Going Through it

I had my annual physical exam yesterday and boy did it add to an already tough week for me last week. Part of my stress was in trying to plan a girl's weekend with my bestie and some mutual friends. We had a hard time planning a trip last year and this year we agreed on the event and the date really easy but my bestie started getting upset because the trip was foe September and she wanted us all to book right away before she ran out of money. Not everyone was ready to pay now and long story short, tempers flared and now no one is talking to my friend because of the hurtful things she said. We have been friends for more than 30 years but I really think that all the things that kept me coming back to spend time was the good memories we have shares in our younger years. She has let her health deteriorate greatly and she's so unhappy all she does is cry and complainabout how bad her life is, it really honestly has felt less like a friendship and more like I'm somehow her therapist. I don't think I'm good at handling it because I can be brutally honest. Anyway, some time away will help me decide if it even serves me anymore. I don't enjoy my time with her, it depresses me. That was a huge stress for sure. I was relieved when we all sort of decided we weren't going to go. In preparation for my physical exam I really tried to keep things pretty clean last week and weekend. I was doing pretty good but all my water flavoring tricks didn't work and it was actually really irritating me how bad I wanted to add sweetener to my water. I held off most of the week. My argument with my friend was still in full swing on Thursday and I wanted to stress eat so bad and I have to believe if I didn't have blood labs to have drawn on Monday I might have. To make matters worse, my husband came home with a huge pepperoni pizza from a local restaurant. It was thick crust and melty-staring me in the eye and daring me to have some. I haven't been this tortured by food in a while. Which is a little odd because up until last recently, my husband used to stop at the convenience store on our way to get groceries every weekend and he'd get a big slice of hot pizza and an energy drink. Even though it smelled good, it never bothered me or made me crave it. I think part of my success with staying mostly on track is that I really don't consider anything "off limits" I eat what I want when I feel like it but don't consider myself "off my diet" or "taking a break", I truly look at it as one meal or one weekend in a lifetime of eating mostly keto, most of the time. But I was telling myself "I CAN'T have pizza, I have to have blood drawn soon." The CAN'T was deprivation for me and it really triggered me. Friday I had steak and a salad. Saturdays we now have a new habit of going to Jimmy John's before grocery shopping and I love that they have their "unwich" which is a sub that's wrapped in crisp lettuce instead of bun. So so good and perfectly keto. Saturday night I cooked burgers and we ate them on keto buns. We had chips and guacamole. The family had tortilla chips and I had less than a serving of "Off the Eaten Path" chips, which are not keto-friendly but not as bad as regular chips. I also decided by Friday afternoon that I was having my liquid stevia in my water because my weight was dropping just fine and I felt like the stress was enough without being frustrated by my water. I chewed gum liberally too. It really helped me not binge on junk to allow these things. By the time I weighed in on the doctor's scale it was 173.2 which is as low as I have gotten so far on keto. My scale still showed 174 but close enough. I was a little disappointed by my physical, if you could call it that. This was my first time seeingthis doctor due to our move. She made some small talk and barely asked any questions. She did ask if I had any concerns and I suddenly felt like any issues I have were insignificant. She wasn't cold or mean, she just didn't even mention my 30+ pound weightloss or ask what my diet is like or whether I stand up at my desk or whether I wanted my next COVID vaccination now that I'm 50. The nurse who roomed me did ask how I lost the weight and I was happy to share. Anyway, I had to plan my fasting out for the visit because my appointment was at 11 A.M. with blood drawn after, and I know you shouldn't fast mire than 12 hours for labs because it can mess with the results. So I ate a few scoops of unsweetened yogurt at midnight. My cycle is nearly 2 weeks late so I have only been doing 13 hour fasts to support progesterone but at this point I might not get one this month. The difference between the planned/intentional fast is that I finish eating a protein and fat-rich dinner by 4 PM and wait until the next morning to eat. That night at midnight I literally had the equivalent of 3 tablespoons of 2% yogurt. I was starving in the morning and really focused on how bad I wanted food and caffeine. I could have had black coffee but my husband drank the last of it (I only lije coffee cold) and I didn't want to make my blood pressure high. I had the worst headache either from sinuses or lack of caffeine, and it followed me all day. I was ruminating about food and Diet Coke and that was my plan, to drive straight to the nearest convenience store to get a slice of pizza and a drink. That's exactly what I did. It's like I felt I was owed for not being able to indulge earlier. The pizza was not great and not worth the splurge, but as far as food goes, that was all I needed to get back on track. My cholesterol labs were so good! my total cholesterol is now in a normal range, my good cholesterol over the normal high (that's desirable) and my bad cholesterol is almost normal (it was pretty high before) and my triglycerides went from the 130's down to 62! At one point in my life my triglycerides were over 600!!! Low carb diets have been the one thing I have found that really improves my cholesterol. I was disappointed that my blood glucose was 99, the highest number in the "normal" range, where it's been the past 5 years or so. I really would have hoped this number would be lower but I also didn't work out last week which can lower glucose. It's not the end of the world but I hope I can get that number lower next year. There's also a just-over-normal number in another lab that is a ratio that indicates a possible kidney issue. This has been elevated for a couple years and the doctors never say anything about it but it does bother me. But overall, I'm super happy about my cholesterol! keto works! I need to get back in the habit of working out now that my challenge is done. Here it is almost June and I have only just begun to learn one new Zumba dance and haven't even tried push ups in a few weeks and that wasn't pretty. I think my lack of longer fasts is messing with my head so I might just rejoin my schedule as if my cycle did start on the day it was due. The unpredictability of perimenopause can be frustrating! So I have spent a lot of time in my head last week and it wasn't great but I'm ready to push that aside and do what needs to get done. The only way out is through!