Rashes and whatnot

I keep starting posts then deleting without finishing. I think about blogging multiple times throughout the day, as I narrate my life inside my head, but then I just get busy with work and painting and before I know it, weeks have passed and I haven't blogged. This winter has been rough for my mental health. Nothing remarkable has happened, and I am not in a bad place, I just feel so flat and uninspired. The weather was a huge factor, being a colder and snowier winter than normal. I think hormones have definitely made a difference too. Last month I broke down and went to the doctor, after having a rash in my armpits for 11 months. It was itchy and burning and I assumed it was a yeast infection, so I threw every over-the-counter product I could think of before I admitted defeat and went to the doctor. Actually, besides the maddening itch, the thing that made me get it checked out is Dr. Google telling me it could be inverse psoriasis. Lightbulb moment. My dad has plaque psoriasis, which makes me more likely to get psoriasis. My doctor who I really liked moved out of state so I got to meet the Nurse Practicioner who is taking his place. She also had a male student in the room too. I didn't get a gown, so when they asked to see my rash (several times) I had to pull my dress up to expose my whole Buddah belly, bra and everything. It felt so degrading, but there's only so many ways to examine that part of the body. She sort of dismissed the psoriasis idea early on, because the most common type is plaque psoriasis, which isn't common in this area and has a rough texture. Mine was mostly smooth. I didn't tell her that inverse psoriasis is smooth, and the armpits is a very common place to find it. I was just hoping to get a referral to either dermatologist or rheumatologist. She said it looked like ringworm and did a skin scrape test to test if it was fungal. Part of me hoped it was, so I could get a cream and move on with life. But as I suspected, the test came back negative. She gave me a steroid cream, which resolved the rash within a week. Now I just cross my fingers that it doesn't come back, but if it does, she will refer me to a dermatologist to have more testing done. I have other autoimmune response issues (Raynaud's and PMLE) so part of me is always waiting to see if they are the precursor to an autoimmune disease. Anyway, in the office, the scale read 180 with all my clothes on. Cringe! And my blood pressure was slightly higher. With keto and fasting, I swing back and forth between being really on track, even on the weekends, then another weekend I eat multiple higher-carb meals. When I was consistently on track earlier in my keto journey, I could tell I was fat adapted and in ketosis, and even if I indulged in a higher-carb meals, my body would feel fine and my energy would return the next day when I got back on track. Now, when I eat a higher carb meal, I get all bloated and my joints ache for a few days and I feel like I am walking around with no energy, in a cloud of brain fog. Fasting has been similar, some weeks I nail my fasting, even doing a 24 hour fast once a week, and other weeks I don't fast more than 13 or 14 hours. I have been seeing conflicting information about fasting in menopause/peri. The last 24 hour fast I did last Tuesday, by the 23 hour mark my ketones were higher than they have been since I got my Keto Mojo meter, 0.7. That's not that great of a number, but it just shows me that a lot of time I thought I was in ketosis, I probably wasn't. When you are in ketosis, your body burns fat (instead of carbs) for energy, which is part of the mechanism that makes keto so effective for weightloss. But as we lose estrogen, we become more insulin resistant. The best way to increase ketones and drop blood sugars is to fast. So, I need to make sure I'm getting enough fat and protein to be fasting more often and throw in some longer fasts too. One doctor I follow on YouTube (Dr. Boz) does a 72 hour fast every week. Ugh. I don't think I could. I have wanted to challenge myself to do one at some point. Maybe this will be the year I attempt a 72 hour fast. That could be my resolution since I never made one. I have just finished a book called Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel. My sister actually sent me a clip of a review where someone was gushing about how transformative it was. Its about the broken parts we have due to what was missing from our relationship with our mothers. Some of it resonated with me, like the connection she draws between missing the comfort and nurturing which leads us to self-soothe with addictions, including food. She went through the different ways the bond between mother and child are broken and how we solved these missing things on our own. The comfort foods thing wasn't a new concept, but there were parts that talked about how some of these early issues in life lead to adults who don't make deep connections with others because they haven't learned to trust anyone else due to our mothers not being there when we needed soothing. I know my mom was a product of a lineage of German stoicism, where being strong and resilient was valued above most else. For the older generations, it was necessary to survive everything they overcame to leave war-torn countries and start from scratch in the U.S. The problem with that, is it left me feeling like I wasn't allowed to be sad. I was scolded and degraded if I cried when I wasn't physically wounded. "Stop being a baby, you're not bleeding!" I needed nurturing but was scolded because I had big feelings, and she wasn't there to help me navigate them. I feel like I spent much of my childhood alone, entertaining and soothing myself, but I am glad I at least had my sister. She's not quite 2 years older than me, and we fought like crazy, but she also listened when I needed an ear. Anyway, I didn't find the book transformative, it doesn't really give much advice on fixing the issues, except to state ad nauseum that you need to hire a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. One of my very favorite authors, Geneen Roth, has a new book coming out in April called "Love Finally" about her own struggles with her relationship with her mother and how that relates to the rest of her life, including weight. I am looking forward to that because the way she writes is the way I wish I could express myself, and she has a very genuine humility and soothing manner. My next book, though, will be Age like a Girl by Mindy Pelz. I have learned so much about my female hormones from watching her YouTube videos. This book is about menopause and everything our body goes through, and how to work with and honor the changes to have the desired outcomes. And I just saw a Dr. (Ken) Berry video with Cynthia Thurlow and she talks all about how our gut health changes as we go through Menopause and how to balance your hormones via gut health. She has a book called The Menopause Gut that will be out at the end of April. I am not a big reader but I enjoy health and fitness books because they give me hope. My mood has been a little brighter on some of these warmer days that almost feel and look like spring, and I am ready to push ahead with stronger resolve than I had over winter.