Friday, September 14, 2012

Underneath it

I am still here, but not on as fantastic a journey as I was two weeks ago.  I am completely -COMPLETELY- overwhelmed by my college workload this semester.  Last semester I was complaining about having night classes messing up my evenings.  This semester I thought I was being clever and saving myself a lot of headaches by scheduling day classes.  What that has done is create an unforseeable disaster in my daytime schedule, leaving me very little time to study.  Since I have to leave for school in the middle of my workday 4 out of 5 days a week, that means my boss is usually in my office, covering my absence which means, that is time I am not studying.  Last semester I was able to study at work, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in front of my boss. 
So I am struggling to get a schedule set for myself, not just for studying, but for when and what to eat as I am dashing off to class or during class.  To say that I have not been successful is an understatement, as I have found myself running in and out of convenience stores, rummaging for whatever tidbits constitute food to at least "get me by" until I can actually take time to fix myself something.  UGH.  It is getting to the point that I am losing my appetite for food.  When I am eating clean, I can think of a bunch of indulgences that sound good, but now that I am eating such crap, I don't even want any more of it.  I know I will get things in order soon.  I have to, I hate the way I look and feel right now.  I've only been to the gym 3 times in the past two weeks, my knee feels aweful, my clothes don't fit as well, my self esteem is droopy at best.  There were several reasons why I skipped the gym this week.  My head is healing, it is a multiple-green-shaded entity, but it is a lot less sore.  But the other reasons I had for skipping were valid, and it constituted me actually listening to my body.  Being as overwhelmed with stress as I have been is really caustic to my body. 
But today is a great day, one where I woke with energy and enthusiasm.  At work we have a program called Casual for a Cause, where in lieu of my uniform I get to wear jeans and a casual top in exchange for a small donation to a local charity.  While trying on clothes for this today, I realized that I am so far away from where I want to be with my body.  I keep climbing the same 100 feet of this mountain instead of making true progress and getting closer to the summit.  For me, letting my college schedule catch me off guard was a bad decision that will take a lot of work to reverse.  But I knew it was coming, I just didn't plan properly.  And, because I have to go my separate ways with the Live Fit insanity that is Phase 3, there just isn't that safety net.  It really comes down to simply sitting down and planning things out.  Mobile but healthy things I can eat in the car and at class, and mix-and-matching the workouts from the program that I can do.  I think in the chaos of the stress (some of it self-created) I have allowed myself to make things seem alot more complicated than they truly are. 
Now that I am settling into the routine of my class schedule (at least I know where my classes are and when I need to be in which room in each building) and getting used to the feeling of not having an ounce of free time, I think I will figure a way to make it all work.  There is always a learning curve when I encounter big changes in schedule and stress level.  I am still learning, but more importantly, I'm getting smarter.
Hope you've all been having a good go of it!  Happy Friday!

2 comments:

  1. Bloody hell, you fit a lot into a day. No wonder you get up at 04:30.

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    1. Yes, and my children's homework load this year is heftier as well, and they have such trouble staying focused. Woe is me! I better get a fantastic wage increase after all of this college nonsense!

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