Excuse my Snoring Zzzzz
Edging ever closer to little miss Monthly Meany, I am so so very tired. I am finding myself having a hard time holding my tongue lately too, which is out of character for me. I'm hoping this is one of those months where the surge of hormones makes me feel like Wonder Woman.
I am finding myself starting to wish about what's wrong with me. I hope it's just underactive thyroid, that's easier to fix than an autoimmune disease. It is ridiculous, but I know it is more about knowing what I can do to feel better. And part of me is wondering what the heck I am waiting for. My physical exam appointment is less than 3 weeks away and I find myself thinking, once I know what I have, then I'll really crack down and make some changes; I'll heal myself. It make sense on some level in my head, the one that always plans a future date to make any big changes that require effort, but really, why would I delay feeling better if I can do some things to help now?
So this week I have made some effort to start taking care of myself a little. I have been doing a little pre-bedtime ritual that includes using a neti pot (because my nose gets so stuffy at night, and I think this might help reduce my snoring) washing my face and soaking my eyelids (because the skin on my face is uber-dry and my eyes are too), using a luxuriously creamy lotion on my face and using eye drops. Heat helps the glands that secrete natural oils open up so your eyes stay more lubricated. I haven't noticed a huge difference with my eyes yet but the neti rinse does seem to help with my nose.
I have been stretching a bit more too which feels really good and is helping my piriformis muscle relax. I am starting to realize how lucky I am that it never developed into sciatica (torture!) but I know it isn't going to just go away on its own, and it is an indicator that other muscles are weak so I do really need to start strenth training if I want to keep my lower half functional. It's hard to think of exerting that kind of energy since mine is so very low right now, but I will start slow and easy.
I have been finding lately, that there's not a lot of desirable food in my house, so even though I think I might want something different than I planned for breakfast or dinnner (Kefir and sweet potato, respectively) nothing else in the house sounds good so I eat the planned meal anyway. I don't know if it's a general disinterest in food, since many times if I had to try and think of what I would eat if I could have anything in the world at that moment, I can't really think of anything. I guess that's why I plan out my meals in advance. I really wish a food faerie would come down and inspire me with yummy food. Looking for new recipes online can be so time consuming. Maybe I just need to commit to learning how to make a few simple, tastey sauces that are versatile, then I'd be in good shape. I just need to find the energy for any of it. Maybe in a few days.
Life is such a strange limbo isn't it? Being too tired to make change you need that would help you feel less tired. I have toyed with the idea of forcing myself to get a serving of fruits or veggies at every meal or snack, to see if the increased vitamin intake makes much difference. I still may try this. I am seeing a pattern lately; adding things is easier to stick to than taking things away. I'm adding some self-care via the bedtime ritual, the stretching, and maybe the fruit and veggie thing next. Adding that much fruit and veg might mean I eat less of other stuff or feel less of a draw to those things, and it could benefit me greatly. I will eventually try to add in some time on my stationary bike because both of my knees are now starting to bother me so walking is a little less feel-good for me. I don't want to dread walking, even just a few blocks, but I kind of do right now because of my knees and feet (and sometimes my hips too). If I were to look at myself from the outside I would feel sorry for myself, to feel so trapped in a bad situation that I have the full potential to get out of. From the inside, I am looking at my lack of effort as soothing or nurturing myself, but all of it adds up to more physical pain, so who is it really helping?
Ok, my eyes feel like they want to droop shut. Time to get up and do something so I can stay awake until bedtime!
I am finding myself starting to wish about what's wrong with me. I hope it's just underactive thyroid, that's easier to fix than an autoimmune disease. It is ridiculous, but I know it is more about knowing what I can do to feel better. And part of me is wondering what the heck I am waiting for. My physical exam appointment is less than 3 weeks away and I find myself thinking, once I know what I have, then I'll really crack down and make some changes; I'll heal myself. It make sense on some level in my head, the one that always plans a future date to make any big changes that require effort, but really, why would I delay feeling better if I can do some things to help now?
So this week I have made some effort to start taking care of myself a little. I have been doing a little pre-bedtime ritual that includes using a neti pot (because my nose gets so stuffy at night, and I think this might help reduce my snoring) washing my face and soaking my eyelids (because the skin on my face is uber-dry and my eyes are too), using a luxuriously creamy lotion on my face and using eye drops. Heat helps the glands that secrete natural oils open up so your eyes stay more lubricated. I haven't noticed a huge difference with my eyes yet but the neti rinse does seem to help with my nose.
I have been stretching a bit more too which feels really good and is helping my piriformis muscle relax. I am starting to realize how lucky I am that it never developed into sciatica (torture!) but I know it isn't going to just go away on its own, and it is an indicator that other muscles are weak so I do really need to start strenth training if I want to keep my lower half functional. It's hard to think of exerting that kind of energy since mine is so very low right now, but I will start slow and easy.
I have been finding lately, that there's not a lot of desirable food in my house, so even though I think I might want something different than I planned for breakfast or dinnner (Kefir and sweet potato, respectively) nothing else in the house sounds good so I eat the planned meal anyway. I don't know if it's a general disinterest in food, since many times if I had to try and think of what I would eat if I could have anything in the world at that moment, I can't really think of anything. I guess that's why I plan out my meals in advance. I really wish a food faerie would come down and inspire me with yummy food. Looking for new recipes online can be so time consuming. Maybe I just need to commit to learning how to make a few simple, tastey sauces that are versatile, then I'd be in good shape. I just need to find the energy for any of it. Maybe in a few days.
Life is such a strange limbo isn't it? Being too tired to make change you need that would help you feel less tired. I have toyed with the idea of forcing myself to get a serving of fruits or veggies at every meal or snack, to see if the increased vitamin intake makes much difference. I still may try this. I am seeing a pattern lately; adding things is easier to stick to than taking things away. I'm adding some self-care via the bedtime ritual, the stretching, and maybe the fruit and veggie thing next. Adding that much fruit and veg might mean I eat less of other stuff or feel less of a draw to those things, and it could benefit me greatly. I will eventually try to add in some time on my stationary bike because both of my knees are now starting to bother me so walking is a little less feel-good for me. I don't want to dread walking, even just a few blocks, but I kind of do right now because of my knees and feet (and sometimes my hips too). If I were to look at myself from the outside I would feel sorry for myself, to feel so trapped in a bad situation that I have the full potential to get out of. From the inside, I am looking at my lack of effort as soothing or nurturing myself, but all of it adds up to more physical pain, so who is it really helping?
Ok, my eyes feel like they want to droop shut. Time to get up and do something so I can stay awake until bedtime!
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