Begrudgingly, Yay!

So here on Day one of the millionth 'refire' of a diet, it is 3pm and I've already doubted that this is the right time to start restricting.  That is a knee-jerk reaction to not wanting to have to be accountable.  It is also in response to my head feeling like a Mac truck is sitting in my eyebrows (massive sinus headache) and pouring rain which is set to turn to freezing rain (read, the roads will be a death trap) and the news I got from the dentist today...well lets just say all I want to do is bury myself in a tub of ice cream and sleep for days. 
The tooth I have spent a year, gone to 4 different dental professionals for and have spent piles of money on, is a mess.  It started as a simple crack.  It didn't hurt, but I knew I should have it looked at.  Root canal, crown lengthening, and back to my regular dentist to try to crown it, but some tissue is in the way, so she sent me to this doc today who was going to laser the tissue, implant a post and lay a crown on it.  The short news?  He thinks the tooth is cracked below the surface, if it is, he will have no choice but to pull it.  If it's not, it will cost me $2,500 more and it is only expected to last 5-7 years at best, then I'll have to have it pulled.  Had I been told all of that a year ago I would have had it pulled a year ago.  I was a ball of emotion and steam by the time I left, then I had to go out in cold, blowing rain, my hair a mess and come in to work the late shift.  I'm so mad I could spit nails!  I feel like I was duped into making bad or uninformed choices.  And if they would have told me that fixing the tooth could cost upwards of $5,000 and only last 5-7years I never would have even considered trying to save it.  It is waaaaay in the back.  So here I am feeling sorry for myself and thinking about just putting off my diet until next week.  But I know that next week I'll still have stress, it'll just be different.  And, after weighing in at 199.6 this morning, who knows how many more pounds I'll pile on in the meantime?  And, giving in and eating garbage is like admitting that I don't know how to handle what I'm going through.  I will get through it, it just sucks right now.  At least, if I'm eating decent, it is one last thing I have to feel bad about.  It isn't good that I am wavering this early on, but for today, for this moment of stress, I am going to choose not to cave to food.  It will not solve my problem. 
Here's to not allowing myself to react by habit!


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