As my semester as school comes to a close, I am letting out a long sigh of relief and release. I am happy to put the first semester back, behind me and resume a somewhat normal schedule again for a few months.
I ran 3 miles on Saturday, in preperation of my 5K on May 19th. While I was running, I tried to think about other things, to keep my mind off the fact that I was doing something I don't really enjoy, and for what purpose? To prove to myself that I can? I've already done that. I thought about my beautiful friend, Trish who left us too soon. You may recall, she was in a horrible marriage with a drug addict, and when she finally got the courage to leave with her young son, she wanted to do something for herself, so she decided to have plastic surgery. When the anesthesia entered her bloodstream, her heart stopped and she never awoke. In the end, it was her heart that was the culprit. I thought about my own heart, and the poor way I've been handling my health. Then I thought about her son, growing up without a mother. I decided, while I was running, and trying hard to maintain rhythmic breathing, that I was going to do this 5K for Trish, to honor her memory, and to commit to taking better care of my health so I can be there for my own kids.
But after two days of recovery, I am beginning to realize that my foolishness, and having to try and prove something, is not encouraging healthy things for my body. My left knee is scolding me fiercly for aggrivating it. It is a feeling that I would not tollerate if it were caused by anything other than running, but I have learned to expect and allow it after running, and if I am being honest with myself, I know it is an indicator that I should not be doing the activity that caused it to feel so poor. And my whole lower body is still very sore too, just the standard muscle soreness, but it really makes me dread running, which isn't a good way to convince myself to do it again. So while I was lying awake during one of my recent bouts of insomnia, an idea came to me that made me realize I can outsmart myself. I wonder how fast I can walk that course? It is better than the thought of giving up and not going at all, and I will be doing my knees a favor by not running it. And, if I really push myself, I might be able to walk it faster than I can run it. It is just a thought. I am not going to have too many more opportunities to get out and practice, but I think I am going to have to put this Plan B into practice, I just don't think I can do this to my knees much longer without creating irrivokable damage. Again, for what purpose?
My lack of blogging last week was partly due to the busy things I mentioned in my previous blog, but also out of pushing healthy things out of my mind. The fact that I ran Saturday actually surprised me and I ate pretty healthy that day compared to all the others, but in general, mine has been an attitude of I'll fix this pretty soon. As backwards as it is, some of my indifference to my health lately, has come from me dreading this 5K. I keep looking at is as an obstacle, making plans for when it's finally out of the way. Then I can train my legs again and enjoy cardio again, and really focus on some great workout that I like instead of dreading/forcing myself to try to run three days a week. So I am hoping that this new idea of speed walking it will help alleviate some of those nasty roadblocks I am throwing in my own way. My waistline is continuing to grow, and I am really not liking the way I look right now. I need to put the brakes on all the bad habits and remember what I am doing. I even thinking about making an appointment with a doctor for a few months out, to motivate me to get on the right track, because that has been a really effective tool in the past. Right now, I am not accountable to anyone, and that is a problem.
This week, my plan is simple. I want to stay on track during the week, which will be much easier now that I am going to be getting home at a normal time of night. I want to walk that 3 mile stretch at some point this week, to see what kind of time I can make. I'm not sure what other kind of activity I will be able to do, it depends on how my knee feels and how long my lower body stays sore. But it is my goal to start to work back towards some sort of normalcy. And in the long term, that is going to mean that I am going to have to reign in my cheat food to one meal a weekend. Lately, I haven't even been trying on the weekends, it is just a free-for-all, and I am paying for it in an ever-expanding waistline, low energy and low self-esteem. The sad part about it is, it is so automatic for me to just eat whatever I want on the weekends, that I don't even think about exercising controll anymore. But that has to change, and I have some fun ideas about how we can make it work as a family, so we're all eating better on the weekends.
Though it may take a bit to surface, my husband will be in an ad for Apple's iPad 3, which should get him some really nice exposure. We are hoping it gets him "discovered". He is going to San Fran this weekend, and I am really hoping he changes his mind about moving to Florida. I'd much rather have to weather a couple more winters in Wisconsin to save up for California that suffer the bugs and humidity of Florida! Fingers crossed.
Hope your Monday is off to a great start! Thanks for reading.