Inspiration Seeking

I survived our first week open for business-as-usual.  I sold some glasses and did a whole slew of repairs and adjustments which feels a little odd still because I don't just have to get close to a person to adjust their glasses, I physically have to touch them to move their ear out of the way to see how they are sitting.  Some people were so nonchalant about it and others looked like they were going to faint from me getting that close to them.  Some days were quiet, allowing me to get a bunch of work done on a large chart merging project, and some days I was face to face with customers my whole shift.  Every day at work I told myself when I got home after work I would look at other options. The company I work for has great benefits but I am really getting more and more irritated with customer service/ sales and I've been an optician for 19 years. I'm a little burnt-out on the same old stuff, not to mention having to compete with the 2-for-$69 places and online glasses places. 

Needless to say, I haven't followed through on my promise to myself to look for other jobs/careers.  I don't want to go back to school, we are still paying off my Bachelor's degree, I just want to figure out something more rewarding, preferably something I can do for the next 20 years until I  retire. Every day I don't check into it I am degrading myself, so it's like this dark cloud following me around.  

Yesterday before I went grocery shopping I had to decide if I was going to start South Beach Diet like I've been saying I am going to or if I was going to continue on autopilot, this psychologically-messy thing I call "pushing through" until I'm in a better place mentally.  I thought about how awful I feel lately.  Binging like I'm constantly on-edge about something; as if I can eat those feelings away.  Stomach bloated and complaining, gassy and uncomfortable and tired and sad-angry with myself.  I thought about my friend who was diagnosed with cancer last fall and totally cleaned up his act.  He was an alcoholic and abused drugs, ate like crap and just generally didn't take care of himself.  Then the big wake up call and he did a complete 180.  First he go clean and sober, then he ditched the sugar and now he's vegan, eating healthier than ever.  He has lost 85 pounds and looks like he's doing really well. This in the midst of his marriage falling apart.  I thought about him and let that inspire me to start South Beach again tomorrow.  

I did my "last weekend with sugar" chowfest all weekend.  Let me tell you, my stomach and mood feels bad from all that sugar.  And maybe that's a good thing to realize as I begin what will be a very tough 2 weeks of minimal sugars. I need to get back off the blood sugar rollercoaster.  I'm craving sugars so much right now because I have been eating it for the past couple weeks.  I know that sugars are food for cancer and make you feel lethargic.  I don't want diabetes but somehow when I'm under sugar's spell I can only think of fulfilling the desire to eat it no matter the consequences.  

I don't like how I feel today and I want to get back to feeling upbeat and energetic.  So tough as it will be the first few days I will follow through and start my reset tomorrow.  I will weigh to see where I'm at and check progress along the way.  I still want to be doing morning practices of my mantras and affirmations, which I have let fall by the wayside, and of course exercise which will likely be a mix of zumba, yoga and strength training.  I'll just look as April as a month off for mental health and hopefully I can fall back into the 

exercise groove with little effort.  

I think I'm ready.  I won't know until I start.  That's the hardest part, after that there's only adjustments.  I can make adjustments.  I can do this!