What I Learned
Tuesday, out of curiosity, I decided to track my food and water intake. I was mostly curious to see how many calories I was taking in, and to see some sort of breakdown of other stats. I used an app called Fooducate. My experience during was everything that has swayed me to never track food, like having a ball and chain. It made me hyper-aware of food and the old feelings of judgeing foods as good or bad returned for that day and I just felt a little edgy like I had something to prove while simultaneously feeling somehow guilty. The thing is, I have only had 2 sodas all week, and Tuesday I drank so much water. It made me realize that I was denying my body the water it was asking for, and relying heavily on diet soda to "entertain" my mouth and brain, but it really tricked me into thinking I was getting good hydration when I know I wasn't. The kicker is, I don't miss soda at all. Granted, I do not drink plain water, I add sugar-free flavoring. Maybe someday I will be able to change that too, but for now, I feel like the flavored water is way healthier, especially since no matter what I do I always feel dry- mouth, eyes, skin, hair, nose. So, water, water, water from here on out. I'm not saying I'm not ever going to have soda, especially when I'm eating out, but I feel fine not bringing a 12-pk to work every week.
So my results from tracking, and this is a pretty typical day for me, with the exception of lunch which changes often.
For reference, this is what I ate:
Breakfast: full fat berry flavored kefir
Snack: low-sodium roasted peanuts
Lunch: Veggie wrap (tortilla without transfat, organic spinach, full fat feta and black olives)
Dinner: 2 veggie corn dogs with ketchup and mustard and one small apple
Bedtime snack: Cheese
And roughly 100 oz of water for the day.
The only time I feel uncomfortably hungry is in the afternoon, about a half hour before I leave work. I really should work a snack into my afternoon because I do get to the point of nausea-hunger by the time I eat at night. That's not a fun feeling. Afternoon snack is the toughest one for me to work in because that is my busiest time of day at work, but a small, low-fat single-serve bottle of kefir is easy enough to sneak in between helping people on the salesfloor, I just need to prioritize it.
So here's my big wonder: why is the daily caloric intake based on a diet of 2,000+ calories? And if I am eating less than 1,500 calories a day, why am I not losing weight at a decent rate? I know that I am not super active, but I do get between 8,000-10,000 steps in just with my typical daily activity. I also know the quality of those calories matters. I have more sugars in my diet than I need I suppose, but I will not eliminate fruits. I could chose a no-sugar-added kefir for breakfast and add a little liquid stevia to it I guess. My goal in tracking wasn't to get down on myself, so I haven't spent a great deal of time dwelling on these thoughts, but I will mention it at my physical exam appointment next week.
All of the tracking and food-focus earlier this week made me stop and recall when I was studying Easter Philosophy in college a few years ago. When we learned about Taoism, the concept that I remembered the most was that of the uncarved block, of Pu. The gist of it is that, an uncarved block of wood is closer to enlightenment because it is not trying to be something it is not. (I appologize for my clumsy explanation, I am not a great philosopher of my time). So, someone can come and make something extraordinary out of the block, but in a way it is less divine because it is not what nature intended it to be now. I likened it to the way I have been feeling lately, that I really don't want to do stuff that just isn't me. The stress and pressure from trying to be something I am not is just draining for me, and it takes me so far from bliss that I can't believe I didn't stop myself from all this madness sooner. I will paraphrase Geneen Roth because I'm too lazy to find the passage. She says that when our energy, thoughts, emotions and self worth are tied up some future fantasy it also ties up our power to take in the beauty of this very moment; to realize that we are already blessed and have a million things that are NOT wrong. I am going through a transition right now, one that I think will be somewhat of a turning point for me. I am getting much more comfortable with not doing things without a personal cause. Looking good because of how someone else might judge me? Not my problem, not my concern. Attending a party or donating money for yet another office event? Nah, I'd rather be home in peace and everyone else who is closer to the employee being celebrated can and will lavish them with food and gifts. Stressing out over the patient who was rude? I hope they find something good inside of them that makes them feel better so they can treat others better. I am beginning to realize that so much of my complaining and dissatisfaction in my life is from me reacting emotionally in the moment, and that has really not served me at all. Like everything in life, being aware of it while it is happening is helping me to prevent it from happening. Not complaining or reacting makes me feel less stressed, feeling less stressed makes me feel like I don't really have something that needs to be 'fixed', feeling like I don't have a thing to be fixed makes me not turn to food for comfort.
I'd love to say that I have always known that fixing my mind would fix the weight issue but I don't think I really put all the pieces together about the whats and the hows until recently. I found mindful eating, Geneen Roth is the author that simply speaks to me and she writes so truthfully and beautifully that it feels like a therapy session and a hug all in one! I think I am finally at a place where I really don't care if I never lose weight. As it turns out, the side effect of letting go of those thoughts of 'getting skinny will totally overhaul and fix my entire life' has been an internal lightness and joy, something losing weight didn't really bring me because it was superficial and it really messed with my head. So the happiness I thought dieting would bring me (in the event it was successful) actually only came to me when I stopped dieting. Yes, it takes time to be OK with the idea of not dieting because you have to retrain your brain how to feel about all of it, you have to be in touch with some dark parts of your past, feel them and walk through them knowing you are tougher than you give yourself credit for. It takes allowing yourself the joy that is already there in your life, knowing you deserve it and not letting anyone else stand in your way of it. It is all connected. So little of it has to do with food, so much of it (at least for me) has to do with self worth. We all find our own path. I wish so many didn't have to struggle and hit their head against the wall so much but it's part of each person's journey. Read Geneen Roth books, or other books that teach you how to break free from emotional eating or teach mindful eating, meditate, notice things all around you that you appreciate as they are, and realize that your own body and mind should be one of them.
