Eye Alarm

Last week was jam-packed full of appointments for my family and I was handling it fine until I got to my eye exam.  I always opt for the extra imaging and my case is exactly why it's a good idea to do so, especially if the doctor doesn't dilate every patient. In the eye clinic where I work we dilate everyone (shows a much better picture of the back of the eye, the optic nerve and bloodwork that supplies your eye.  It can detect some pretty wild stuff from central nervous system issues, autoimmune diseases and even brain tumors.)  However I carry insurance through my husband so I went to another office for my exam and that's why I got the imaging done.  The doctor saw some things that concerned him.  First he showed me the margins of my eye and how the color on the image changed.  He said it wouldn't concern him is he didn't see a greater change around the optic nerve.  He hinted at glaucoma though I have never had anything indicating I may develop it, all other imaging I've ever had was normal.  Then he showed me that I have a hemorrhage in my right eye near the optic nerve. Not good.  He said normally he would suspect glaucoma but the pressures in my eye were on the low side of normal so he was thinking the hemorrhage could be due to hypertension or diabetes and recommended I have some bloodwork done ASAP to figure out what is going on with my body.  

My first response was to freak our and Google everything. I was convinced I had low tension glaucoma so finally I asked a doctor's technician supervisor in my own office for advice and she ran a test that took measurements of my corneas and all the layers of my eyes and had our eye surgeon look at it.  He said everything looks fine and reiterated that I should have my blood work done and check my blood sugars.  One worry was released and replaced with another.  I know my blood pressure is looking good (117/76) so it's not likely the cause.  What if I have diabetes?  I have always felt really fortunate that even though I was overweight most of my life, I have kept the big D away so far.  

Here is where I hit a crossroads.  Part of me wants to push myself to just try really hard and convince myself I can turn this around.  Future-me loves how it feels to do healthy things, present me wants to relax and wallow in woe-is-me for a bit.  Mind you, I don't have any confirmation of a diagnosis, I was supposed to have my annual physical exam in April but COVID pushed it back and now the earliest I can see my doctor is September.  

I had something like this happen in that same eye back in 2003 and went to a retinal specialist and my primary care doctor and had a whole battery of tests run and no one could ever figure out what caused it.  This could be the same outcome.  It's in my nature to worry but sometimes when I get over-worried I shut down and avoid instead.  I will have this checked out, but I'm trying to remind myself not to panic until there's a reason to.  Diabetes isn't inevitable, there are ways to reverse and prevent it.  

I will call to make an appointment tomorrow and have some bloodwork done and I will go from there. That's all that can be done for now.  I can wait until September and let my brain go through the battles, hoping I can get/stay on track but I'm playing Russian Roulette if there's something wrong with my health, and setting myself farther away from getting better.  I will update as soon as I learn more.  I have too many thought whirling around to try and pin them down in a post tonight.