Still a lot to Learn

My five good days of being 100% on plan with food and exercise earlier this month made me proud but made me feel drained. The Peleton classes really had my knee feeling bad by the end of the week, and walking,even at a slow casual pace, was accompanied by a chorus of grinding/snapping sounds and discomfort. I was in a place of wanting to keep things going so when we went out for dinner at the end of that week, I chose a place that has the most beautiful seared ahi tuna steak with a side of grilled asparagus. It's amazing and healthy. Things went south from there. I didn't workout over the weekend and we ate out a second time that weekend. I counted incorrectly and thought Aunt Flow was due last week (really it was this week) and the low energy, flat mood that I was blaming on PMS became my reason to be lazy and not workout all last week. My eating was pretty good last week but zero exercise. This week actually is Aunt Flow and I have again used it as an excuse to let myself off the hook in both diet and exercise. My eating was probably about 80% on-plan during the week, I ate some pretzels a couple days and one night we went to the neighborhood deli for the triumphant return of their walk-up ice cream window. So there's that. I can't figure out what comes first, the hormones or the letting down my guard, but I do know that I use my period/PMS as an excuse to not hold myself accountable for my health. Its like I gp into comfort-seeking mode, as if being uncomfortable even for a minute is too overwhelming to handle. I know this is a hang-up I need to fix if I'm ever going to make progress at losing any significant amount of weight. My mood is getting better as the week progresses and I do feel hopeful about getting back on track. I started following a YouTube channel called Glitter and Lazers.

She just showed up when I opened my YouTube and I have found her to be so charismatic and her hair and makeup are enviable and her clothes are cute. I love that she seems so confident despite the comments I'm sure she gets. I just have fun watching her. So many times I have felt like I hate the majority of my wardrobe and don't really put a lot of effort into it, but she inspires me. Then I was waiting for a video to play and an ad popped up and I mistakenly clicked on the ad instead of the "skip ad" button and was so sad about the comments made about the woman in the ad.

It made me so infuriated that people still treat obese people like complete crap. I feel like we who have visible extra weight have to be tougher than those who don't because people write us off the minute they see us. Maybe instead of making me feel like crap that should empower me. How many of those who degrade others are strong enough to withstand harsh judgment themselves? Not many, I suspect, which is why they have to put others down to reassure themselves that they are superior in some manner. It's sad, really, but that's the world we live in. We who live this have to stick together. One of my favorite food-relationship authors made a recommendation of a new book from the author that majorly inspired her and I am planning to get the book and "devour" it. I will post my review when I am done. Maybe it can help me rewire my PMS comfort-seeking brain! Hope everyone is having a great week and enjoying some nice spring weather!