Unstuck in the Middle
Last week I got a chance to try out tapping, when I was experiencing one of my biggest fears/stressors: driving in snow. We got walloped with about 7 inches, starting before my morning drive to work. That drive to work went from stressful to scary when clumps of slushy snow began to freeze back onto my windshield wipers making it nearly impossible to see through my windshield. I was literally guiding myself by the darker grooves in the snow-covered road and the dark vehicle ahead of me. I was too scared to pull off for fear I would miss the driveway or not be able to stop in time. By the time I got to work I was so shaky and stressed out that I felt ill and, knowing it was supposed to continue throughout the day, I couldn't settle down. So, I tried tapping for the first time. I tapped the spots while first acknowledging my worry/stress, then assessing it and finally saying encouraging things. One of the encouraging things I told myself is, "There is help for this." I did feel a little more relaxed afterword, and was able to not eat anything to try and comfort myself at that moment. That is a pretty huge victory. What I did do was finally set up an appointment to see someone about my anxiety. It is time to care for myself from the brain and outward in all directions!
I haven't really been stressed to the point of needing tapping, at least not that I am currently aware of, since then. I was, however, extraordinarily crabby last week with Ma Monthly visiting, and did eat a bag of Reese's PB cups over the course of the week. The victory in that statement, is that the bag lasted me much longer than it would have if I were facing it "in between" diets.
Another thing I did for myself over the weekend was I finally used my spa gift card. I didn't have the courage to get a full body massage, and by the time I was trying to book the appointment (it had to be used by the end of Dec) they were booked up except for odd times during the middle of the weekdays. So I got my first pedicure, complete with a hot stone leg and foot massage. I will admit, I had some heavenly experience imagined in my head, with really intense massage that made my feet feel absolutely fantastic. They did feel good, for sure, and I absolutely love the nail color, but all those old aches and irritations I have in my legs and feet were still there. I guess a nice massage can't heal old age, ha ha! I did feel pampered, but in my head it would have been quiet and relaxing, but the girl wanted to jabber the whole time and I felt the social pressure to have conversation the entire hour and a half. Ah, so it goes! It isn't something I can see paying $80 for all the time, but it was a nice treat. And, I grabbed a bottle of that amazingly sparkly red polish I liked so much.
This morning, after a couple months of doubting myself, I woke up and looked at my reflection and in that moment, it seemed that my stomach is getting slightly smaller. It is the type of miniscule change that only I could notice on my own self, but I think it is happening. I have noticed that I have been eating a lot less often than I did in the past and in a way that takes a little bit of the challenge of the what to eat away. I don't really snack that much, only when I am physically hungry for the most part, or if I want a few chips I will eat them with a meal instead of in between. I am noticing it takes less food to make me feel satisfied than I thought too, I had just been so programmed to eat until I was mentally satisfied that I did it by rote. I am thinking this could potentially be the first holiday season in many years that I am not stressing out about making choices or loading up on protein so I don't go overboard with carbs. I'm not at the point where I never eat when I'm not hungry or never eat past the point of being satisfied, but I'm way closer to that than I've ever been. And it hasn't been grueling by any means.
At the same time, something I never thought possible, I have to continually be on my guard so as not to plan out a diet in my head. I am so accustomed to the waves of on and off that it truly is a challenge to keep myself from getting excited about the idea of cutting back carbs again. On the other hand, while looking at recipes on Pinterest yesterday, I was finding a lot of Keto recipes and low-carb versions of things I like, such as bread and bagels, and it dawned on me that I can still incorporate these healthier versions of things into my diet without it being a do-or-die diet. I am generally more in the mood to cook and bake in the fall and winter anyway, when it helps me to warm my insides and the whole house. Win-win. That I had to convince myself of this made me contemplate things a little. Maybe in my attempt to ward off dieting, I was misinterpreting that as anti-healthy food. My brain is easily confused and I am used to convincing myself I have to be hardcore in my attack at this whole matter. And now I can just laugh at it. The whole concept behind Geneen Roth's method is to listen to inner self's food desires when I am hungry, not trying to steer it one way or the other. Just a few minutes ago, when I was coming into the lunch room at work, someone was warming up their roasted brussel sprouts and OMG I am totally craving brussle sprouts now. It's not that I haven't been eating healthy stuff at all, it is just the exception lately. There are very few vegetables that I ever crave. I have been eating sour kraut on my turkey sandwich lately, but other than that and the occasional brussel sprout or asparagus craving, I am usually not spending a huge amount of time in the produce section when I shop.
