Not Giving up

My last post was a farewell to summer, but when I wrote that, I still had two events left and my son's birthday. One event was a farmer's market in a neighboring tourist town and the other was the big fall event where my art was auctioned off. All the artists that were present got interviewed on stage and recorded. I can't believe how nervous I was. I like to think I can fake my discomfort in social interactions pretty well, but I was super nervous in that big stage. And my husband was out of town so I was alone. In the end, it went well. My piece auctioned for just under $2,000. It was the third highest of 26 pieces, which made me really proud. I will be getting to keep half of the auction price and feel so happy that people liked my art enough to purchase it! When my husband came home from his retreat, I wanted a glass of wine to officially toast a successful summer selling my art. I really don't drink often at all and the next day I woke up with raging room-flip-flopping vertigo. Unfortunately, I'm still battling it a month later. I did make a push in early October to get back into a healthy mindset and things started off well. I exercised a couple times and chose low carb items at restaurants a few times, but gave into the temptations of junk on our weekends out. My husband was getting sick of our pre-grocery shopping stop at Jimmy John's, so we started eating at a Chinese buffet. There really aren't a ton of good choices for me, except these amazing chicken skewers. I am sure I can find some low carb stuff there too, I just decided to indulge in crab Rangoon and sesame balls and rice and noodles because it was new and special and I just keep procrastinating a fresh start. I am now solidly in the low 160's weight wise, up about 10 pounds from where I was stagnating before summer. I can feel the difference and it's not the direction I wanted to go. One great thing about my good effort earlier this month is it really only took a few days for a little weight to come off and my mind switched back into the zone. I was able to fast for 15-17 hours and stick to 2 meals plus one snack in my eating window. I also gave up nuts because I have such little self control with them. I started working toward finding a product I can use to bridge a transition away from sweeteners in my water and am getting closer to a solution with that. But then, my mind went into "I'm on vacation next week" mode and I ate not just off plan, but sweets, which I used to try to avoid. The permissive mindset is part of the pre-time off party mindset, and also procrastinating "starting over" Still, I want to clean things up and set myself some more guidelines and have alternatives in place. For instance, I might invest in an ice cream maker and use low carb protein powder with heavy whipping cream to make my own ice cream when I'm craving it. Also, I haven't had a cycle since the end of June so I may be entering the early stages of menopause (??) but I keep marking my calendar for when it would be here and still allow extra snacks during what would have been my progesterone phase. I also want to be more prepared for markets and events next year, in not feeling like I can't step away from my booth to eat a proper snack. Last summer, I found myself trying to take a nibblw of a meat stick or protein bar and someone would walk up. I felt bad chewing while someone was looking at my art, so eventually I just stopped eating during events and just got super hungry, which led to less mindful choices. But one thing I really learned from this happened earlier this month when I did some strength training and HIIT sessions, when I work out, I am so much more focused on eating better to support how good my body feels. I'm guessing these extra pounds will come off even slower now that my cycles have disappeared, but this time will pass whether or not I'm working on my health. I think I am going to get things turned back around in November, which is my 3 year anniversary month of going keto. This is the longest I have ever stuck to anything and I'm not ready to give up yet.