Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Gliding

So, yeah, teeth stuff, I slacked off again and didn't blog after my dentist appointment, but it actually happened.  Oh there were a couple points that I didn't think it was going to, not because of my own anxiety but because of people not being where they were supposed to be (to cover me at work) and then once I got there, my blood pressure was higher than it's ever been and I thought they were going to cancel my appointment.  I'm talking like 162/105 high.  WTH????  And they took it 3 times.  Of course, after the first time, I was so freaked out about my numbers being that high that I couldn't settle down.  They explained that the wrist versions always read a little higher but I'm normally in the 135/80 ish range so I was worried.  I tried to relax by reminding myself that I don't have clogged arteries but there was that little thing in the back of my mind the whole time. I told them my biggest anxiety was about the pain, still they jabbed and prodded around like clumbsy burlars on the first raid.  They were a little  messy too.  It is a new office so I just brushed it off as them trying to find their groove.  They agreed to examine me and do a cleaning despite the high blood pressure reading.  I think for me, things poking into my gums (and the thought of it) bothers me more than them telling me that I need to have 6 cavities filled, 2 of which will need either crowns or root canals.  One of them is my farthest back tooth and the tooth is positioned super close to my jaw bone, so they think I may either need to go to a specialist to take out some of my jawbone so a crown won't interfere, or just have the tooth pulled.  Ummm, is there a plan C??!  Yikes.  I know one thing for sure, I won't let this sort of thing happen again if I can help it.  It's not like I planned to go 12 years between visits, it just hasn't been a financial priority.  Between my husband and I, even with decent insurance, we will be paying around $2,500.  We haven't even started with our kids!  This is why people like me don't go to the dentist unless there's a problem.  Thank goodness tax returns will be coming soon!
All of my lofty goals of meal planning fell flat on their face this week.  Friday was an overly stressful day at work, including a theft from a drugged-out guy with a warrant out for his arrest, and here I am trying to help customers and give a statement and it was really busy besides.  After I got home I decided to have a glass of Polish cherry wine on the rocks.  I did look for recipes, low-carb vegetarian recipes.  They are starting to all look the same to me, black bean salad, egg fritatta, egg this, bean that, and an occassional tofu dish thrown in for good measure.  I'm sick of food.  Can I just go off eating altogether?  So I am having egg white patties on a sesame bagel for breakfast and BLT salad for lunch.  Blah.  By the time I got to the grocery store, I completely forgot that I wasn't having veggie burgers for dinner this week and forgot to get anything.  So I am getting creative, which sometimes means a second bagel with cream cheese or extra yogurt cups. Yawn yawn yawn!  Where is the flavor?  I actually ended up craving cucumbers pretty hardcore over the weekend but was too lazy to run out and get some, but I took it as a sign that my body wants more produce.  Not getting much of it this week.  I guess the take away is that I haven't made the food the priority and my body has been dragging.  I feel like there is a connection. 
I did have my eye exam done last week too.  It was a very strange experience with the oldest eye doctor I've ever met.  And being in the field, that says a lot!  But I go where my insurance covers, and unfortunately that is not my own workplace.  I was suspecting I need a stronger bifocal and I do, my eyes strain when looking at stuff close up for too long, and it's bad enough that it has started giving me headaches.  Ah, the beautiful aging process!  I think some of my tired feeling may have something to do with the eye strain so I ordered a new pair of glasses. Fortunately, being in the field, I get a handsome discount on glasses for myself!  I do not take that for granted.
Somehow this morning my alarm (iPhone) didn't go off but luckily my husband woke me up.  Right before I woke I was having the most lucid dream, I was going for a walk and the weather was really nice, and I was feeling so good that I started running.  My body was gliding and my heart felt really warm and good.  At one point I came across an empty pool and decided to glide across.  Every part of the dream felt euphoric and good and easy, and in every part of the dream I was exercising.  Maybe that's my brain's way of telling me it needs me to do more than look at geneology stuff in my free time.  Other than taking the dog out for a walk last weekend, February has been a bust where exercise is concerned.  I don't have that light, airy feeling I once had when I was focusing more on both. I miss it.  I'm not eating crap but I am really uninspired by what I am eating and it doesn't really do much for me nutrient-wise or energy-wise. But at least that is fixable. I don't think I've lost any footing, just focus.  With spring right around the corner, convincing myself to get out and do more will be so much easier.  I think then, I truly will glide. 

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