My Mind's Mysteries
Some people equate their weight loss journey to climbing a mountain, but never reaching the top. The yo-yoing back and forth is like climbing the same ten feet of a mountain and never get past that spot. For me, I feel like I'm in a narrow hallway and I'm bouncing off walls. One wall is discipline, healthy eating, working out. When I'm on that wall, I feel good, I'm proud of myself for doing "the right thing". But after a little while I get bored of feeling like I HAVE to stay on that wall so I force myself off and I hurl at the opposite wall with reckless abandon thinking, I will eat when and what I want and I make plans to get on the other wall again someday and I keep eating and sleeping and then I get to a point where it is harder to do simple tasks without breathing heavier and I panic or get disgusted by how I look and I hurl myself at the other wall. I am bouncing off the walls and my mind feels as crazy as the mental image that conjurs up. I am never just walking the hallway in control, food always has the power over me, it wait her makes me feel better than everyone else or worse than everyone else.
I focused on that tonight for my meditation, and asked why I am always bouncing between such extremes. My usual guides were all mumbling over one another but the face of a wise sage came to me and answered that I could not find balance because I did not have stability when I was young. Before I could ask more, the sage told me that it is up to me to make my own stability, to open up the middle path as an option to myself, and find my own way to steady my foundation. I was a little puzzled, I thought that is what I was doing by all this meditation work. I am still very new to all this, but I take everything I can from it because I know I won't have peace until I figure some things out. And, figuring things out is kind of fun.
Here's to unlocking the mysteries of your own mind!
Re: your comment on Trapped In Obesity (wake up and smell the "Americano," btw...the woman blogs for attention and support for her fat; she has no intention whatsoever of changing her lifestyle and losing weight/gaining health, EVER) -- don't lump everyone in the world in with her, yourself, etc. and proselytize the lie that "no one can stick to a diet" -- there are plenty of us who have lost and kept off significant amount of weight for the long term (80 pounds in 8 months at age 39 for me; have maintained within a five pound window; i.e. my goal weight +/- 2.5 lbs, for nearly 10 years now...5'3", 140 pounds just FYI) and HOW DID I DO THIS? By the magic of making rules for myself that I don't eat junk, I know my trigger foods/situations and I avoid them, my health and sanity is #1, I exercise every day and I expect the best from myself. Food is fuel, my body is a miraculous machine, I am stronger than my stupid cravings, and what I eat is ALWAYS my choice and my responsibility. This "we can't help it; it's not our fault we're fat" line is absolute bullshit.
ReplyDeleteAwe, my first troll!
DeleteLosing weight doesn't make you a better person. Not sure you can discipline an ugly personality out of yourself but that might be a better use of time than trolling other people's weight blogs to try and get yourself some attention.
Bouncing off walls in the hall. This! Exactly. I have the bruises to prove it. ;-) That is a metaphor that really works for me. I can see that they way out is to walk the middle....even if more on the healthy, life affirming side. Let's stay closer to that side...
ReplyDeleteThat would be ideal. I think we women tend to over complicate things though which leads to self-doubt. We'll find our way despite!
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