Thursday, September 29, 2016

Doing Good

This morning when I woke up, I looked in the mirror and noticed the familiar "on track" signal or progress, my collarbone is much more noticable.  I allowed myself a few moments to really look in the mirror at my face, my arms; I am noticing changes, even though I know at this point it is just water weight going away.  I have decided not to let myself get hung-up in typical diet stuff like weighing myself or taking measurements, it really has such little meaning in the bigger picture.  I want to be healthier.  I am not denying that I also want to look better, but I have been doing a lot more work on my ideas about this, how our society puts so much emphasis on outter appearance and how I know who I am without someone else's approval.  I would never be rude to someone who complimented my looks but I don't let people bug me if they give a disapproving look either.  The other day there was an older lady in the waiting room of the doctor's office where I work.  As I crossed the waiting room to get to my office, she looked me up and down and gave me a disapproving look.  Now, I had a cute maxi skirt on with strappy sandals and since I was just coming in for the day, I had a long sweater jacket on top.  In my opinion, I looked nice.  When I saw her all but grimacing at me, I smiled at her and said, "Good morning!"  She knew she was busted for looking at me that way, and softened her face to at least give a little fake, half-smile.  I walked away trying to stiffle a chuckle.  Oh, to be so ignorant of what you are focusing on when the next department over someone is getting the diagnosis that will change their life.  Its just one more way we live on autopilot that is so unneccessary.  Sigh. 
Today is going well as far as my food change goes.  I generally like all of the foods I am eating (I'll spare you the details) which makes it esay to keep eating them.  I have not had a lot of problems with hunger, but I think my hunger signals are still a little broken.  I am eating roughly every 2.5 to 3.5 hours.  I will eventually focus on putting more produce in my meals, but for now, just getting myself going is a big step.  And, I am not craving sugars, which is a really big deal.
This morning I was thinking about when I want to end the ketogenic phase.  To be fair, I was eating a quinoa/brown rice blend with my tofu and veggies a couple nights so I wasn't completely keto, but definitely lower carb than I typically ever eat.  It is tempting to think of myself ending this low carb part and introducing grains and fruits next week.  Then I realized that it is diet mentality.  I do good with the structure, but only to a point, then when I try to take some of the structure away I end up going a little wild.  I guess I have a tendency to be an all-or-nothing thinker.  So, in order for this to be a lifelong change I have to stop putting it in a pegboard and letting it be natural at some point.  It feels a little frightening and a little exciting.  In the end, I am not going crazy eating this way right now, I actually feel really good-lots of energy and a happy mood.  I'm not going to put a timeframe on making changes.  I do miss fruit, which always happens to me when I go keto, even if I don't typically eat a lot of fruit on a daily basis.  The beauty of not being "on a diet" perse is that I don't have any rules.  I can say with all certainty now, that I feel much better on less carbs, less garbage. 
So that's where I'm at.  Solid and good and happy.  No bike yet today, my muscles were sore today.  I might try to sneak a ride in later tonight. 
Hope everyone in blogland is doing well!  Friday's almost here!

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