Treasures

I love a good treasure hunt, even better if its free. When I was young, my mother had a odd little nickname for me, "Baggers" or as it grew, "Baggerlouski" Baggers was partly because I was so small at birth, less than 6 pounds and until about the age of 8, when I finally a growth spurt, my clothes were always so baggy on me. The other reason is that I used to love to pick up "treasures" wherever I went. Rocks, wrappers, broken plastic things, bike streamers, you name it. My mom got sick of having to hold all my treasures so whenever we were leaving the house she gave me a brown paper lunch bag so I had a place to put any treasures I might encounter. Everything was a treasure to me and I love that most of the things I found, I was allowed to keep, even if they were just random pieces of trash. While I was walking my dog the other day, taking in an amazing sunrise on Lake Michigan, I ruminated on how I wish that place of pure bliss I felt last summer was the same this summer. I started thinking about recent events that made me feel a little down. Recent photos that someone took of me next to one of my street art projects, and how I feel like I either chose the least flattering shirt ever, or I really never looked as good as I thought I did, even before I put some of these pounds back on.

I guess I don't spend a lot of time looking at my backside, thank goodness! Let me tell you that I am really proud of this work, and it's right in front of an art gallery. When my husband and I stopped to see it, some friends of ours from church happened to be going into a coffee shop across the street so they came to chat. They happen to know the owner of the gallery, so she came out to say hi to them and found out I was the one who painted that piece and she said she asked to have mine in front of her gallery. That made me feel so amazing! She also asked me to teach a class in early August and it looks like it's going to happen. It's all very positive. I also had a great time meeting people and showing off my egg. This was an event where all of the eggs were in one area and the public could come see them and meet the artists. So many people complimented me and asked questions and I got to meet a lot of other great artists. I felt a little like a fraud be a everyone had really amazing landscapes or fused glass etc, but I got really positive response from it. Here I am with my egg

The egg is outside an upscale Italian steakhouse and the owner asked me to come have dinner and they wanted to get some photos of me with the egg. I was treated like a VIP. I am not used to that. So before I went on the art tangent, I was walking my dog and realizing that i feel less happy this summer. Like I know summer absolutely rules but my brain isn't processing that I should be in bliss. A huge part of it is my struggle to re-lose those extra 15 pounds (menobelly?) that seem to have piled back on out of thin air. Then, my dog was lunging forward toward something disgusting on the ground and he has a habit of eating disgusting things off the ground so I tightened his leash and told him sternly to sniff but not to eat it, saying "You can appreciate it without having it" and it immediately snapped me back to all the times I have told myself that when I was restricting. The smell of popcorn popping is nearly as enjoyable as eating it, and there's no hulls. It made me think back to my mom's tolerance of me collecting weird things off the ground. And how sometimes I would have stuff in the bag but still wanted to find one "best thing" of the day. It was the same thing when I started looking for beach glass, I would have some pieces but would be at the beach for hours at a time because I was driven to find THE piece that made the trip more special. And I think sometimes I get so busy seeking that I don't appreciate what I already have. Yes, I regained 15 pounds, but I'm still 36 pounds lighter than when I started keto. And because I've been consistently working out 5 days a week since the beginning of the year, I can tell I have gained muscle. And my art is starting to gain a larger audience from participating in these street art projects. My job is going good and everyone is healthy and my younger son got his learner's permit. There's a million things to be happy about. I also realized that you don't have to have reached your goal weight in order to feel positive about where you are on the journey. I may be battling the uphill battle of menopause and summer celebratory vibes with eating and events, but I am still mostly on track with food except the splurges on the weekends. I know if I were more strict I would probably lose more but right now, I feel like I need a little wiggle room in my weekend in order to stay on track all week. I am fasting 18 hours most days (24 hours one day) and relaxing things with shorter fasts (about 13-14 hours) and more carbs. I think I raise my cortisol when I worry about it too much! But I know that just means that's where I am right now, and none of it has to be permanent. I am sticking in my stuck spot at 170 pounds. I am happy its not more. All I can do is keep fighting the good fight and I know I'm going the right direction.