, we form our beliefs about who we are and our damaged pieces, by those around from whom we are seeking love, acceptance and approval. Our parents, teachers, community, peers. The feedback they give us about who and what we are (and who we should aim to be) are filtered through their own experiences. But because we are longing for these things from them we start to behave as if their beliefs about us are true. An example she used is if your mother is depressed and reacts negatively when you are exuberant or happy, she will give you the idea that you are too much. And because you seek her love and attention you tame yourself, who you really are, so she will continue to love or at least tolerate you. You begin to believe that if you let yourself be yourself your mother won't love you." What gets paid attention to grows. The thing that DID get you the attention of others is what became big in our lives. Obedience, being quiet, being out of the way, for me, feeling invisible kept the undesirable attention (my mother's temper) away so I stopped asking for attention even though I was dying for it. There's a lot of raw stuff that was opened for me just listening. So much more than what I have written here, and I will be paying more attention to these things because as Geneen put it, "When you lose the weight, you don't lose the reasons why you ate; the beliefs about being damaged at the core don't go away until you question them."
I set the intention of using Geneen Roth's teachings in this attempt of getting to a healthier place, as part of a 3-part tool kit, and today's lessons reminded me how crucial they will be in the long term of adopting a healthier life all around. I will write more once I have more time to reflect.
Happy Monday!
I did really well with food and exercise though, reminding myself that slacking in those areas never got me where I wanted them to.
The weekend was full but not overwhelming. We had Subway Friday night and I was surprised how many calories (more than 800) were in the wrap that I chose. I guess it's a eye-opener! I wasn't hungry at bedtime so the calories were pretty similar to any other day, but it sure makes me realize that nothing should be taken for granted calorie-wise unless I'm eating plain raw veggies. Lol.
Saturday and Sunday we spent outdoors for good chunks of the day. I got to hunt for beach glass, take an icy hike up and down a steep hill and see the awesome waves of Lake Michigan under the influence of strong winds. We also went to my husband's work gathering which led to me drinking more beer than I should have, and eating way less food than I should have. To be fair, if it's more than 12 oz of beer it's a bit much for me. I think I drank about 32 oz and felt pretty rough the next morning. Ugh.
Still, I was active all weekend without doing structured exercise. My legs are still sore from the squatting over glass-hunting for 90 minutes and that hill, but I think I did pretty good this weekend, all things considered.
I slacked on calorie counting, which felt too much of a hassle with the appetizer spread of things I didn't all know what I was eating or how much. I only ate what could fit on a salad plate so I didn't go crazy with calories.
Today I took some time to listen to some of the Geneen Roth workshop that I purchased. There were points where I cried because what she was saying really hit home. One point she made is that when we are growing up, we form our beliefs about who we are and our damaged pieces, by those around from whom we are seeking love, acceptance and approval. Our parents, teachers, community, peers. The feedback they give us about who and what we are (and who we should aim to be) are filtered through their own experiences. But because we are longing for these things from them we start to behave as if their beliefs about us are true. An example she used is if your mother is depressed and reacts negatively when you are exuberant or happy, she will give you the idea that you are too much. And because you seek her love and attention you tame yourself, who you really are, so she will continue to love or at least tolerate you. You begin to believe that if you let yourself be yourself your mother won't love you." What gets paid attention to grows. The thing that DID get you the attention of others is what became big in our lives. Obedience, being quiet, being out of the way, for me, feeling invisible kept the undesirable attention (my mother's temper) away so I stopped asking for attention even though I was dying for it. There's a lot of raw stuff that was opened for me just listening. So much more than what I have written here, and I will be paying more attention to these things because as Geneen put it, "When you lose the weight, you don't lose the reasons why you ate; the beliefs about being damaged at the core don't go away until you question them."
I set the intention of using Geneen Roth's teachings in this attempt of getting to a healthier place, as part of a 3-part tool kit, and today's lessons reminded me how crucial they will be in the long term of adopting a healthier life all around. I will write more once I have more time to reflect.
Happy Monday!
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