PPF Rollout
I am rolling out my PPF (Past, Present, Future) project, and in doing so, I am hoping to make new habits not just physically but mentally. Also, this is rewiring my brain that diet is not the only way to take care of myself.
Yesterday I worked on my past by not letting go of the fat-shaming that I wrote about in my last blog. One of the processes of healing how you feel about something is to examine what's beneath the emotions and dig a little deeper. I thought about how my mom fat-shamed me and first identified why I think she did that. I never asked myself that, I just vilified her for it which made me feel like a victim. I genuinely think she did it out of love. I'm guessing she didn't want me to have to suffer the mental anguish of being an outcast and getting teased in school (which I was, and did) and she didn't want me to have physical burdens either. I do also believe a huge part of it was because she didn't want people to think poorly of her what will the neighbors think! That is a different issue for a different day. Ultimately, she chose an abrasive method, but the driving force was genuine care and concern. I think I can learn to make peace with that.
As for my present, I spent some time watching The Office with my husband, it's our favorite show and we continue to re watch the series, but not every night, because we are usually busy doing our own things, reading, or being on our phones, etc. It felt really good to lighten up the mood and do this together. We both laughed a lot last night, that was a fantastic feeling!
For my future, I finally started doing kegels and am trying to develop a plan to make them a daily habit. Maybe, do some sets every time I finish a snack or something, just to set a plan and make it a habit. I am doing this because I feel like I pee more times than any non-pregnant lady I've ever met and I am hoping it will help with bladder health. I also don't like it that I sometimes leak when I sneeze. Maybe that's TMI for some, but it is part of the fabulous human body and part of being a periomenopausal woman who has had children. It's biology. So, while it won't change my figure, it is helpful in a meaningful way. I really don't want to end up needing adult diapers down the road if it is something I can prevent.
Yesterday I forgot to track but I actually stayed on track all day long and didn't really even think about food! Yay for that! I am having roughly 1,500 calories a day right now, with a little fluctuation depending on if I needed an extra cup of coffee in the morning or an extra slice of wheat toast with my eggs. I like that there's wiggle room.
Today, I revisited my thoughts about my mom and the fat-shaming and when I thought about it some more, I realized that she loved me the best way she knew how. She is still living and I could use present tense because she is still a lot to handle, but most of the emotional pain I have is from my childhood and teen years. I made it a bit of a mantra and repeated it to myself for several minutes, my mother loved me the best way she knew how, my mother loved me the best way she knew how. Funny how saying something over and over can have an effect on our brains. Mantras are very powerful if you soften to them. When I was working out hard and consistently, my mantra was "I've got more in me!" and it helped me to push on for one more rep, or to work out on a day when I didn't feel like it. Now I am a little softer and I need more help with the emotional stuff so I will work on new mantras that help my current journey.
For my present, I put a little extra effort into my look today, wore my favorite shirt which makes me feel really smart and cute and put a little lip color on, something I rarely do. I also made my hair a little cuter by putting a sparkly flower hair pin in. I feel like I look good today and that has my mood a little brighter. I am also listening to my hunger signals today, and not just eating because the clock says it's time.
For the future, tonight I am planning on doing that deep stretch yoga again. It did make me a little sore last time so I don't want to do it every day but it did make my range of motion feel much smoother, especially my hips. I may also make time to do a little more research on foods, spices or look up new recipes to inspire me.
I like that doing this keeps me mindful about multiple areas in my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stuff and this makes me focus on the things that I react to emotionally ( many by rote) without going deeper to fix my triggers. These are the things that can release me from the unpleasant emotions and reactions and give me long-term peace. I'm quite sure I'm ready to work for that!
Yesterday I worked on my past by not letting go of the fat-shaming that I wrote about in my last blog. One of the processes of healing how you feel about something is to examine what's beneath the emotions and dig a little deeper. I thought about how my mom fat-shamed me and first identified why I think she did that. I never asked myself that, I just vilified her for it which made me feel like a victim. I genuinely think she did it out of love. I'm guessing she didn't want me to have to suffer the mental anguish of being an outcast and getting teased in school (which I was, and did) and she didn't want me to have physical burdens either. I do also believe a huge part of it was because she didn't want people to think poorly of her what will the neighbors think! That is a different issue for a different day. Ultimately, she chose an abrasive method, but the driving force was genuine care and concern. I think I can learn to make peace with that.
As for my present, I spent some time watching The Office with my husband, it's our favorite show and we continue to re watch the series, but not every night, because we are usually busy doing our own things, reading, or being on our phones, etc. It felt really good to lighten up the mood and do this together. We both laughed a lot last night, that was a fantastic feeling!
For my future, I finally started doing kegels and am trying to develop a plan to make them a daily habit. Maybe, do some sets every time I finish a snack or something, just to set a plan and make it a habit. I am doing this because I feel like I pee more times than any non-pregnant lady I've ever met and I am hoping it will help with bladder health. I also don't like it that I sometimes leak when I sneeze. Maybe that's TMI for some, but it is part of the fabulous human body and part of being a periomenopausal woman who has had children. It's biology. So, while it won't change my figure, it is helpful in a meaningful way. I really don't want to end up needing adult diapers down the road if it is something I can prevent.
Yesterday I forgot to track but I actually stayed on track all day long and didn't really even think about food! Yay for that! I am having roughly 1,500 calories a day right now, with a little fluctuation depending on if I needed an extra cup of coffee in the morning or an extra slice of wheat toast with my eggs. I like that there's wiggle room.
Today, I revisited my thoughts about my mom and the fat-shaming and when I thought about it some more, I realized that she loved me the best way she knew how. She is still living and I could use present tense because she is still a lot to handle, but most of the emotional pain I have is from my childhood and teen years. I made it a bit of a mantra and repeated it to myself for several minutes, my mother loved me the best way she knew how, my mother loved me the best way she knew how. Funny how saying something over and over can have an effect on our brains. Mantras are very powerful if you soften to them. When I was working out hard and consistently, my mantra was "I've got more in me!" and it helped me to push on for one more rep, or to work out on a day when I didn't feel like it. Now I am a little softer and I need more help with the emotional stuff so I will work on new mantras that help my current journey.
For my present, I put a little extra effort into my look today, wore my favorite shirt which makes me feel really smart and cute and put a little lip color on, something I rarely do. I also made my hair a little cuter by putting a sparkly flower hair pin in. I feel like I look good today and that has my mood a little brighter. I am also listening to my hunger signals today, and not just eating because the clock says it's time.
For the future, tonight I am planning on doing that deep stretch yoga again. It did make me a little sore last time so I don't want to do it every day but it did make my range of motion feel much smoother, especially my hips. I may also make time to do a little more research on foods, spices or look up new recipes to inspire me.
I like that doing this keeps me mindful about multiple areas in my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stuff and this makes me focus on the things that I react to emotionally ( many by rote) without going deeper to fix my triggers. These are the things that can release me from the unpleasant emotions and reactions and give me long-term peace. I'm quite sure I'm ready to work for that!
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