Continuum

Last week was my third week of being in the zone. I started to feel positive changes and see them in the mirror. I was in a strong place mentally, able to abstain from junk food despite PMS. I looked like I had this "in the bag". Then Friday night my husband and I went to dinner at one our local bar and grills. The other times I was going there I was allowing cheat meals on the weekends so I didn't think about them not having a good option for me. But that's what I encountered. No salad, no chicken sandwiches or wraps, all just breaded fish, burgers, pizza, nachos. I was really disappointed and my husband looks at me as if I'm being obsessive and says, "You'll be fine, I'm sure your body could use that [extra calories? carbs?]" This from the man who used to be a body builder and still lifts 4 days a week without fail. His body can use carbs, mine just stores it as fat and makes me crave more. Now, I did have options. It would be perfectly fine to order a burger and not put ketchup on, not eat the bun and not eat the fries that came with it. I made the choice not to do that. I knew I was in ketosis and just didn't want to make a big deal about it so I ate the burger with the bun and ketchup and about half the fries. The food wasn't very good and I used to rave about their burgers but maybe since I've been eating better my tastebuds have changed. I got over it. I knew that it's not about one meal but changing behaviors overall. Boy! Those carbs made me feel so sluggish and foggy. Saturday evening we were invited to a surprise birthday dinner for one of my husband's former coworkers and I begrudgingly agreed. It was in the city so the an hour drive. I was so wiped out with PMS exhaustion all morning and it was warming up outside and all I wanted to do was sit on the patio and read. My husband proposed that we leave for the city early and grab lunch on the way then do a few errands or visit some of our favorite parks. I agreed but it felt bad leaving our sons home basically all day and evening. They are old enough to be home (17 and 18) but they both have some anxiety so whenever we're away from them for longer than an hour or two I am constantly checking my phone. Still, we headed out. We stopped at a cute place that was new to us for lunch. I was so overhungry that despite there being a salad option I threw it all away and had a chicken wrap with fries. I ate the whole wrap and about half the fries again and I was so full and just felt weighed down. We did a few things in smaller towns then headed into the city. It was so hot and sunny that we decided to see the new Top Gun movie. It was awesome. We got to the restaurant about 6 hours after our lunch so we were pretty primed to eat. The place we went is one of those high end steakhouses where you can grill your own steak. In anticipation for this, I had planned to eat salad and steak, perfectly keto-friendly. What happened, in reality, was I ate a piece of Texas toast practically dripping in butter, and also a baked potato ans of course a salad and a teriyaki marinated filet mignon that I grilled myself. And a piece of birthday cake. It was good. All the while I told myself "I'll get back on track tomorrow." That ended up being a 10 hour day away from home and I was exhausted. I felt a little remorse about letting my guard down so easily when I was doing so good. Today I was happy that I didn’t have any issue getting back on track. I found myself focusing on it as if I'd "blown it" because I kicked myself out of ketosis. I had to remind myself, it's not about one meal, one day or one weekend but changes are cumulative. I don't lose what I started, I just have to choose better most of the time so that making healthy choices is the norm. It's important that I see this as a continuum and not as a start and stop; only one viewpoint allows for getting right back to good choices after the unproductive eating. Overall, this weekend was a great exercise in letting go a little but then getting right back on track.