Not Ready for Mountaintops. Yet.

I had one of those moments yesterday; the type where everything sort of comes together and makes sense.  I love those moments but they are also some of the most terrifying because the next question is, "Now what?"
My bloodwork results are in.  I was most worried about my blood sugars and cholesterol.  My blood sugars actually looked one point better than last year (though still at the high end of normal) and my cholesterol looked worse than last year.  I also was just under a number that tests kidney function, I mean, one measely number lower than standard range, so in my mind I don't think it's a big deal.  The number that was the most telling was my thyroid.  Normal range (at least at my clinic) is 0.358-3.740 and my reading was 3.999 which means my thyroid is underactive.  So much makes sense, the extreme exhaustion, brain/ memory issues, dry skin galore,  dizziness, and weight gain. Of course, much of that is warranted, but for good stretches I was eating relatively clean and didn't really feel like there was much change in how I looked or felt.  Anyway, I was tested for this in 2015 and it was on the high end but still in the normal range so it was dismissed.  I was really annoyed when I got the test results on Monday with no message from my Nurse Practicioner about the results, so I sent a message telling her I could see my thyroid is not in the normal range and that I hope to be treated due to the exhaustion and Raynaud's.  I am going to try to ignore it for now, there will be an answer of some sort and then I'll move forward in whatever direction is required.  Oh!  The dream of someday not feeling like a walking zombie is something magnificent!  I know the therapy isn't always effective, but I have to try something. 
I reacted emotionally to the news yesterday morning, which I will admit, though relieving to have an answer, and one that is not life-threatening, I know it will be a challenging road ahead with multiple Dr. visits and bloodwork etc.  I decided that a bag of gummy bears would help me cope with my emotions.  I did this mindfully, even though I knew they wouldn't solve any of my problems.  As expected, they made me feel bloated and phlemy and made my teeth feel fuzzy.  Why do I eat these things?  Gelatenous clumps of syrupy trash.  I got home from work around 7pm and was snooping through my fridge for something that takes little effort to make, since I was so sapped of energy and didn't even get a lunch break at work.  While I was rummaging (foraging?) I saw the organic veggies I bought for my intended dinners of Quinoa with meatless crumbles and veggies.  I decided that would taste better than anything we had that was easy to make, so I threw it together.  It had yellow and red bell peppers, zucchini, green onions, tomatoes and Quorn beefless crumbles, I seasoned it with some southwestern style seasoning and extra cumin because it is one of my favorite spices, and topped it with shredded cheese and sour cream.  It was so satisfying!  While my dinner was cooking I took the time to make lunch for today, which is a "chopped salad" with greens, tomatoes, meatless crumbles, rainbow corn, green onions and of course, some sour cream, cheese and taco sauce.  I noticed, while I was cooking, that I felt pretty good, like I caught a second wind, and I knew if I had just eaten a hot pocket or something, I would been near sleep in a chair despite it being before 8pm.  So it was a win-win situation.  The only downside was that I didn't have any leftovers for the rest of the week.  That will just force me to get a little creative and cook some more things this week. 
So that's where I'm at right now, hopeful to get started on a treatment plan for my thyroid.  I know once you start medications it is assumed it will be a lifelong thing.  I'm OK with that because how I feel right now kind of stinks!  I was thinking about joining a work wellness challenge to lose a little weight but I thought to myself, I don't have the energy to even consider something like that.  And maybe that is how the past couple years have felt in general; I'm too exhausted to expend energy on trying to lose weight.  I don't expect thyroid medicine to make miraculous changes in my weight, but at least it won't feel like such a battle maybe.  And just having energy to try would be simply magnificent!  Sometimes, even though the mountaintop is the goal, the view can still be pretty stellar along the way!


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