Life's a Beach

Like usual, we have had a lot going on lately! My oldest graduated high school and we got to have the ceremony outdoors It was so emotional for me but I'm really proud of him. I didn’t follow my own rules of not getting stressed out about stuff that didn’t need to be stressed over. coordinating the meeting of our parents in an over-crowded stadium was enough. Anyway, it all went without a hitch. I cried, there were violins and fireworks and he partied until dawn at the school. Before that, on Memorial Day weekend, we looked at our perfect little dream house, set up on a hill, overlooking Lake Michigan and a 5 minute walk to the marina and beach. The house has been completely updated and was being used as a vacation beach house. We fell in love with and made an offer and after the long holiday weekend we finally got the news that our offer was accepted! we are so over-the-moon! Now for all the paperwork and meetings, etc. It's worth it for our "happy place". We have spent a fair amount of time in our new city since then, even though we don't close on it until early August. The beach there is simply gorgeous and I can imagine myself spending a lot of time unwinding there. We will also have a big yard with nice shade trees and a back patio to enjoy. It's really hard to wait to move but I also know we have a lot of work to get done before that. And once we move we'll have a commute, roughly an hour each way. My goal is to be working from home in one facet or another by November 1st. My eating hasn't been great. Aunt Flow was almost 2 weeks late for me so I had what felt like a month-long jag of PMS. Talk about being stabby! I have noticed that I give myself a free pass the week before my period and many times that free pass lasts longer than it should. Perhaps it would be easier to just stay in the wagon instead of hopping on and off all the time. I'm not that focused right now. During my sons graduation ceremony I learned that my dad was scheduled for stress testing on his heart the next morning. He had had 5 stents put in a few years ago and was starting to feel easily winded again. I was so worried that night as we sat out in 80+ degree hear and high humidity, climbing bleacher stairs almost to the top. He will be OK even if he needs more stents (he's married to a retired nurse) but it did make me think about the blatent disregard I'm showing my heart/health lately. I am so much like him, I have no doubt I will end up in the same boat if I don't start turning things around. He is only 67 and I hate to think of losing him over his love of ice cream. We have had very hot temperatures coupled with high humidity for the past couple weeks, and in my quest for comfort I have been wearing sleeveless things or short sleeves. My arms have always been my least favorite part of my body. Sure, I don't like my bulging, lumpy stomach rolls either but I highly doubt I would ever wear a shirt that shows my stomach even if it were flat so keeping it covered is exactly what feels right, but I do like to have my arms exposed on hot days. In the past, I couldn't drum up enough self-esteem to let others see my upper arms, I was too ashamed of them. I probably dislike how they look now more than I ever have, but I do it anyway and some days I'm fine but some days it really bothers me and I want to hide. Last weekend it was a dress that I feel emphasized my big stomach, then yesterday I wore a shorter sleeve slightly clingy shirt; sometimes I feel like I need to replace my entire wardrobe. Or commit to losing weight, make it a priority again. I have this idea in my mind that starting fresh in a new place will somehow magically make me commit to a healthier lifestyle but we'll see what really happens. Until then it's one day at a time. Today I caught myself not wanting to make what I had planned for lunch and realized I was just trying to find a way to be lazy even though a veggie wrap requires very little prep. Once I realized the ridiculousness of what I was doing I made the wrap and moved on. I don't have to be lazy. I always feel like I have such little energy but deep down I know it's because I don't use any energy. When I work out I have energy to spare afterword. It lifts my mood and boosts my energy and I can't figure out why I avoid it at all costs. Well anyway, I seem to be stuck in the same old place in some respects but there is hope on the horizon. It may turn out to be small mental changes or challenging old habits, slow and steady instead of one big massive change like moving to a beach town and suddenly acting like an athlete. Whatever way it happens I will accept.