Still Working

I am an optician.  I sell and repair glasses, in short.  I work in a health clinic that is part of a larger hospital system throughout the state.  My clinic has anything from neurosurgeons to cardiologists, to physical therapy to MRI to a staff who trims elderly patients' toenails for them.  In the vision department we have a surgeon and an optometrist on staff.  We are only seeing emergency appointments right now, detached retina, sudden loss of vision, metal shavings in the eye; you get the idea.  In optical, we are also only there for emergencies and to dispense the glasses that were sold before the Shelter-in-place orders.  Whatever could be considered an emergency with glasses you ask? If someone breaks their glasses.  Honestly, it is usually 1-2 times a week that we'll see an elderly person who has taken a nasty fall and destroyed their glasses. I digress.  I have been on shorter hours for the past two weeks, waiting to hear what the company's plans were for us (really not very essential) opticians.  The stress of not hearing anything from management was grinding me down.  I want to obey the governor's orders but my work has been not real forthcoming with communications.  Before I left for my 3 day weekend I was told to show up for Monday, that's all I knew. Then after a conference call with the president of the company, my boss and his boss came to me and said mine was the only center staying open and since I have the most seniority I would be the only one who would be getting hours, everyone else including my boss is getting furloughed. I will get roughly 24 hours a week and can file unemployment to make up the hours I will lose.  Now, I dont want anyone to think I'm not grateful to have at least some pay coming in.  I am.  And I don't have to spend all my PTO hours to not go broke.  I am grateful for that, but it comes at 2 costs; I am at a greater risk of being exposed to the virus and some of my coworkers (including my boss who has tenants in his rental properties who can't pay their rent so he's already strapped) are really struggling financially and I feel so horrible being put in that place.  When I asked my boss's boss if I volunteered to be furloughed would they (the company) stand in my way of taking unemployment and she said yes it could (likely) disqualify me since I turned down the hours offered. I cant afford to take a month off without pay, so that's the spot I was put in.  My husband doesn't understand my concerns and only says how lucky I am that I got the hours.  I think he thinks I just want to be lazy and not work.  I just want to be safe and it hurts me that he's not the least bit concerned for my safety, just the money.  He is still working full time too, warehousing paper products for a big player so he's busier than ever. 
Lately I have been bouncing back and forth between the dramatic assumption that not only will I get it but it will be bad enough to need hospitalization, and deciding I'm so tired of worrying and I am going to let the chips fall where they may.
I was hoping to have less days of work per week but it looks like I will instead have all week of shorter days.  It makes it harder to get all those awesome home organizing and deep cleaning projects done that I see everyone else doing.  Yes, I am jealous. But, all the things I have been wanting to  do can still happen if I am productive with the time I do have. I can choose to make the best of it. 

I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled brat when there are plenty of people that wish they still had a job to go to, I'm just in that odd place of being happy to still have a job but also being scared that I still have a job. 
There was another time when I was the only optician on staff, trying to run two stores and train the doctors nurses how to do optical over the phone, that was probably the most stressed out I have been at any job and this is going to be much less stressful since our traffic flow has dwindled to a trickle. I will overcome this just like everything else that has been thrown in my path.  Hope you are all getting through this OK too!