My Mind's Mysteries
Some people equate their weight loss journey to climbing a mountain, but never reaching the top. The yo-yoing back and forth is like climbing the same ten feet of a mountain and never get past that spot. For me, I feel like I'm in a narrow hallway and I'm bouncing off walls. One wall is discipline, healthy eating, working out. When I'm on that wall, I feel good, I'm proud of myself for doing "the right thing". But after a little while I get bored of feeling like I HAVE to stay on that wall so I force myself off and I hurl at the opposite wall with reckless abandon thinking, I will eat when and what I want and I make plans to get on the other wall again someday and I keep eating and sleeping and then I get to a point where it is harder to do simple tasks without breathing heavier and I panic or get disgusted by how I look and I hurl myself at the other wall. I am bouncing off the walls and my mind feels as crazy as the mental image that conjurs up. I am never just walking the hallway in control, food always has the power over me, it wait her makes me feel better than everyone else or worse than everyone else.
I focused on that tonight for my meditation, and asked why I am always bouncing between such extremes. My usual guides were all mumbling over one another but the face of a wise sage came to me and answered that I could not find balance because I did not have stability when I was young. Before I could ask more, the sage told me that it is up to me to make my own stability, to open up the middle path as an option to myself, and find my own way to steady my foundation. I was a little puzzled, I thought that is what I was doing by all this meditation work. I am still very new to all this, but I take everything I can from it because I know I won't have peace until I figure some things out. And, figuring things out is kind of fun.
Here's to unlocking the mysteries of your own mind!