Raining

That lovely saying, “When it rains, it pours” is overshadowing my life right now. Not to say everything is bad but it surely has been a more challenging month than most. Near the end of September one of my coworkers gave her notice. She was someone with a lot of experience and knowledge so it felt like a big loss. Then a week later, my favorite boss I’ve ever worked for was fired (for idiotic reasons, really, but his boss is a heartless witch). My bestie had a seizure and is now being checked for health conditions. I got tested for COVID last weekend (it was negative, thankfully) ,and then last week another optician got fired. We are so short-staffed now an morale is at an all-time low. As unhappy as I was at work before all of this, those feelings of dreading coming to work have increased one hundred-fold. I believe I am developing and ulcer from it as every single day I get this horrible, unrelenting heartburn. I have been really unmotivated to study, despite feeling an increasing urge to leave this department. I am going to challenge myself to take this 5+ hour certification exam before the end of the year and really I am nowhere near ready. I’m only halfway through the text, so I am going to change my studying strategy in order to fast-track it. I have to try. If I wait until next year, I will have to buy all the coding manuals again ($250+) and more than the cost of it, I will have to pour hours and hours into highlighting and marking up parts of the gigantic manuals. So that’s my goal and I sure wish I were more motivated to crush it. I do have a few days off next week so I am going to use that time wisely to propel myself ahead. Despite feeling like I was having a bout of depression last week, this week I am able to look to the future and dream again. I am dreaming of the time when we have our own house and I have my own little office with a window, dinner in the crock pot, sneaking a peek at the birds outside from time to time, no managers looking over my shoulder all day long, no dress code, no commute, more time in my day to get things done that I need to. And, for the first time in a while, I am thinking about finding ways to make my eating cleaner. In my head I can see making a really good/big effort January first. I know I could get a jump on it now, but with me preparing for this test, putting energy into food planning seems like something that won’t stick. I do have positive thoughts about it when I think of it though. One of the things I want to do before then is make a list of all the things I do like a lot, and don’t tire of too quickly or have texture issues with. I feel like my sensitivity to taste and textures is getting stronger as I age. Having a list of things I do really like will be a valuable tool as I try to figure out menus. I will start physical therapy for my Achilles tendonitis on Monday and I am looking forward to it and hope it helps. I really don’t know what to expect. I know there will be a fair amount of stretches and maybe that will encourage me to get back into yoga. I do miss the feeling of the blood getting to areas it normally doesn’t. I keep thinking that once I get past this hurdle of getting certified I will put more focus and energy on myself, healing in all different manners. But then I will be starting a new job which will be stressful, not to mention a lot more sedentary compared to the one I have now. Assuming, of course, that I will get a job right away after certification, which is a big unknown. I do know my coding manager at the clinic I work at is very interested to know when I am certified and will try to find a spot for me if she can, but I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a guarantee of a position. My fingers are crossed. I am thinking most of the healing I need is in my gut. I do think plant-based is going to be the way that ultimately makes me feel the best. I love dairy- especially cheese and sour cream- but I know the lactose (sugars) can cause inflammation and sinus issues, both of which I have, and I am noticing with the heartburn that sugars are a big trigger of it for me. So I may try a plant-based thing again when I clean things up. When I did that in August I lost about 8 pounds. Not saying that would be a consistent loss, but I do think it’s a healthy way to eat and could lower my chance of disease. So much to do and plan and think about and I feel like time is moving faster than ever! I believe I will catch my breath at some point. If I do get a job after certification I plan to take a couple weeks to myself before diving in. Halloween is my favorite holiday and I am so happy it is just around the corner. I don’t really do much anymore because my kids are teens, but I still love the spooky feel, like an electricity in the air, I love the orange and purple decorations and the slowing down as the season changes. I’m not even worried about snow right now. Maybe I’m over the whole drama of being worried, maybe I can feel fine about it because it’s not yet snowing. Whatever the case, I think my adrenal system is tired and I’m going to try to be calm and relaxed for a bit. Mind over matter, right?