Having a Beer in a Dishcloth Dress

I might be crazy, but I'm so glad we finally got some warmer weather where I live. Being directly across the street from a Great Lake has a tendency to cool things off. It isn't uncommon for us to be a full 20 degrees cooler than cities even 15 minutes drive away. But yesterday and today were finally hot and I finally didn't need a sweater or a jacket to leave the house. I'm the only one in my family who likes warmer temperatures. It makes me feel summer in its fullness. It reminds me of carefree times when my sister and I would spend entire days and evenings at the local pool, or riding bikes with friends to far away neighborhoods to explore. It also means I want to wear clothes that don't cover every inch of myself. Today I put on a sleeveless dress that I have had for a few years. I bought it at a thrift shop because that's where I get most of my clothes (I like a good treasure hunt). It's a very casual dress, cotton and small, horizontal red and white stripes, but it's stretchy and soft and sleeveless so it really comes in handy on a hot day. Today when I put it on I noticed how much it looks like a dishcloth because of the stripes. Immediately after putting it on I felt very self-conscious about my arms, and wouldn't even walk around my own yard without putting an elbow cardigan on top. Then I looked in the mirror and my mood dropped. Then I had some ice cream to console myself about the way I was feeling like this is so insurmountable. I used to read a blog called Escape from Obesity written by Lyn. She lost more than 100 pounds and despite regaining some of the weight, she was always able to maintain a loss. She wrote so well and I was inspired by her so many times, even when she was struggling and working through things, but she got sick of not sticking to her plans and eventually took her blog down. There are times I completely understand why, because the frustration is real. I believe it was Geneen Roth who likened weight loss like the story of Sisyphus, who keeps pushing a boulder up a hill, never reaching the top, only to have it roll back down the hill and then he started again. What moves the boulder is your reason for why you even want to do it. If the reason isn't strong or meaningful you'll never get the boulder to the top. I have been thinking about my reason. I have not kept my reason in front of me but have allowed my boulder to roll down the hill because moving it takes effort and so much focus. Right now I have stopped even trying to push the boulder and am sitting at the bottom of the hill having a beer. I am doing some reading on things to consider around the topic of trying to lose weight in perimenopause. I need to stop letting PMS be an excuse, especially when Aunt Flo's arrival is almost always late. I tend to loosen up my standards during that week when the PMS and cravings are the worst, but it's stretching out from what used to be a few days, to a week, to two weeks. I know I can do better, i just have to plan for the little hitches and make my mind up that this is important, no matter what time of the month it is.