So my results from tracking, and this is a pretty typical day for me, with the exception of lunch which changes often.
 |
| Fooducate App. of course, some features cost extra |
For reference, this is what I ate:
Breakfast: full fat berry flavored kefir
Snack: low-sodium roasted peanuts
Lunch: Veggie wrap (tortilla without transfat, organic spinach, full fat feta and black olives)
Dinner: 2 veggie corn dogs with ketchup and mustard and one small apple
Bedtime snack: Cheese
And roughly 100 oz of water for the day.
The only time I feel uncomfortably hungry is in the afternoon, about a half hour before I leave work. I really should work a snack into my afternoon because I do get to the point of nausea-hunger by the time I eat at night. That's not a fun feeling. Afternoon snack is the toughest one for me to work in because that is my busiest time of day at work, but a small, low-fat single-serve bottle of kefir is easy enough to sneak in between helping people on the salesfloor, I just need to prioritize it.
So here's my big wonder: why is the daily caloric intake based on a diet of 2,000+ calories? And if I am eating less than 1,500 calories a day, why am I not losing weight at a decent rate? I know that I am not super active, but I do get between 8,000-10,000 steps in just with my typical daily activity. I also know the quality of those calories matters. I have more sugars in my diet than I need I suppose, but I will not eliminate fruits. I could chose a no-sugar-added kefir for breakfast and add a little liquid stevia to it I guess. My goal in tracking wasn't to get down on myself, so I haven't spent a great deal of time dwelling on these thoughts, but I will mention it at my physical exam appointment next week.
All of the tracking and food-focus earlier this week made me stop and recall when I was studying Easter Philosophy in college a few years ago. When we learned about Taoism, the concept that I remembered the most was that of the uncarved block, of Pu. The gist of it is that, an uncarved block of wood is closer to enlightenment because it is not trying to be something it is not. (I appologize for my clumsy explanation, I am not a great philosopher of my time). So, someone can come and make something extraordinary out of the block, but in a way it is less divine because it is not what nature intended it to be now. I likened it to the way I have been feeling lately, that I really don't want to do stuff that just isn't me. The stress and pressure from trying to be something I am not is just draining for me, and it takes me so far from bliss that I can't believe I didn't stop myself from all this madness sooner. I will paraphrase Geneen Roth because I'm too lazy to find the passage. She says that when our energy, thoughts, emotions and self worth are tied up some future fantasy it also ties up our power to take in the beauty of this very moment; to realize that we are already blessed and have a million things that are NOT wrong. I am going through a transition right now, one that I think will be somewhat of a turning point for me. I am getting much more comfortable with not doing things without a personal cause. Looking good because of how someone else might judge me? Not my problem, not my concern. Attending a party or donating money for yet another office event? Nah, I'd rather be home in peace and everyone else who is closer to the employee being celebrated can and will lavish them with food and gifts. Stressing out over the patient who was rude? I hope they find something good inside of them that makes them feel better so they can treat others better. I am beginning to realize that so much of my complaining and dissatisfaction in my life is from me reacting emotionally in the moment, and that has really not served me at all. Like everything in life, being aware of it while it is happening is helping me to prevent it from happening. Not complaining or reacting makes me feel less stressed, feeling less stressed makes me feel like I don't really have something that needs to be 'fixed', feeling like I don't have a thing to be fixed makes me not turn to food for comfort.
I'd love to say that I have always known that fixing my mind would fix the weight issue but I don't think I really put all the pieces together about the whats and the hows until recently. I found mindful eating, Geneen Roth is the author that simply speaks to me and she writes so truthfully and beautifully that it feels like a therapy session and a hug all in one! I think I am finally at a place where I really don't care if I never lose weight. As it turns out, the side effect of letting go of those thoughts of 'getting skinny will totally overhaul and fix my entire life' has been an internal lightness and joy, something losing weight didn't really bring me because it was superficial and it really messed with my head. So the happiness I thought dieting would bring me (in the event it was successful) actually only came to me when I stopped dieting. Yes, it takes time to be OK with the idea of not dieting because you have to retrain your brain how to feel about all of it, you have to be in touch with some dark parts of your past, feel them and walk through them knowing you are tougher than you give yourself credit for. It takes allowing yourself the joy that is already there in your life, knowing you deserve it and not letting anyone else stand in your way of it. It is all connected. So little of it has to do with food, so much of it (at least for me) has to do with self worth. We all find our own path. I wish so many didn't have to struggle and hit their head against the wall so much but it's part of each person's journey. Read Geneen Roth books, or other books that teach you how to break free from emotional eating or teach mindful eating, meditate, notice things all around you that you appreciate as they are, and realize that your own body and mind should be one of them.
Comments
Post a Comment