A Big, Needed vent

I went grocery shopping on Friday morning, which is a luxury since I am partially furloughed.  My mind was fighting the idea of restricting so bad that, even though I bought all the planned food as if I were going to go ahead and start a diet, I had a significant binge after getting groceries.  And a smaller scale binge on Saturday.  And I decided that my mind is certainly not in the right place to start something.  I finished up the Commune free trial series of classes and I did every single one offered.  One was about how holding in and not expressing pain is a way we stay trapped in unwanted patterns and we never feel whole or healed.  I  watched Russell Brand talk about addictive behaviors.  I did some core-crushing yoga with Adriene Mischler (of Yoga with Adriene fame), I did a delicious meditative yoga with Tracee Stanley and my favorite was a class with Deepak Chopra about 7 mantras for daily living.  The mantras are a word or phrase that you say, he assigns one per day of the week.  For that day you do your best to say the mantra throughout the day as a reminder of what it means.  One of my favorites is for Wednesday Sankalpa, which roughly means 'my intentions have infinite organizing powers'.  One of the exercises is to imagine your intentions having the power to heal, give strength and bring joy to others.  One of the last ideas he shares about Sankalpa is to imagine that my every thought and action is of benefit to the universe.  I  don't live that way now but seek to live that way.
As I was learning the mantras I wrote them all down and am now using them as a daily help to find some peace where it has been lacking.  I also ordered a copy of the book he was reading the mantras from to deepen my understanding of them and to use them in my life.
Aunt Flow is due this week and my cravings and emotions have been all over the place.  I have eaten chocolate two days this week and craved sweets every day this week.  It has been rough.  My emotions have been getting whipped all around too, mostly with work stuff.  Yesterday my boss's boss came to me and told me some staff would be returning Monday but that we would still only be open by appointment for emergency eyeglass repairs.  My county has had a dramatic surge in positive cases and it makes me nervous but my company has told us all along that they have our back and they won't jump into things overnight. Then today I got the news that instead we are just going to be open for routine business starting Monday, anyone whose bored and wants to try on or order glasses can waltz right in and do so.  I will have dozens of people a day in my office, touching everything and I have to get pretty close to someone to take measurements so glasses can be made.  I have never felt more screwed over by my company than I do now!  It just feels like they decided profit is more important than our health. I had a good cry about it and did some venting and decided that, whatever direction I will end up going, I am going to start my path toward leaving my job.  There's a few paths I have been thinking about and whichever one feels right to me I will pursue. At least, in the end, something good will come out of this.  If I don't get COVID19 and die first. Little lol because I'm only half kidding.
Comfort food of a cheesy bean burrito smothered in sour cream, and a hot bath will save me from a binge.  Tomorrow's a new day.  Thanks for letting me vent!