Life Happens

Last week I made a plan to make this the week that I try to cram a bunch of fruits and veggies in my diet.  You know what they say about intentions paving the road to Hell?  Yeah.  Things kind of fell apart on me and all the prepping for the week went out the window because I was feeling like something was really wrong with me.  I felt like I didn't even have enough energy to do my daily chores that I do, like take the dog out, dishes, etc.  So I put it off for Monday, but we had extra stuff going on, and I get home at 7pm on Mondays and then there was homework with the kids...you get the picture.  This week has felt like I am running after the dog after letting go of the leash; chasing chasing after that which has already gotten ahead of me and is running faster than I could ever dream of running. 
On top of all of that, both my body and my car need repair.  I have a brand new ache/pain in my back, and I honestly don't recall doing anything to make it hurt, parts of it feel bruised like I strained a muscle, but around the center it feels like more of a hot pain. I hope I don't have a bad disc,I have been so lucky that, despite the extra weight, my back has been really healthy thus far.  And my car is doing this clunking thing when the wheels turn and it's creeping me out. 
But I have decided to not embrace the normal panic that would come along with all of this.  I will try to get my car looked at this weekend, and my physical exam is the first week of April so I will hopefully get some answers.  Worrying will not serve me at all, nor will it fix any of the problems I have.  So I'm just going to take things as they come.  I am at least more energetic than I was over the weekend, and I have been doing some planks and yoga to see if I can get my back to feel better.
I've noticed that I just don't eat very often anymore.  Maybe I'm not giving my body enough fuel.  It's not that I don't get hungry, I do, but it seems lately my schedule keeps me from eating more often.  I typically have a full-fat kefir drink in the morning, which typically leaves me hungry mid-morning and I have a light snack (protein bar or nuts usually), then lunch is pretty much anything from veggie corn dogs to bean burrito, then I have dinner and sometimes I have a ounce or two of cheese before bed.  Not exactly nutritionally stellar, but I am also not noshing on chips or candy all day.  To be honest, I go through spurts where I get inspired about food and want to try and adopt a healthier menu, but I think I am just so burnt out of the overanalysis of it all that I just eat to be not hungry and float until the next time I have to eat. 
I have noticed small changes in my body but everything is so out of whack lately that I don't attribute it to anything.  Things are looser but not falling off. 
The extra sunlight/daylight does lift my mood some, and I am really looking forward to getting out and getting some fresh air and sunlight this spring and summer. I don't really have any major plans and I know better than to try and inspire myself to get on some big weight loss plan.  Maybe I've given up?  I just want a simpler way and to not have to think so much about it all.  Maybe this very path I am on is the one I should be on.  Who knows?  That stuff used to stress me out so much, but now, I think I am finally sinking into the calm and comfortable place where I truly don't care.  I am what I am and I'm not terribly unhappy either.  I think you get to a point in your life when you realize all the activity buzzing around you while you're stuck inside your head wondering about how others are judging you because of how you look, then you miss so much.  My recent chaos has me too spread thin to have time to focus on all that.  I am just trying to catch up and maybe get on top of my responsibilities, and really looking forward to those sweet summer months where our schedules free up nicely.  It's right around the corner now, can you feel it?  I'm ready to dip my feet in a lake and walk through green-leafy-blanketed woods and smell the moist soil while I plant the flowers for my patio.  I'm ready for farmer's market beefsteak tomatoes and tall sweaty glasses of iced tea.  And strappy sandals with perfectly painted toenails!  I'm ready for the sea of lightning bugs that cover the conservency where I live, and the sound of fireworks and motorcycles blasting past and music pumping from speakers of young people out having fun.  Ahhh!  But first, we have to get through these next month or so, where it is still possible to see snow and cold.  But it's close enough now I can almost smell the grills!

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