Even stressed out in my sleep
When I first learned Wisconsin had Safer-at-home orders, I started planning all the things I would do with my free time once I was furloughed, which I was certain would happen. I was going to workout and meditate in the morning, there was a tea ritual thrown in for good measure, I would clean and organize my entire appartment and get into good habits of keeping it up, I was going to work on craft projects and try some new recipes, I was going to continue (and since we're fantasizing here, complete) some genealogy and research projects I've been working on, send cards and letters to loved ones, oh yeah, and plan our family reunion.
When I found out that everyone else in my department would be furloughed but I would still be working, I was flooded with so many negative emotions that I couldn't see the bright side, and my mind was being really stubborn about it. But as much as I don't want to be working with this deadly virus around, I am, and that's just what it is. I made a choice that was right for my family based on the options I was given, to choose to be off without pay and not eligible for unemployment because I denied hours offered, or work half the hours I normally would, in a protected way, and be able to claim unemployment for the hours lost. I have accepted my choice but I can't say it has been easy. The 4 hours a day that I am at work I am bombarded with calls, contact lens orders, problems that I would normally be able to solve but have been prevented from doing so due to COVID19 policy put in place to protect my customers and myself. I'm having to say no a lot which is really uncomfortable for me, especially where my customers are concerned. I have so so many tasks that keep piling up, things my supervisor or other opticians normally do or help with, and a million more things I know I'm forgetting but then the phone rings again and the next task piled on. It is a 4-hour whirlwind that keeps rocking me even when I try to sleep at night. Sometimes I have the illusion of catching up on one thing and then something else comes up. I dread that feeling of being so far behind that all there is is total chaos. Besides that I honestly have trouble staying focused on one thing at a time and working it all the way through then moving onto the next. I am designing ways to try and help me be more organized, color-coded trays for the different stores' work, writing things down on a long list so I can review it before leaving to make sure everything gets ordered correctly, and today I will bring a notebook with tabs so I can organize tasks better. I'm losing my marbles a little but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not permanent and I am not only a huge help but a huge asset to my team and my company during this time. And my yearly review and raise is due at the end of the month.
I know I'll get through this, I just need to vent from time to time. I am keeping a journal about what it's like to live through this and I know it'll be fascinating to look back at in years to come.
In the meantime I am listening to my body the best I can. I am not in the great place I was a month ago, but I'm not in the bad place I was before the new year. Some annoying physical things have cropped up again, some catching/ snapping thing in my leg/buttocks, the persistence of the swollen ankle, and what I think is a sinus infection beginning. I am not stressing my body out right now but I am stretching more and taking more hot baths.
So this is my new normal for now. Maybe if I can get a handle on some things at work I can sleep better and have more energy to devote to getting back on track. Life was so much simpler when all I had to focus on was tracking calories and picking which zumba videos to do each morning. I have faith that life will go back to normal before we know it, and oh how much more we will appreciate it being so! Take care!
When I found out that everyone else in my department would be furloughed but I would still be working, I was flooded with so many negative emotions that I couldn't see the bright side, and my mind was being really stubborn about it. But as much as I don't want to be working with this deadly virus around, I am, and that's just what it is. I made a choice that was right for my family based on the options I was given, to choose to be off without pay and not eligible for unemployment because I denied hours offered, or work half the hours I normally would, in a protected way, and be able to claim unemployment for the hours lost. I have accepted my choice but I can't say it has been easy. The 4 hours a day that I am at work I am bombarded with calls, contact lens orders, problems that I would normally be able to solve but have been prevented from doing so due to COVID19 policy put in place to protect my customers and myself. I'm having to say no a lot which is really uncomfortable for me, especially where my customers are concerned. I have so so many tasks that keep piling up, things my supervisor or other opticians normally do or help with, and a million more things I know I'm forgetting but then the phone rings again and the next task piled on. It is a 4-hour whirlwind that keeps rocking me even when I try to sleep at night. Sometimes I have the illusion of catching up on one thing and then something else comes up. I dread that feeling of being so far behind that all there is is total chaos. Besides that I honestly have trouble staying focused on one thing at a time and working it all the way through then moving onto the next. I am designing ways to try and help me be more organized, color-coded trays for the different stores' work, writing things down on a long list so I can review it before leaving to make sure everything gets ordered correctly, and today I will bring a notebook with tabs so I can organize tasks better. I'm losing my marbles a little but I have to keep reminding myself that it's not permanent and I am not only a huge help but a huge asset to my team and my company during this time. And my yearly review and raise is due at the end of the month.
I know I'll get through this, I just need to vent from time to time. I am keeping a journal about what it's like to live through this and I know it'll be fascinating to look back at in years to come.
In the meantime I am listening to my body the best I can. I am not in the great place I was a month ago, but I'm not in the bad place I was before the new year. Some annoying physical things have cropped up again, some catching/ snapping thing in my leg/buttocks, the persistence of the swollen ankle, and what I think is a sinus infection beginning. I am not stressing my body out right now but I am stretching more and taking more hot baths.
So this is my new normal for now. Maybe if I can get a handle on some things at work I can sleep better and have more energy to devote to getting back on track. Life was so much simpler when all I had to focus on was tracking calories and picking which zumba videos to do each morning. I have faith that life will go back to normal before we know it, and oh how much more we will appreciate it being so! Take care!
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