What's Next

I like that I am having more moments of clarity (that's what I'll call them) when the veil is thinner and I can make sense of some of my behaviors or emotional reactions to things.  I almost get a little frightened that if I breathe too hard or blink too much these moments will escape me, but for now I am going to do my best to record them when they happen.
After a tough week of snow, -50 degree below weather and even freezing rain, Saturday was sunnier and warm.  It felt like spring!  My mood was so bright and happy.  As I was driving home from the grocery store a 70's song came on the radio, and with the sunlight and warm weather (37 degrees is warm in Wisconsin this time of year) I got a really warm happy feeling wash over me and it made me think back to a day when I was a child and it the sun was filtering through our kitchen window.  My mom was in an uncharictaristically good mood and she had music on and was dancing.  No matter what, when Mom was happy, I was happy, because those moments were far too few.  I started to really feel that moment and relate to it, and it made me realize how much my mother disliked winter, though she didn't grumble about it like I do, but her mood was always better in the spring and summer.  I believe she also has SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  And I believe that I partially inherited it as a learned behavior.  The thing I really thought about this weekend though, is that I make the choice to not be that happy even on gloomy winter days.  That's a big enough bite to chew on.  Music is something that has the ability to lift my spirits as well, and maybe I need to encorporate more of it into my morning to help set the mood. 
I do not own the rights to this photo

The other thing I did over the weekend is start to give into something I have felt pulling me toward it for some time now.  I started to learn about Ayurveda, the ancient indian art of healing.  It is very complex, but I am intrigued.  I have learned that, being that I am a person who is always cold and have really dry skin, my doshas are out of balance.  Things that add warmth and fire to me will help me feel more alive.  I have had so so many dreams of running or doing things that make my heart feel warm and they are really euphoric dreams (sleeping dreams).  I have also had many moments where I feel like my limbs are just lazy and that getting them warm would help them feel better (ie, working out).  So this seems to be nature giving me the nudge.  Now Ayurveda is way more complex than how simple I just made it sound, but it made a lot of sense to me that because of my nature to be cold and lack energy, firey things will help balance me. There is a lot of guidence in what type of foods to eat in order to help balance your body's humors, and depending on the type of dosha (or imbalance) you have.  I haven't gotten too deep into it, but I can tell the self-healing properties of this system seem to be just what I have been searching for!  Ayurveda recommends a vegetarian diet, which I am eating already about 90% of the time, and includes a morning ritual of self care and meditation/yoga.  All of these sound very rejuvenating and uplifting.  I will report more as I learn more. 
I have been having great success with food and don't have any cravings or problems staying the course.  Over the weekend I cooked Salsa Chicken in the crock pot (you literally put chicken breast in the crock and pour some salsa on top, it gets fall-apart tender after 4 hours on low) and we had a side of sauteed zucchini and bell pepers with a little brie cheese melted on.  So good!  It made me realize how little I miss eating out at restaurants, which we seldom do anymore.  There are so many yummy things you can cook at home and many of them taste better than what you can get at a restaurant.  Plus, you can do it in your comfy lounge clothes!  Win-win! 
I am feeling good emotionally.  I like how things are going.  I can't wait to see what's next!


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