So next week I am planning to try out 2-3 of the low-carb recipes I found, Big Mac salad (for the whole family), Cloud bread, and low-carb bagels. I feel like, incorporating a few changes can make a big difference over time, just like the magazines always say, I just never took that seriously because I was either militant in my strictness or completely off the rails with food. So that's where I am now, somewhere in the middle. And that feels like a pretty smooth flow overall, so I think that's pretty OK.
I am not sure if I will blog before Christmas, I hope all who celebrate have a fantastic time!
I haven't really been stressed to the point of needing tapping, at least not that I am currently aware of, since then. I was, however, extraordinarily crabby last week with Ma Monthly visiting, and did eat a bag of Reese's PB cups over the course of the week. The victory in that statement, is that the bag lasted me much longer than it would have if I were facing it "in between" diets.
Another thing I did for myself over the weekend was I finally used my spa gift card. I didn't have the courage to get a full body massage, and by the time I was trying to book the appointment (it had to be used by the end of Dec) they were booked up except for odd times during the middle of the weekdays. So I got my first pedicure, complete with a hot stone leg and foot massage. I will admit, I had some heavenly experience imagined in my head, with really intense massage that made my feet feel absolutely fantastic. They did feel good, for sure, and I absolutely love the nail color, but all those old aches and irritations I have in my legs and feet were still there. I guess a nice massage can't heal old age, ha ha! I did feel pampered, but in my head it would have been quiet and relaxing, but the girl wanted to jabber the whole time and I felt the social pressure to have conversation the entire hour and a half. Ah, so it goes! It isn't something I can see paying $80 for all the time, but it was a nice treat. And, I grabbed a bottle of that amazingly sparkly red polish I liked so much.
This morning, after a couple months of doubting myself, I woke up and looked at my reflection and in that moment, it seemed that my stomach is getting slightly smaller. It is the type of miniscule change that only I could notice on my own self, but I think it is happening. I have noticed that I have been eating a lot less often than I did in the past and in a way that takes a little bit of the challenge of the what to eat away. I don't really snack that much, only when I am physically hungry for the most part, or if I want a few chips I will eat them with a meal instead of in between. I am noticing it takes less food to make me feel satisfied than I thought too, I had just been so programmed to eat until I was mentally satisfied that I did it by rote. I am thinking this could potentially be the first holiday season in many years that I am not stressing out about making choices or loading up on protein so I don't go overboard with carbs. I'm not at the point where I never eat when I'm not hungry or never eat past the point of being satisfied, but I'm way closer to that than I've ever been. And it hasn't been grueling by any means.
At the same time, something I never thought possible, I have to continually be on my guard so as not to plan out a diet in my head. I am so accustomed to the waves of on and off that it truly is a challenge to keep myself from getting excited about the idea of cutting back carbs again. On the other hand, while looking at recipes on Pinterest yesterday, I was finding a lot of Keto recipes and low-carb versions of things I like, such as bread and bagels, and it dawned on me that I can still incorporate these healthier versions of things into my diet without it being a do-or-die diet. I am generally more in the mood to cook and bake in the fall and winter anyway, when it helps me to warm my insides and the whole house. Win-win. That I had to convince myself of this made me contemplate things a little. Maybe in my attempt to ward off dieting, I was misinterpreting that as anti-healthy food. My brain is easily confused and I am used to convincing myself I have to be hardcore in my attack at this whole matter. And now I can just laugh at it. The whole concept behind Geneen Roth's method is to listen to inner self's food desires when I am hungry, not trying to steer it one way or the other. Just a few minutes ago, when I was coming into the lunch room at work, someone was warming up their roasted brussel sprouts and OMG I am totally craving brussle sprouts now. It's not that I haven't been eating healthy stuff at all, it is just the exception lately. There are very few vegetables that I ever crave. I have been eating sour kraut on my turkey sandwich lately, but other than that and the occasional brussel sprout or asparagus craving, I am usually not spending a huge amount of time in the produce section when I shop.
So next week I am planning to try out 2-3 of the low-carb recipes I found, Big Mac salad (for the whole family), Cloud bread, and low-carb bagels. I feel like, incorporating a few changes can make a big difference over time, just like the magazines always say, I just never took that seriously because I was either militant in my strictness or completely off the rails with food. So that's where I am now, somewhere in the middle. And that feels like a pretty smooth flow overall, so I think that's pretty OK.
I am not sure if I will blog before Christmas, I hope all who celebrate have a fantastic time!
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