A New Tool

I have had a bit of a sagging spirit lately, I've been running circles in my head over this whole not-dieting thing.  I am feeling bad about how I look and I keep thinking about jumping on the diet wagon again.  Admittedly, I haven't read Geneen's book in a while, I am sure the beginning stages are bound to be a little messy, but I just feel like I'm even failing at NOT dieting.  I should be getting better at not putting food in my mouth when I'm not hungry.  Weekends are really kind of a free-for-all and I know it needs to change.  More on that later.  So this kinda-wanna-diet-but-I-know-how-it'll-end-up thing is really making me irritable, because this is so slow.  In my head I try to remember that the slower it is lost, the better chance of having less skin issues later.  Also, I feel like I would have a much better chance at keeping it off doing it this way.  Still, I felt like I needed a little help.  So I first searched up weight loss success stories.  I love a good inspirational story, but the first article I opened was so dramatic.  The tagline said something about people who've lost and kept it off, but all the article showed was people who lost gobs of weight in less than a year.  They became addicted to the gym and eating plain chicken breast with broccoli for the most part.  It didn't show anything about them maintaining their loss, which is what I was especially interested in because it seems nearly impossible.  Then I got more specific in my search and looked for Geneen Roth sucess stories.  Mixed in the results was an article about EFT or tapping.  That got me intrigued.  I have never heard of it before.  A short description of it is that when a stress or anxiety-invoking situation is sitting on you, you tap specified points on your body to reduce your stress.  It seems pretty easy to conclude how it could be a useful tool in the process of ending emotional eating.  There are a lot of people teaching it, and slightly different methods, but I followed along with this video:Tapping
And it seems to at very least, calm me.  That's not a horrible thing. It is reported to work on the amygdala in the brain, to relieve the fight-or-flight response casued by stress and anxiety.  EFT, by the way, stands for Emotiona Freedom Technique.  That has a therapudic ring, doesn't it?
About my weekends, I don't mean to seem that they are a binge-fest, but I am definitely less mindful.  For instance, I took Friday off, which is like parting the seas at my work, but I needed a day off.  I got my kids off to school, took the dog out, rushed to make a haircut appointment on time, and then headed off to Target to get some needed items.  On the drive over to Target I realized that now-familiar nausea sensation and it dawned on me that it was nearly 11am and I hadn't eaten yet.  Driven to finish all my errands before getting home, it ended up being closer to 1pm when I ate, and I had a heaping plate of nachos with beans, guacamole and sour cream.  I didn't stop when I was satisfied and my stomach was uncomfortably full for hours after.  So uncomfortable that I couldn't enjoy any of the crazy food I bought at the grocery store.  I stashed a few things in a baggie for later, which made me realize that the idea of missing out on the experience is still a trigger that has a big grip on me.  If I don't put a few of these aside, the kids will eat them all up and I'll miss out on the assured joy they will bring.  That sort of concept has helped me get to where I am at with my excess weight.  At least I put them aside instead of trying to eat on top of a full stomach.  I can't say I've always had that restraint.  I can say, once again, I really dislike the sensation of being overfull.  Yet I feel guilty wasting food. 
Saturday I did a whole heap of house cleaning and I ran into the same problem where I let myself get over-hungry because I was busy and didn't want to stop.  That time I ate a simple turkey sandwich and got back to work.  Later when I was physically hungry again, I finally enjoyed some of the snacks I had stashed away the day before.  They were just...meh.  I certainly built them up in my head to be so much more than they were.  I could have easily let the kids have them.  I will try to remember that in the future.  Food expectations often lead to disappointment.   On Sunday, after eating home cooked burgers and oven-baked fries, I needed to go to the corner grocery to grab a few last minute supplies for the week.  I was full and satisfied, but so often when I'm running there lately I am getting ice cream, between sore throats and trying to get my son to take his medicine anyway I can think of. So my emotional brain, being the sassy brat that it is, told me ice cream would be sooooo gooooood.  I was almost convinced, but then I decided to question why I want the ice cream when I wasn't hungry and I realized my mouth was dry and I really wanted it to feel refreshed.  I wanted something COLD, not necessarily ice cream.  So I bought a bag of ice, which is rare in my house because we rarely have room in the freezer.  You would have thought I did buy ice cream, my kids were so thrilled with the ice.  And we all had super-icy drinks all night and it really did hit the spot!  So it's things like this that will end up making long term success.  Breaking down old habits and reexamining what it is I really want, and finding a way to get it that doesn't lead to me piling on more pounds. 
So I think I am going to incorporate tapping.  It is another way to be mindful of my emotions before I end up eating them.  I am not going to go gaga and buy some book and subscribe to some group or program, but I will do the tapping and self-soothing mantras, because I think that sort of thing can be uplifting even if I feel silly at first.  Over the course of the summer at my psychic spiritualist church, my reverend gave me a message that I have been gifted (or, have had it dumped on me) the idea that I am not worthy. She said it is something that I have had dumped on me from previous lifetimes and it has continued to follow me into this one because I have not challenged it.  I cried when she told me that.  Psychic or not, she was seeing in me what others don't know because I feel like I hide it pretty well.  She told me to do daily affirmations telling myself I am worthy.  That is a concept I do feel like has been burdening me for several lifetimes and I think in combination with the things I am doing now, I will have a chance to shirk off some of that emotional weight.  Just typing that makes me feel better already! 


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