Where Have I Been?
Where have I been? Maybe no one was wondering, but I have been questioning myself as my resolve has been wavering the last two weeks. It started with me getting lax about tracking. And from the first time I let the tracking slide I knew what was up. I wanted to eat whatever I wanted and not have to see my app telling me I was over my budget. It didn't save me from feeling bad about what I was doing. Let me say, I didn't go off the rails, I didn't binge in a 4,000 calorie fashion, but I did eat for reasons other than hunger. I ate because I felt drained, I ate because I felt sad for no reason, I ate because of anxiety, because I felt overwhelmed with obligations, because someone around me was grouchy, because I got "talked to" at work because of a joke I posted on someone Facebook post that might be misconstrued as me feeling negative about my employer or my customers (eyes rolling over here), I ate because I felt like I was coming down with a cold or sinus infection, I ate because I was at a potluck luncheon.
So many reasons to justify just letting things fly. None of them make sense on paper, but in the heat of the mom5ent, it all feels logical and justified.
None of it makes me feel particularly good though, and it leaves this nagging feeling that on a very real, logical plane, I'm dishonoring what I really want because I'm letting my emotions (life) get the better of me.
It just so happened that my favorite mindful eating author, Geneen Roth, posted an offer on Facebook for a free audio session
Not only was it just what I needed to get my mind back in a good place, but it also made me think deeply about what needs I feel are unmet. When I started to let my focus on the goal go, I was definitely under the influence of hormones and justified it. But as recently as last night, I realized I was justifying for so many more reasons. Driving in unknown area at night on the way home from a church board meeting, dodging deer left and right, after a weekend that has been one of my least relaxing weekends on record, I felt myself pre-justifying letting myself off the hook for today because of how stressful and task-filled my weekend was. I realized it was part of the string of things that have kept me unhappy. Then I listened to Geneen Roth tell me that justifications don't come from our adult brains, they come from a child-like part of us who didn't get their needs met. I identified with that. She also said that you have to be able to tolerate some discomfort in order to get to the place where the vision pulls you in.
It made me realize that I've been letting that child's voice become my voice of reason, expecting life to always be comfortable OR ELSE.
I feel reinvigorated in my path. I'm thinking forward to healthier ways of eating, more plants, less sugars. I'm have continued to exercise but now I am going to use my workouts for more than just allowing me a few extra calories in the day. I will add strength training and stretching more consistently so I can combat all the pains and misalignment that are causing damage in me.
When I started working on this goal I knew I would need all the tools at my disposal but when push came to shove I fell back on old habits. I am lucky that the scale only showed a 1 pound gain. The scale doesn't own me but it helps me see where I need to go. I'm ready to get my head back in the game and move forward. Less than 2 weeks until my next weigh in; bring it on!
So many reasons to justify just letting things fly. None of them make sense on paper, but in the heat of the mom5ent, it all feels logical and justified.
None of it makes me feel particularly good though, and it leaves this nagging feeling that on a very real, logical plane, I'm dishonoring what I really want because I'm letting my emotions (life) get the better of me.
It just so happened that my favorite mindful eating author, Geneen Roth, posted an offer on Facebook for a free audio session
Not only was it just what I needed to get my mind back in a good place, but it also made me think deeply about what needs I feel are unmet. When I started to let my focus on the goal go, I was definitely under the influence of hormones and justified it. But as recently as last night, I realized I was justifying for so many more reasons. Driving in unknown area at night on the way home from a church board meeting, dodging deer left and right, after a weekend that has been one of my least relaxing weekends on record, I felt myself pre-justifying letting myself off the hook for today because of how stressful and task-filled my weekend was. I realized it was part of the string of things that have kept me unhappy. Then I listened to Geneen Roth tell me that justifications don't come from our adult brains, they come from a child-like part of us who didn't get their needs met. I identified with that. She also said that you have to be able to tolerate some discomfort in order to get to the place where the vision pulls you in.
It made me realize that I've been letting that child's voice become my voice of reason, expecting life to always be comfortable OR ELSE.
I feel reinvigorated in my path. I'm thinking forward to healthier ways of eating, more plants, less sugars. I'm have continued to exercise but now I am going to use my workouts for more than just allowing me a few extra calories in the day. I will add strength training and stretching more consistently so I can combat all the pains and misalignment that are causing damage in me.
When I started working on this goal I knew I would need all the tools at my disposal but when push came to shove I fell back on old habits. I am lucky that the scale only showed a 1 pound gain. The scale doesn't own me but it helps me see where I need to go. I'm ready to get my head back in the game and move forward. Less than 2 weeks until my next weigh in; bring it on!
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