Cutting the Drama

May 1st already?  How the heck did that happen?!  Wow, time flies.  Maybe it is because spring-like weather got off to a bit of a late start in my area, so these nicer temperatures sort of came in with a bang!  I'm not arguing, I love the 60 and 70 degree days!
My glowing review of my medicine was a little premature.  I do feel better than before I got on the thyroid medicine but there are still days where I feel very drained.  I am trying to allow myself little cat naps when needed (and where appropriate) because if I am going to try and be mindful about my body's needs with food, I should also learn to mind it in other ways as well.  That meant Sunday I took 2 cat naps (15 minutes each) and fell asleep early for the night.  Honestly, I am not the type to deny my need for sleep but sometimes I feel guilty or ashamed because I equate that with being fat and lazy.  But not anymore!  As I told my counselor, "It's the Summer of George!" Errr, Amy, that is.  (Seinfeld reference for those who aren't fans).  That means I am taking what I need, letting my needs be known and fed.  That being said, I do still take on more than I want to, but if I didn't my house and workplace would be in such disorder I would be driven nuts to look at it!  So eventually it has to get done anyway. 
The other thing I am realizing is absolutely necessary for my mental health is to have a more positive attitude.  It is something that drives me nuts about myself, I complain so much. All that negative energy going out of me is such a learned habit that I often don't realize I'm whining until it's already out in the atmosphere, polluting moods and making others join in.  Maybe this was a learned habit; a way to connect with others through shared feelings, but it is counterproductive to me now.  Haven't you been around someone who doesn't contribute to office complaining and gossip and found it to be utterly refreshing and uplifting?  I want to be one of those people!  Also, by complaining, I am telling myself that something is wrong (or in my case, that a lot of things are wrong) and needs to be fixed.  So, for the month of May I am going to focus on the challenge of being aware of when I want to complain about something, and pausing to find a positive thing to say instead.  It sounds easier than it is.  I already complained about my dog not doing his business for me, but I was equally enjoying the beautiful sunrise and warm morning.  Still, already one sticky spot with the dog.  I let that situation get under my skin, but I have to let it go.  He will live and so will we all.  I am hoping, by switching the complaints to positives, my brain will make the connection that everything's fine and good and happy.  Life can be smooth even when outside things seem bumpy upon first inspection.  I know it is all in how I react to things, but complaining is just so second-nature to me that I have to make an effort to be mindful of it.  Just like eating.  I am someone who loves old comfortable routines and habits.  I read in a Geneen Roth book, that when we grow up with drama in our lives, instability or abuse or neglect, we learn to need it in order to feel right or to make sense of our world.  I didn't recognize this in myself until I read that.  My mother's quickly shifting moods had my whole family walking on egg shells all the time.  She could snap at any moment, without warning.  I rebelled a lot when I was younger, maybe I was hoping to get in trouble, get that spanking with the belt or the wooden spoon, get attention; or maybe I was just wanting to get the explosion out of the way so I could feel the calm after.  Not exactly the most healthy of coping skills.  I also learned early on, that one way to connect with my mom, and get positive attention was to complain about the same things she was complaining about.  My mom is the queen of complaining, so if she was complaining about her work situation, I would complain about mine.  I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, but now I see it so clearly.  And the cycle of drama-seeking has been passed down for several generations on her side.  The thing is, I don't think it really makes me feel any better to complain because I am usually complaining about other people, which is something I cannot change.  If I am complaining to my boss about my coworkers, it makes me feel bad that I am calling them out.  And I am a problem-solver by nature, which I know means that I really don't like the drama because I will work something over and over in my mind until I come up with a way to solve it.  So the drama isn't really serving me, so that's one big thing I can challenge myself to change. 
Last weekend my husband and I attended a Shriner's event that was held at an automotive gallery.  The theme was Rockabilly so we got a little dolled up.  This should be a look that I can pull off, but for some reason it was a day when I was so wiped out and feeling like I wanted to be at home.  I tried taking a million selfies but my face looked distorted and strange and my hair didn't turn out the way I wanted and the scarf wouldn't stay in well...sigh.  I just wished I felt more confident that day.  Then I looked at my handsome husband and I felt overwhelmed at how lucky I am that he is mine.  It was a great time for a great organization and it was nice to get away with my husband for a night.


The way I felt about myself in the photos inspired me to add more veggies and fruit to my diet this week, and pull out some of the grains.  I may have gone a little too far too fast, my stomach is not happy with the changes just yet, but I can't figure out what's making me feel bad so I am continuing on.  I have added asparagus, greens, tomatoes, broccoli, plums and apples.  Not all of those in one day but I am trying to get a serving of produce in at most meals.  I will stick with it for now because I hate to see all that stuff go to waste, but I may have to up the yogurt intake or something. 
So my daily goal for May is to keep the amounts of complaints coming out of my mouth to 5 or less per day, working toward making it a rare occurance, and hopefully encouraging a more positive mindset that doesn't require having to stop and think about it so much ahead of time.  It is health related because less stress means less stress-eating and less cortisone.  When 2017 was nearing its end, I had a really positive feeling that 2018 was going to be my year.  The counseling sessions definitely helped, and a new book from Geneen Roth also contributed, and I can't discount fixing my thyroid as a contributing factor, but really I think my mind is just in a better place.  Taking a break from the diet mentality was life changing and very necessary for my mental health.  I can't wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for me!

Comments

  1. The most likely culprit for stomach issues from your list (if it's not just a volume/fiber issue) is the broccoli. If you feel you need to slow it down, you can chop the broccoli and asparagus, blanch them and then freeze them to enjoy later. And can also make sauce or salsa from the tomatoes and freeze those! I hope you adjust quickly. Also, I noticed I am sleeping better with less stress. How about you?

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    1. Great tips! Thanks for the advice. I honestly didn’t know tomatoes could be frozen. I love them and eat them as a snack often so those shouldn’t be problematic. I realized that I went a little crazy with the sugar snap peas the first couple days so I’ll skip a day with those and see how it goes.
      I honestly fall asleep too easily, even when I don’t want to, that’s one of the things that clued me in about my thyroid being sluggish. It’s fantastic that you’re seeing a positive change though! A good night’s sleep can make you feel down right unstoppable!

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  2. Silly perhaps, but begin and end your day with a gratitude journal. Just three things about your life/day in the morning and at night that you are grateful for.... Hokey, but I find myself thinking about what I will write at night during the day - a pretty dogwood, happy cat greeting, an unsolicited hug from my teen .... It's a great way to stay positive.

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    1. I don't think it's silly or hokey at all. It is a great way to end a day, recognizing all the things we are grateful for! Right before I drift off to sleep, I send love and gratitude to my ancestors who have passed, it makes me feel warm like a hug, as if generations of grandparents are there with me. How wonderful that the practice you have developed spread into the daytime with you looking for and finding things to be grateful for throughout the day!

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