My most major news is this:
The other new thing in my life is a book I bought a few weeks ago and am just diving into:
Anyway, before this turns into more of a journal entry than it already is, I feel like I've been digging in the dirt looking for my lost jar of pennies for a long time now, and I've finally found the right spot to dig. I am so happy this book is helping to explain my childhood to me, I have been doubting myself for so long, thinking I was just looking at my childhood through crap-colored glasses, and while I do truly have some happy memories from childhood, I think the bad stuff had way more affect on me, and now I finally have a way to start healing those scars. Letting go of that stuff, healing the deep past, will help me be more emotionally-balanced in my current life, and I won't feel the need to turn to food when I'm not hungry. Before I started reading this book on Saturday, I bought a bunch of "clean" low-carb groceries to "start over" and this morning once I got my son on the bus I practically ran into the local grocery store and loaded up on junk food. Besides just being hungry from delaying my breakfast, it felt like my brain was rebelling against the idea of restricting myself again. It's a sign that I need to be ready mentally, and better equipped to take on those feelings like I am missing out on something or not getting enough of something else. I know those truly don't have anything to do with food, deep down, but trying to throw it all out there on a whim is like trying to change a tire with no tools. And, in the long run, equally successful. My obese body is true testament to that.
Now that I have some more free time I want to start journaling on my private blog and reflecting on it here. It really helps. Writing has been the best way to sort through and deal with my feelings, I just don't always have the time or opportunity, but I am going to start using it as a tool and see if that alone lessens my desire for comfort food. I feel like I can finally sink my teeth into this. I am feeling calm and happy and ready to dig deeper.