The past two weeks, I have been lost in a blizzard of chaos and I feel I can hardly catch my breath long enough to get out from under the crushing weight of it. Don't get me wrong, I am in good spirits, but life is certainly having its way with me lately, and not in the eyebrow-raising sort of way. Two strains of stomach flu have visited my children, and some missed work should have allowed me to catch up on some things, but when you have a sick kid who sometimes doesn't make the bucket or the bowl, you spend the entire day (or week) on edge, cleaning up messes of stuff I'd thought I'd never have to clean up after my boys again. Two weekends ago it was the younger, last weekend the older one. And I didn't know it was possible to have the 72-hour flu, but apparently my older son "goes big" when he goes.
I have been so off-track, in my usual manner of eating the majority of the day/week on track, then adding extra junk that wasn't planned/intended. Take yesterday, for instance. It was my oldest's first day back to school after his illness, and I still wasn't 100% sure he should be going. The morning seemed extra difficult to coordinate, getting a special breakfast/lunch prepped for him, packing my own stuff for work and school, and dealing with several "emergency" trips to the bathroom to help my son take care of issues. When I sat down to my lunch at work, I had a beautiful turkey breast sandwich with all the fixings...except turkey. That is what happens to me when I have too much going on at once, my brain turns to mush. So I ate my low-fat cheddar that was supposed to be the next snack, which meant I was short of food and starving on my way to school, so I made an unhealthy choice and got some quick food on the way to class. I have been eating chocolate on the weekends, and craving it, so I know it is time to detoxify my body from all the sugar to lose the cravings again. I don't mind being on the ketogenic phase of this diet, I actually end up feeling really good on that phase. So, I think I may do a 1-2 week keto again, starting next Monday. I would start sooner, but I have some fruit to finish up that I don't want to go to waste. And, as lame as it may sound, I need time to prepare myself, mentally, for a fresh start. I keep reminding myself that spring is right around the corner, not only do I have my 5K coming up (which I haven't been training for) but I do NOT want to go through summer self-conscious about my body. The thought of spring nearing makes me feel refreshed already, and ready to commit to healthier choices. I just have to get all my ducks back in a row and make it happen.
Over the past week, I have been seeing a local commercial that drives me NUTS! An obese woman starts out saying, "Do you feel powerless?" and procedes to brag about losing 64 pounds in 3 months, thanks to bariatric surgery. It is a commercial for a seminar about the surgical options that are being toted as miracles. As this is a nursing/healthcare-based city, with several top-notch hospitals/health systems, we are inundated with these seminars/ads. So what are they selling? To me it says, if you're too lazy to take ownership of your own health, just have a surgeon make it less comfortable to eat as you wish you could. I understand weight loss is not easy. But if you truly feel like you are powerless, there are things that are broken within that need to be fixed first. Simply getting the weight off doesn't solve old problems and bad habits. We even have some quack doctor who willingly gives his patient thyroid-altering drugs to help them lose weight, his commercial says, "It's not your fault you're fat." How very sympathetic and releiving. Give me a drug and watch me lose weight while I eat my Big Mac. I get mad because it is sending out the wrong message, and it's not just adults who are seeing these commercials. Yes, there are certain, dire circumstances where bariatric surgery is needed to save a life. But nowadays it seems like just another cosmetic surgery that people have when they just don't feel like exerting themselves. And guess how their self-esteem fairs once they drop those hundreds of pounds and still have an extra 30-40 pounds of unwanted skin hanging off of them?
I can speak from experience, because I used to tell myself I was powerless against certain challenges I faced in weightloss. Mindset is everything. If you believe you can't, you definitely won't. I know I can fix what is wrong with me. I know that I not only have the strength, but the intelligence to do what is right to prevent a heart attack, and to be not just healthy but happy and well-rounded. I know I have been off-track for a while, but I have not lost sight of the track and am willing to get back where I need to be. It's a commitment we make to ourselves, to challenge what is difficult, because what's waiting on the other side is a feeling one cannot get from giving up and going under the knife. Power comes from overcoming your personal challenges. No one is powerless.
So this morning, when the alarm went off, I had the internal conflict with myself whether or not to hit the treadmill, and I found myself slipping into the comforting answer of I'll just start fresh on Monday. It was just in time that reason returned, as I looked at my increasing waistline, flabby belly looking back at me as if to say, what kind of logic is that?! And I knew from past experience, that I would feel better by the time I popped a caffeine pill and started my treadmill duty. And by the first interval of running (4.5, which felt very doable for one minute intervals), I was happy I listened to my flabby old gut.
Happy Wednesday friends! Hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day!