On it

After my last post I decided to weigh myself. It was early afternoon and I had already eaten a couple times, and part of me wasn't going to weigh because sometimes that can have a negative effect on my mindset if I have been on track and expecting a certain number and it doesn't show up. I have had that scenario trigger me to binge. I also don't really want my weight to be the focus, but my overall health. That may sound silly to some, but I am having things happen to my body (sun allergy, thyroid underachieving, vertigo, high blood pressure, borderline high cholesterol and blood sugars, even some kidney tests coming back slightly out of normal range) and I know what I'm putting in my body is a huge contributing factor in all of these. Because it's not a diet or someone else's rules, I don't have to feel bad ever, even when something I eat isn't plant-based or super nutritious. Yesterday I missed my morning snack because work was busy, so by the time I got home from work it had been almost 6 hours since my last meal, so I wanted something heartier than a salad. I had a bean burrito (the small ones that come frozen) and melted some cheese on it and had some pea and bean chips with it. As I was eating it, my mind quickly wondered if I should feel guilty about it (typical diet mentality) and I had such a great feeling of freedom wash over me when I realized this is a temporary little thing in a lifetime of eating; no one is setting rules out for me, no one is judging me (if they did I wouldn't sweat it anyway) AND (this is the big one) eating what my body wanted at that moment helped keep me in a better place afterwards. I listened to my body and because I didn't shame myself over it, I didn't have any difficulty eating a huge salad at my next meal. I really like not feeling guilty about eating fruits and whole grains. My physical therapy exercises are getting tougher, but this morning after finishing with some step-ups on a step stool (hello burning glutes) I realized not only was I breathing hard but I felt so fantastic physically and mentally. I know I have spent almost my whole life despising exercise (there's mental stuff there to uncover) but in all honesty, it makes me feel good! So I am trying to squeeze it into my mornings. I have a half hour between getting one son up and getting ready for work, right now I can get my physical therapy exercises done in that time with a little time to spare, so I know if I took shorter rests between sets I could fit a few more things in. My physical therapist made me do some work to strengthen my hips and glutes today and that was challenging. She is going to completely change my home exercises next week because she feels I am doing so good that it must be too easy. I am using this to my advantage and I'm grateful for the expert help! I go back to work full time next week and I think with me keeping on the exercises it will make my mood better and work won't feel as mentally challenging. I have a really positive feeling about this new way of taking care of myself. I feel now as I always have, it's never too late to try again, try something new and get out