Chips for the Win?

When I took on this new career in August, I was fully prepared to feel like a total idiot learning something new and there have been many times that I have felt that way, despite all my coworkers being caught saying absolutely wonderful things about me behind my back. I can say that I have never worked on a more supportive and welcoming team. I really got lucky. Not that I don't make mistakes, I am in a field where there are rules upon rules and each insurance company likes to make up their own and change them frequently, so there are bound to be mistakes. I am always so ashamed when I make mistakes and I know that triggers guilt and then my emotions get out of whack really easy. All that being said, I had my annual review today and my boss is so sweet and fair and he really gave me a ton of praise for how quickly I learned a pretty complex job. I have always struggled with receiving praise gracefully. It makes me uncomfortable. It's the same feeling when someone gives me a gift. It makes me squirm and I can't wait to move on from that moment. As you might have guessed, my parents were not great at giving praise and it happened so seldom that it felt forced/fake when it did make an appearance. So here I am almost 50 and I have to force myself to be less awkward when receiving praise. There was not one negative thing mentioned in my review, my boss even asked if I felt there were any obstacles or needs that he can help with in order to be more comfortable. I mean it when I say I have a very good work situation. And I got a raise after having gotten one shortly after taking the position. When I got done with work today, I was overcome by sweets craving. It's a time of the month when my resolve is typically iron-clad and cravings are low, so things didn't add up. Then I recalled what I ate for the day. For breakfast I am eating Ezekiel bread because I am having a hard time finding my keto bread right now. I had already bought a big bag of frozen strawberries for my PB and strawberries sandwich that I am loving for breakfast. So I settled. Keto bread ends up being 1 net carbs per slice, Ezekiel is 11 net carbs per slice. That is still better than the 22 grams that wheat bread has. Anyway, I have been using 2 slices but may do an open face the rest of the week to cut down on the carbs. I have been procrastinating cutting my celery and its so dumb because it doesn't take long I am just lazy. I have a bit of a celery prejudice but when I eat it I do actually like it. So because I didn't prep my celery I decided to have tortilla chips with melted cheese. As I was doing it I wondered what the heck I did that for, but I was working and just focused on the task. For lunch I had chicken with mayo. Here is another instance where I would have used keto bread but since I don't have any I used a bagel because it sounded good. Yes, there are plenty of good keto bread recipes out there. I would have made a loaf or two but I am astounded at the price of almond flour and I honestly was short on time this past weekend. At any rate, not only did I not care that I was consuming a ton of carbs, when I got done with work and was craving sweets like crazy, I was honestly thinking about getting a bag of candy and hiding it so I could snack on it during the week and not have to share. Talk about a step backwards. I did go to the grocery store because we were low on water. I can tell you, tonight took all my willpower not to get candy. I even went down the candy aisle and looked the Snickers right in the eye. Then I decided it's not worth being stuck on the blood sugar roller-coaster and grabbed a bottle of Sparkling Ice black raspberry carbonated drink. It is sugar-free and tastes amazing. When I got done at the store I decided to eat a can of chicken noodle soup and has some tortilla chips on the side. Ugh, that was a lot of salt. I felt pretty down about the poor choices I made throughout the day but I realize a few reasons why it happened. First and probably most importantly, I was not prepared. If I had cut up the darn celery I likely would have eaten it instead of chips. The same is true of dinner. Last week I had chicken breast with mushrooms planned, but the chicken started inching close to the expiration date so I stuck in on the freezer and ate turkey sandwiches for dinner instead. I vowed to eat that chicken this week but now that it's frozen it takes so much longer to cook. Which wouldn't be a problem if I were eating my afternoon snack but I continually skip it and then I'm starving by dinner and then it's so easy to make bad decisions. And the lightbulb went on when I questioned what I was looking to accomplish with the food: I was uncomfortable about the review. The build-up, the listening to my boss make judgment on my performance, taking praise and trying not to act awkward when I 100% felt awkward... I need to work on this I guess. It seems not normal to be so uncomfortable with a very positive review. Even when I knew my boss well it was still uncomfortable to be reviewed. Today was a learning experience. I could beat myself up for letting the plan slide, but if that wouldn't have happened today I wouldn't have made this discovery about my behavior and I wouldn't have taken time to realize some things that aren't going smoothly. So even though today didn't go how I planned with my diet, it was still a good day.