It's OK
The past week has been quite the emotion-soaked but somewhat of a neccesary evil, if you will.
First off, the iThrive series about diabetes. Let me first say that I think there are some good points and valuable information in this series. I have learned a lot about the dangers of diabetes, not just in the disease itself but in the extraordinarly high risk of getting cancer or having heart disease along with diabetes. I have a scientific and skeptical mind, so I have to wonder if these issues are connected or are part of the larger problem of obesity. Also, the more I watched, the more I became disillusioned because it was starting to sound like a big sales pitch for a low-fat. plant-based vegan diet. I will admit, the way the information is put together with its bright colors and the doctors with their scare-tactics, I was a bit inspired and actually considered switching back to vegan. I have been vegan before and it wasn't that horrible. But this way of eating excludes all processed items (so no veggie burgers unless you make them yourself) all oils and fats other than flax seed and walnuts or avocados, all everything that isn't a direct plant from the ground. You can eat all the white potatoes you want as long as you don't put butter, oil, dairy or anything else banned on top. Really? Who can live that way longterm? I get it, that is surely a really healthy way to eat, but it would take all the pleasure out of eating for me. So after thinking through all of that I realized that I would never be able to stick with such a strict way of eating, I'm not wired that way. That made me a little sad and angry at the same time, to listen to them not only slamming all other diet methods but to state that it has to be 100% of the time you are eating that way?! Not realistic in my opinion. At least, not realistic for anyone who has a damaged relationship with food, and I most certainly do.
On a side note, I laughed at the irony of these two emails being right next to each other on my phone this morning, being that the ithrive series is abhorently against meat consumption:
So the swing to the other direction is to think about midful eating. The goal with midful eating, in my opinion is to be satisfied more of the time so I eat less most of the time. I also think that the mindfulness will help me to realize what foods I really do and don't like instead of just eating them by habit. I have already discovered I really don't like chocolate that much, and I have been chowing down on that for years because it was "special" or a treat, or forbidden. Now, I don't remember the last time I ate chocolate. I don't crave it and even the thought of the thick layer of sugar-muck that gets jammed in my throat is a huge turn-off to me.
My favorite mindful eating author, Geneen Roth, has a book coming out today called, "This Messy Magnificent Life: a field guide" I am looking forward to getting and devouring the book tonight. Before I saw an interview about the book yesterday, I had a couselling session with Brittany. I told her how I have been using the breathing techniques and the meditations and how I am really starting to succum to the peace and relaxation they bring. I am being more mindful about my anxiety, challenging it when it wants to creep up, both with my breathing techniques and through asking myself what the worst case scenario is until I come to the conclusion. So in my counselling session we talked about mindfullness, and I explained to her that I use food as a drug, a distraction, entertainment, celebration, a companion,etc. I explained how I've been trying to build a more mindful toolset around food and how I have small victories but I am still working on the process. She was happy that I could make the connections on my own and then related it to my anxiety in general. Some of the same things I use to challenge myself with food can also work for my anxiety.
When I got home I felt really positive about my session and then I saw an interview with Geneen Roth and discovered that some of her book also covers low-level anxiety! Some of the things she was saying about the incorrect beliefs we have about ourselves was touching me so deeply that I teared up. I left for work in an emotional whirlwind. It didn't feel overwhelming or burdensome, just that I could tell I was having to bring my focus to some places that have been bruised, and that I have a strong sense that these things are becoming healed already, and are about to become even more so this year. Yes! This is going to be my year for healing these bruises that I have been feeling but not knowing what to do about. This is the year I will committ to self-love and find the peace I have been longing for my whole life. It doesn't really matter what does or doesn't happen with my body size, this is the more important stuff that will eventually lead to better and better things. I feel a bit of a freedom in the letting go of the struggle. Moving ever and ever closer to a place where I realize it's OK to be happy!
First off, the iThrive series about diabetes. Let me first say that I think there are some good points and valuable information in this series. I have learned a lot about the dangers of diabetes, not just in the disease itself but in the extraordinarly high risk of getting cancer or having heart disease along with diabetes. I have a scientific and skeptical mind, so I have to wonder if these issues are connected or are part of the larger problem of obesity. Also, the more I watched, the more I became disillusioned because it was starting to sound like a big sales pitch for a low-fat. plant-based vegan diet. I will admit, the way the information is put together with its bright colors and the doctors with their scare-tactics, I was a bit inspired and actually considered switching back to vegan. I have been vegan before and it wasn't that horrible. But this way of eating excludes all processed items (so no veggie burgers unless you make them yourself) all oils and fats other than flax seed and walnuts or avocados, all everything that isn't a direct plant from the ground. You can eat all the white potatoes you want as long as you don't put butter, oil, dairy or anything else banned on top. Really? Who can live that way longterm? I get it, that is surely a really healthy way to eat, but it would take all the pleasure out of eating for me. So after thinking through all of that I realized that I would never be able to stick with such a strict way of eating, I'm not wired that way. That made me a little sad and angry at the same time, to listen to them not only slamming all other diet methods but to state that it has to be 100% of the time you are eating that way?! Not realistic in my opinion. At least, not realistic for anyone who has a damaged relationship with food, and I most certainly do.
On a side note, I laughed at the irony of these two emails being right next to each other on my phone this morning, being that the ithrive series is abhorently against meat consumption:
So the swing to the other direction is to think about midful eating. The goal with midful eating, in my opinion is to be satisfied more of the time so I eat less most of the time. I also think that the mindfulness will help me to realize what foods I really do and don't like instead of just eating them by habit. I have already discovered I really don't like chocolate that much, and I have been chowing down on that for years because it was "special" or a treat, or forbidden. Now, I don't remember the last time I ate chocolate. I don't crave it and even the thought of the thick layer of sugar-muck that gets jammed in my throat is a huge turn-off to me.
My favorite mindful eating author, Geneen Roth, has a book coming out today called, "This Messy Magnificent Life: a field guide" I am looking forward to getting and devouring the book tonight. Before I saw an interview about the book yesterday, I had a couselling session with Brittany. I told her how I have been using the breathing techniques and the meditations and how I am really starting to succum to the peace and relaxation they bring. I am being more mindful about my anxiety, challenging it when it wants to creep up, both with my breathing techniques and through asking myself what the worst case scenario is until I come to the conclusion. So in my counselling session we talked about mindfullness, and I explained to her that I use food as a drug, a distraction, entertainment, celebration, a companion,etc. I explained how I've been trying to build a more mindful toolset around food and how I have small victories but I am still working on the process. She was happy that I could make the connections on my own and then related it to my anxiety in general. Some of the same things I use to challenge myself with food can also work for my anxiety.
When I got home I felt really positive about my session and then I saw an interview with Geneen Roth and discovered that some of her book also covers low-level anxiety! Some of the things she was saying about the incorrect beliefs we have about ourselves was touching me so deeply that I teared up. I left for work in an emotional whirlwind. It didn't feel overwhelming or burdensome, just that I could tell I was having to bring my focus to some places that have been bruised, and that I have a strong sense that these things are becoming healed already, and are about to become even more so this year. Yes! This is going to be my year for healing these bruises that I have been feeling but not knowing what to do about. This is the year I will committ to self-love and find the peace I have been longing for my whole life. It doesn't really matter what does or doesn't happen with my body size, this is the more important stuff that will eventually lead to better and better things. I feel a bit of a freedom in the letting go of the struggle. Moving ever and ever closer to a place where I realize it's OK to be happy!
Comments
Post a Comment