Little Things

Today is a day where I think I am going to have to do a Random Act of Kindness to lift my spirits.  So far this morning I have been caught in the rain, twice.  Had to bring my son's ID to him at school which I loathe spending any more time at that place than I have to, then I parked in the wrong place and an officer told me to move my car, again, in the rain.  I got cut off in traffic and almost crashed.  Got to work and had people wanting things before I was even officially open.  Bah!  I am in a fould mood, but I am trying to focus on positives.  I have a job which pays my bills so I can live in a nice place and my kids are in an awesome school district. 
We are still dealing with a suicidally depressed teen and thinking that he will have to be pulled out of school in order to lessen his stress right now.  Yes, we have been going to counseling, which he detests, and we have an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes with people who are on the autism spectrum, we will hopefully get him medicine to help elevate his mood.  It has been a very heavy burden for our family as we move into crisis mode and always have to be prepared to get calls from school when he starts talking about wanting to kill himself.  He has admitted that some of it is for attention or to get out of doing stuff, but he truly is depressed and part of what bothers him is his weight.  He definitely uses food to comfort and also as a form of "entertainment" when he's bored.  It's a drug.  I am hoping that an anti-depressent will make him feel good so he won't feel the need to turn to food for that so much. 
So lately I have been very overwhelmed with trying to navigate our messy lives and of course, my job causes me a lot of stress as well and I am aware of the ways I try to numb myself.  In an effort to try and cheer me up yesterday, my husband sent me a picture of me snuggling with our dog and even during that sweet moment I had my phone in one hand, as if I can't fully feel any moment without distracting myself at the same time.  I'm overly critical of it because it used to drive me nuts when my husband did it, now I am just as hooked if not more because I do genealogy stuff on their along with all the other forms of "entertainment" and social media/games etc.  My husband is a big reader so it works out well, he reads and I am usually hot on the trail of some dead relative.  I do recognize that I am in desperate need of a break from work soon and have requested a week off in January.  I really don't know how I'll make it until then, but the reality is, it's really hard to get days off where I work, much less an entire week.  I always have more than 100 hours of PTO banked because I never take it and I earn it so fast.  I am thinking about just biting the bullet and scheduling myself a massage with the spa gift card I got for my birthday.  It has to be used by the end of the year and I've been putting it off because I am self-conscious about my body and have never had a massage, but now I think I am ready.  I am naked at the gym and at the doctor and I can handle it.  I will just have to try it once.  It's a big step for me even just to schedule it, but boy I sure feel like I could use it lately with all the stress!  My husband and I also have gift cards for Indian and Thai restaurants we have to use up, so we will probably spoil ourselves some more using them, it feels like a great time to do that!
I have been comfort-eating the past couple days, but strangely enough, I have been eating less.  I had a swiss cake roll at work yesterday and it sat so heavy in my stomach that it ended up causing me heartburn and then I didn't eat for several hours after due to being too busy at work and having an appointment to get to right after work, so my whole day's food ended up being a bagel, some crackers and cheese, a swiss cake roll (the Little Debbie ones) and two slices of pizza and a banana for dinner.  I have been noticing that sweets are giving me heartburn.  I looked it up and I guess the sugars are in a lot of things that cause heartburn or trigger it.  I hate that feeling so I will remember that next time I want to bite into something chocolate. 
Well, I think I am going to go think up a Random Act of Kindness to do and lift my mood a little. It's the little things in life!


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