Eye Opener

The past two weeks have been way too lax for me as far as diet and exercise, driven by the carefree, celebratory mood of my approaching reunion weekend, then by feelings of over-training.  In reality, my feelings of exhaustion were due to a virus passing through our house, and once again, hormonal factors.
I did get two improv workouts in last week, when I had to haul my new home gym into the house, and again when I assembled it, which left me sore for a few days, but I did very little cardio last week, and my diet was spotty at best.
I finally got things back on track yesterday, even though I was giving myself a free pass through the weekend.  I found that I had become so accustomed to eating two cheat meals during the weekend, including sweet stuff, that even after eating a clean meal, I was wanting something sweet.  Last night when that happened, I had a piece of sugar-free spearmint gum to chew, and was surprised how effective it was. 
I have been yo-yoing in the 150's for months now, getting down as low as 151, then swinging wildly back up to the rafters.  It is the evidence of my waning focus on my body, or more directly, lack of focus on the prize.  When I began this, I knew I was going to do it, finally go all the way and be happy with the results.  Somewhere along the line, the original passion has fizzled.  I have discovered that I can have a weekend of indulgence and still hover around the same few pounds.  But when did that become OK to keep looking at the same numbers on the scale instead of moving forward.  I am definitely not content with where I'm at; still look at fit people and want to get there, still feel fat and know I have work to do.  There is a disconnect somewhere, and I think I need to take a step back and figure out what's going on so it doesn't yield to horrible habits that will have me stuck in the same pattern that got me miserable in the first place. 
I had an awesome leg workout yesterday, on my home gym, it is nice to have any weight I need at my disposal, and the gym is so versatile that I can hit muscles I haven't been able to.  I knew I was doing something right, because during/after training my legs, I felt nauseous.  I am going to split my training into three workouts, hitting legs, chest, bis, tris,shoulders and back.  I have more energy for that in the evening, so I think I will try to do those workouts after work, and continue to do cardio in the mornings.
This morning I did low-intensity cardio outside, and wasn't sure I was going to continue to do that.  It was so dark out that I had to push the light on my watch to keep track of my intervals, and it is already getting fairly chilly.  The moon and stars were fully out this morning, and there was no sign of a sunrise until the extreme end of my walk.  During one of the unlit blocks I walked, I noticed how the moon illuminated the jet lines in the sky, making them glow the most brilliant shade of blue, alsmost emmulating northern lights.  At  that moment, I thought about how I slept in most of last week and thought, you don't see things like this in your bed.  It was a little moment that reminded me what I am doing, and why I need to do it.   I'm thankful for moments like that, they are the key to continuity.
Happy to be back on track and in a better place physically and mentally.
Have a great week!