Monday, December 1, 2014

Intensions

Monday is supposed to be the day I get to go in late to work, typically I go in anywhere from 10-noon because I get done late.  So, in considering getting up early for a workout, I usually pass, assuming I'll have time once the kids are on the bus. But the last two Mondays it hasn't worked out for me.  Last week I got called into work, and today my son had a sick tummy and I kept him home.  I didn't want to leave him when he wasn't feeling good (we have a cardio room right across the parking lot) and once he fell asleep I didn't want to wake him, so I got one of my final exam essay papers done.  It was a great use of time, even though I wanted to be doing fun stuff instead.  
I was able to meditate for a short period tonight.  At first I saw the most adorable image of a baby elephant who'd accidentally flipped on its back, but it wasn't sad or scared, it was actually joyful.  It is joyful to be different I thought, but maybe a more fitting sentiment is that it was happy with who it was and the position it was in.  
I didn't want to get stuck in that one image, it showed up to tell me something and I took the point and turned my attention to my guides.  When I dropped in on them, they were all just waiting around, waiting for me to ask a question I guess.  So I asked.  Why do I want to eat foods that damage my body?  They all tried to speak at once, and I heard a stew of sounds and then the big guy broke through the noise and said (in a sad-but-fed-up manner) "Because you don't see your own worth.  You think you don't matter."  And unlike my conscious mind, that would have denied that comment, my subconscious question back was how do I know my own worth?and the answer once again was "give yourself to others, and you will know your worth.  
I know it is face value and hidden value, I have been wanting to volunteer at my local Cerebral Palsy center, and do some charity work that I could involve my kids in.  But I let things get in my way.  And we all know what they say about good intentions.  So maybe this is a message about intentions, and how they don't turn into actions on their own.  I caught the message, it was hidden in a bunch of other stuff, but I caught it.  

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