All These Thoughts!

Sooo much whirling around my mind lately as it relates to my body, my health, my age, my goals...and me not being someone who writes short posts, its easy for me to say more than what needs to be said.  I will try to be brief. 
1. My husband, who is the picture of fitness, tweaked his back at the gym last weekend, and had to admit, at the ripe old age of 40, that he is not young anymore.  I am 6 years older than him, so I wanted to laugh, but this is a reality.  The body does what it's going to, whether we like it or not.  Some things we can help or hurt with our choices, but there ARE choices.  I have been using my aging, sporadically achey body as an excuse to not even try stuff because I'm certain it will make me hurt.  I assume it is true, but there's a 50/50 chance of it not hurting but I go for the easy cop-out.  Plus, I really don't like exerting myself, but when I do, I usually feel really good.

2. My husband, older son and myself went for a hike in a gorgeous wooded bluff overlooking a bay on Saturday, the weather was perfect and the trees all around were so amazing.  My still-not-all-the-way-healed broken bone in my foot (or whatever else is causing pain under my big toe joint) was really irritated from all the walking on uneven ground/over tree roots and rocks partially buried in the dirt. When we got to the highest point, my husband had our son take a picture of us.  I don't really photograph well, but this picture of my is aweful.  Not only are my eyes not all the way open, but my odd backward-bending knees are really highlighted in my stretchy jeans I am wearing, and my fat roll on my stomach is super visible, despite wearing a drapey black shirt, and I can tell that I wore my comfiest bra (because it doesn't support at all) because the shape of "ma ladies" is just like they picture in the horrible elderly cartoons.  That I didn't trip over those puppies is a miracle!  I jest.  But I did feel pretty horrified by the photo and it had my mood really low for all of Sunday. 
On further review, it's not terrible, just not my favorite at all.  That cliff we were standing on was probably about 10 stories high, isn't that a hoot?
3. Which got me thinking about body-positive stuff because I could use a little self-love (can't we all?) I happened across this phrase "slut-shaming" and I couldn't believe this is a real thing!  People don't want to be shamed for being a slut?  Why would a woman even want to identify with that?  I guess I might be a bit of a prude, at least my husband has jokingly called me that before, I guess it's how I was raised.  My parents were very concerned with image.  It wasn't looked on favorably to be the girl in your school who admitted to enjoying sexual activity, so even as a late teen or into my early twenties, I didn't talk much about it, even with my bestie.  I have loosened up a little now that I'm married but I my insatiable gene got lost on food, not sex.  Sorry husband!  That's not to say I don't enjoy it, my monogamous relationship is satisfying and I enjoy the closeness, I'm not dead but I am perimenopausal!  Ha ha.  So I started reading 50 Shades of Grey to see what it's about and why am I so ashamed to admit that?  I read a chunk of it (I downloaded it for free through my local library) on Sunday and haven't gone back to it.  I dunno, SM isn't my thing at all, my mind is too practical and I don't understand how pain can be a turn-on.  So I probably won't finish the book.  I do think the fact that reading it made me feel somehow guilty is something that might need a closer look.  It is one more way that I guilt myself about my body, and maybe if I took more pleasure in sex I wouldn't seek it so much in food.  Just a thought!  I'm not sure you can change an old dog at this point but there's something there to consider.

4.The in-betweenness of my life stands in my way so much, and I am certain I do this on purpose.  Not being able to decide if I should do a restrictive diet or mindful eating keeps me stuck, I say I need to think through it but don't spend enough time doing my research and when it comes to eating, I eat my planned low-carb stuff so fast I hardly taste it.  All these little two-extremes decisions are a way of procrastinating so I can let myself off the hook and do nothing, and there are just tons of them in my life.  Put more effort into my current career or dive into something new?  (I got my Bachelor's 3 years ago now, but I'm still not putting it to use).  Do cardio or yoga?  Lift weights or cardio?  Get up early or try to do workouts at night? It goes on and on.  I don't have to do anything while I'm trying to decide, so more and more things to have to decide come up.  That's why I sometimes do really well with structure.  When I got back into the South Beach Diet when I started this blog, they had freshened it up to include an exercise routine that cycled between strength training and cardio sessions.  Everything was laid out for me.  Day one was strength, day two cardio, etc.  They even had recommended strenth training exercises and timed interval training for cardio.  I did pretty good on that plan, I actually lost 40 pounds and several clothes sizes back then, I wanted it so bad and I worked for it.  I also had time because I wasn't working and I had more energy because I was younger and nowhere near menopause!  Excuses I know.  I may try to get back to some sort of plan like that, something where I don't actually have to make decisions so there's nothing to procrastinate.

I did do some awesome deep-stretch yoga Deep Stretch Yoga, it's a longer session but boy did it make me feel good!  I got sick of avoiding things that make me feel good and just decided to try it.  The only thing I couldn't do was put all my weight on my bad knee, so there is just that one move.  I may try to add some extra padding under that knee to see if it's better.  I could really learn to like yoga if I stuck to it instead of doing it just every once in a while.  I like this teacher, she has a very pleasant way about her and she even has a 30-day type of series (kind of like a 30-day challenge I imagine but I haven't actually looked at it yet) that is intriguing.  I did get more than 10,000 steps in on Saturday due to grocery shopping and housework and that hike.  I am tracking this week and so far there haven't been any surprises. 
So I guess that's it for my short-ish long-winded post.  Happy Tuesday!


  1. I think the biggest thing to success is not always the plan you choose to follow but just that you follow that plan wholeheartedly! That is the hard part though!!!!!

    1. So so true! I can always change or adapt the plan once I get started, but it's true what they say, the journey of 1,000 miles starts with a single step. Actually, any journey has to start in the mind, I just haven't been putting my mind into it where commitment is concerned. No wonder losing weight and maintaining is so darn hard.


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