Thursday, September 6, 2012

Not Smooth

About a week ago, I started to get an eerie feeling, almost premonition-like images of something horrible happening to me.  I don't know if anyone else ever has this happen, but it happens to me a couple times a year.  I will be driving along and just get a perfectly clear image of myself having a catestrophic accident.  And it's not just the one time, but everytime I'm driving, at every stoplight.  I imagine, what if that car didn't stop?  Or, what if my brakes failed and I drove down that embankment onto the highway?   I usually take it as a sign that something bad (albeit less horrible) is about to happen.  It is so eerie how it is usually pretty accurate.  Last week I had several small incidents that caused me pain, including having my head and forearm slammed in a car door by my son, which I assumed was the accident that my mind's eye kept foreshadowing. 
Yesterday, however, was a horrible day for me.  It was one of those days where nothing, and I mean NOTHING went right for me.  I worked for a short while in the morning before class, and there were a few "problem patients" that had huge issues that will take several people in several departments several days or weeks to solve, but they originated in my department, so I will be involved whether or not I want to be.  When I got to school, the plan was to get a parking pass and spend a little time studying before class started.  The walk to the building is long and I was exceptionally hot, as I had been dressed in my work attire, all black, long-sleeved shirt, and the sun beating on me as I walked to the building was threatening to activate my sun alergy, turning me into an itching maniac.  Once I made it to the correct building, which is actually three buildings joined together via underground tunnel, and made my way through winding hallways to the bursar's office, I filled out my paperwork and stood in the long line.  It was then that I saw the sign, "cash or check only, no debit or credit cards accepted."  ReallyWhat year is this?  How can a major institution like the University of Wisconsin not accept debit cards?  Who carries cash anymore, especially in the ludicrous amounts they want for a parking pass?  Who on earth uses a checkbook anymore?!  Outraged, I made the long trek back through the hallways, but decided to take what I thought would be a shortcut, heading out an unfamiliar door.  It led down a stone pathway toward a different building.  As I approached, I saw a sign on the door, "Not an entry.  Door does not open from outside."  So I turned back toward the building from which I just left.  The building has windows that span all three stories, and inside the windows are study areas filled with people.  They are watching me as I walk around in overly-warm black clothing and grasp for a door handle to re-enter the building.  This door apparntly, only opens from the inside as well, and the next and the next.  By the time I find a set of stairs I am sweating and cursing the itchy sun allergy and swearing about the bursar's office under my breath, and I reach the top of the steps to realize I am in some sort of recieving zone, and am likely not supposed to be there.  But then I see a footpath in the distance, and my anger makes me press on, looking at the recieving staff straight on, asking them to challenge me as I walk toward the path.  Nobody challenges me.  In fact, several people greet me with pleasant hellos and head nods the entire time I am at school.  Can't they see I'm irritated?!  After nearly an hour of walking around campus, I finally get to my car and am gratful that the emergency check I've left in my glovebox is still there.  I wind my way back down the the anals of the earth to pay for a parking pass, my book bag weighing on my tired shoulders and making it feel as though my skin is being ripped apart underneath, and having a few minutes to spare, head to my classroom.  It's statistics, a class I am thoroughly dreading, and the professor is just as I would imagine, a mousy, geeky lady who speaks with such enthusiasm that she needs to catch her breath from time to time.  I am going to be lost the entire semester.  After class, I am more than happy to be returning to my excessively air conditioned office, but as I am pulling out of my parking spot, "CRUNCH!"  I turned a bit too sharp out of my spot, and hit the car parked next to me.  I jump out, in a panic.  I just broke their headlight cover and left a small blue mark on their bumper.  Their car is quite a bit older than mine, even rusting in a few spots.  My car has a long white scrach and dent along the back door, and some of the trim is ripped off.   I left a note with my information on their windshield, and headed back to work, cursing my day.  My husband was extremely understanding, and I still haven't heard from the owner of the car I hit.  No one was hurt and my car is still driveable, I kept reminding myself.  It didn't make me feel better.  I have been so clumsy and careless lately, making so many stupid mistakes.  My stress level was so elevated by the time I left work, seeing my kids made me feel a lot better, but I was in a dark place and I wanted comfort food.  We got some sweets and pizza from the grocery store.  It helped more than I want to admit.  Just as I was ready to put my kids (and my bad day) to bed, my older son decided he didn't want to sleep in his bed, as he is on the top of their bunk beds, and sometimes gets nervous of being up so high.  I was complaining to him about how he should be sleeping in a bed and not on beanbags on the floor as I climbed the ladder to gather his things, when the ceiling fan, on full speed, smashed me clear in the forehead, just above the temple.  I howled for fifteen minutes straight as the lump stood several inches off my head, and created a swollen, bleeding area the size of a tennis ball.  After tending to my wounds and getting the kids settled down, I broke down to my husband.  Why am I so clumsy lately?  What is wrong with me?  I can't do anything right latelyI don't have the energy to be everything life is demading me to be right now.  My husband, who was concerned and supportive, offered gentle, inspiring words to me, and reminded me that the weekend is coming and we will have a nice time.  The last negative thought I allowed into my head before I went to bed, I have to take a gen ed skill assesment test this Saturday, ugh!  Then I put my sorry, swollen head to bed. 
No workout today, my head is still very swollen and I have a large gash.  I am taking the rest of the week and weekend off from everything except work and school.  No gym, no strict diet, no extra duties just to be nice.  I am officially taking a break from unneccesary chaos.  Monday may be another story, but for now I'm going to give my mind and body what it needs/wants. 
Here's hoping this was the "bad thing" I felt coming.  I don't want anything else right now!
I hope your week is going smoother than mine!  Sorry for the bummer post!

1 comment:

  1. Wow, really sorry to hear of this...I sure hope things are better?!?
    If it makes you feel any better, I do (often, over the years) have thoughts/visions of the other cars, crossing the center lane into me... (ect.) :/
    My life, (I thought) was about to get easier; but, now...is quite busy in other aspects. We will talk about it...when we get together.

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